#1
There’s a naked man, lying on his back in the park. He doesn’t notice me, or at least chooses to ignore my presence in preference for whatever his misty eyes focus on above. It’s been 32 minutes since he first removed his clothes and lay there, according to my watch (which is, however, I must add, a little slow). By now I have given up wondering why he is naked, even why he is lying there. Now, I find myself fascinated with his eyes. They are a strange shade of grey, aged and weary. But hope and laughter flash in them as he stares skyward.
“Do you know, it is considered rude to stare?” he says, without looking my way. His voice is tired, but there is a hint of virility pulsing in his words.
“I could say the same to you,” I say, chuckling.
He laughs, too; his face splitting wide in a welcome and comfortable smile. “Come, boy. Lie with me a while,” he says. I look around nervously. “Have no fear, we are alone.”
Satisfied, I move off the bench and lay down beside the man. I open my mouth to speak, but he shushes me with a finger against my lips.
“Three questions, that’s all I can give.”
“Why?”
The man laughs, deep and booming. “Oh, my child, what a wasted question. You see, I can only respond with a question of my own. Why what?”
“Why…” are you naked? Why are you lying here? “Why am I so fascinated by you?”
The man tuts. “Again, wasted. How could I possibly answer that? Perhaps you’ve never seen another man naked before? Perhaps I pique your curiosity? One more question.”
“Why are you lying here?”
The man shakes his head. “For forty years I’ve asked myself that question. Forty years. I guess I finally know.” And with that, he stands, picks up his clothes and walks away. I shake my head, stand up and, in frustration, throw off my clothes and lie back on the ground, staring at the stars.
“Why were you lying here?” I whisper. “What did you see?”
#4
that is quite interesting...and if thought of in a certain mindset, a little creepy

*not so much about the naked old man asking the character to join him...though that is creepy as well =P
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Last edited by vIsIbleNoIsE at Nov 26, 2009,
#5
Quote by vIsIbleNoIsE
that is quite interesting...and if thought of in a certain mindset, a little creepy

in another mindset, this is a very calming and sobering story.

I love stories like these (not the naked people part, that was just an extra) - ones that make you just ponder life. It clears my mind.
#6
you know that tingly feeling you get down your spine when something touches the senses quite unexplainable really. Well this just gave me that very good story at first i thought oh great naked guy in a park this is gonna end with police, a restraining order and a child scarred for life, but you have a beautiful bit of art here write some more of these. and yes i want to know why myself hmmm time to go lie naked in a park.....
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#12
I'm glad you're being fully half-assed and noncommittal about your whole "hiatus" thing.


I enjoyed this.
Today I feel electric grey
I hope tomorrow, neon black
#13
Are you kidding? I love you guys too much. Also, someone or rather may or may not have scared me into staying>.>
#14
I can't decide whether or not I like this. On the one hand the build up and the climax make it a nice read, but nothing special. A bit like a fairytale where you have to figure out the moral of the story yourself or something.

However, I found that the whole piece was dotted with unusual language and phrasing - little words or phrases that I just would not use in this. That's what made this interesting for me.

I think my main piece of advice for this will be to break it up into stanzas. Blocks of paragraphs make this seem like a story, which it is to an extent, but I think it's too short. I think if you break it up into shorter lines and several shorter stanzas, you can create a more prominent effect and really hit home at the end.

Maybe I'm just rambling...
#16
Awesome! I really liked it. My only question is how did you think of it haha
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