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#1
Couldn't find a proper decent Band/musician related joke thread.

Don't take them seriously..

- What did the bassist Say to the Guitarist?
- Doesn't matter, you can't hear him anyway.
#4
what does it mean when the bass player is drooling out of both corners of his mouth?

it means the stage is level
Cream fan club member #11.
#5
what's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?

with a drum machine, you only have to punch the instructions in once.


how many lead singers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One, they put it in the socket and wait for the world to revolve around them.
Last edited by jimRH7 at Nov 26, 2009,
#7
What goes through the heads of the different members of a group during a gig:

Singer: Oooh yeaah look at my hair, my hair is awesome, everyone look at me I'm singing motherfuckers.
Solo guitarist: I am getting soo laid after this.
Rhythm guitarist: I am getting soo smashed after this.
Keyboardist: Fuck this, tomorrow I'm buying a guitar.
Bassist: EEEEAAAABBBBAAAA
Drummer: HNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGH
🙈 🙉 🙊
#10
What's the difference between an alto and a soprano?

An alto can read music.
My guitar modification blog.
Quote by MuffinMan
Jesus was all like "To those about to rock, I salute you." then he grabbed his mighty axe and rocked the Romans out really hard. Of course they were strict classical music so....
#11
Quote by entity0009
What goes through the heads of the different members of a group during a gig:

Singer: Oooh yeaah look at my hair, my hair is awesome, everyone look at me I'm singing motherfuckers.
Solo guitarist: I am getting soo laid after this.
Rhythm guitarist: I am getting soo smashed after this.
Keyboardist: Fuck this, tomorrow I'm buying a guitar.
Bassist: EEEEAAAABBBBAAAA
Drummer: HNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGH



so true
#12
A "C," an "E-flat," and a "G" go into a bar. The bartender says:
"Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So the E-flat leaves, and the C and
the G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is
diminished and the G is out flat. An F comes in and tries to augment
the situation, but is not sharp enough. A D comes into the bar and
heads straight for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me. I'll just be a
second." Then an A comes into the bar, but the bartender is convinced
that this relative of C is a minor. Then the bartender notices a B-flat
hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims, "Get out now. You're the
seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight." The E-flat, not easily
deflated, comes back to the bar the next night in a 3-piece suit with
nicely shined shoes. The bartender (who used to have a nice corporate
job until his company downsized) says, "You're looking sharp tonight,
come on in! This could be a major development." This proves to be the
case, as the E-flat takes off the suit, and everything else, and stands
there au natural. Eventually, the C sobers up, and realizes in horror
that he's under a rest. The C is brought to trial, is found guilty of
contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years
of DS without Coda at an upscale correctional facility. On appeal,
however, the C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental,
and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless. The bartender
decides, however, that since he's only had tenor for patrons, with the
soprano out in the bathroom, and everything has become alto much
treble, he needs a rest, and closes the bar.
#13
My talk with my government teacher:
Him - "That went right over your head didn't it myke?"
Me - "CAN'T SAY THE SAME FOR DIMEBAG!!"

roflamidoinitrite?
#14
Quote by wesselbindt
I broke my a string fingering g minor.

>.>


<.<

Isn't that..
I broke my G string fingering A minor.?
Originally Posted by Chromeproguitar
they make horrible noises in the middle of the night (is it sex?)

Quote by CliffIsAngry
I guess she's pretty hot if you're into that "having a good music video, but not better than Beyonce's" kind of thing...
#15
jedward. need i say more? :P
Quote by Heilz
When backstage and talkin to the ladies i always go with the ¨Mines is bigger than theirs¨ argument as me bro holds hes guitar and i take out my bass... It works wonders @,@


Gear list:
Squire Affinity P-Bass
Ashdown Mag300 Evo II
Boss ODB-3
Last edited by Raizer Sabre at Nov 26, 2009,
#17
Quote by Myke.
My talk with my government teacher:
Him - "That went right over your head didn't it myke?"
Me - "CAN'T SAY THE SAME FOR DIMEBAG!!"

roflamidoinitrite?


dats low.
#18
Guitarist: **** yeah, time for the solo.
Bassist: Will they let me get a solo this time?
Drummer: 1 2 3 4
Singer: These mother****ers better not solo when I stop singing.
#19
How many guitar players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
13 - one to do it, and twelve to stand around and say, "Phhhwt! I can do that!"

Why do bands have bass players?
To translate for the drummer.

XD
#20
Quote by alkalineweeman
Isn't that..
I broke my G string fingering A minor.?


Or I broke a G string fingering A minor.
Talking about fapping to films!!
Originally posted by Vader, Darth
Jabba did this one time when we were watching Gremlins...

It found it...disturbing.

Gearidge:
Laney AOR 50 Head
Laney Cab
BC Rich Mockingbird
Line 6 Spider 3
#21
Quote by alkalineweeman
Isn't that..
I broke my G string fingering A minor.?



i didnt catch that until you said it...good eye
Roses are red
Voilets are blue
The only bulge in my pocket is my wallet
No i'm not happy to see you
#22
Quote by dhutton
A "C," an "E-flat," and a "G" go into a bar. The bartender says:
"Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So the E-flat leaves, and the C and
the G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is
diminished and the G is out flat. An F comes in and tries to augment
the situation, but is not sharp enough. A D comes into the bar and
heads straight for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me. I'll just be a
second." Then an A comes into the bar, but the bartender is convinced
that this relative of C is a minor. Then the bartender notices a B-flat
hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims, "Get out now. You're the
seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight." The E-flat, not easily
deflated, comes back to the bar the next night in a 3-piece suit with
nicely shined shoes. The bartender (who used to have a nice corporate
job until his company downsized) says, "You're looking sharp tonight,
come on in! This could be a major development." This proves to be the
case, as the E-flat takes off the suit, and everything else, and stands
there au natural. Eventually, the C sobers up, and realizes in horror
that he's under a rest. The C is brought to trial, is found guilty of
contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years
of DS without Coda at an upscale correctional facility. On appeal,
however, the C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental,
and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless. The bartender
decides, however, that since he's only had tenor for patrons, with the
soprano out in the bathroom, and everything has become alto much
treble, he needs a rest, and closes the bar.

I enjoyed this very much.
#24
Dear Bandleader thank you for your letter. I really do think you have an
attitude problem and do want a few requests played if you don't mind. What
me and my wife were thinking was:

-Any Keith Jarrett composition from his solo series. Please arrange for
full ensemble and nothing in 4/4 please.

-Mahavishnu Orchestra, Dance of the Maya and please have the guitar player
play John Mcglaughlin's solo from the live performance Nov. 16, 1972 at
Chrysler Arena. My wife and I were at that show and particularly liked his
use of polyrhythmics. If you find it too difficult you can leave out the
feedback. Your choice.

-John Coltrane's duets with Pharaoh Sanders. I understand that their use of
atonality is not everyone's cup of tea, but my guests are usually fond of|
high register tenor saxes.

-We thought a little Stravinsky would be nice. We particularly like the
|Rite of Spring. If you want to use the sheet music it's OK. My husband
likes it about 1/4 note = 93 beats per minute.

-Then for the candle lighting ceremony, please learn Frank Zappa's "The
Great Wazoo". If you want to play it in the originally B flat, that would
be OK. And yes, cousin Jeannie does want to sing the baritone sax solo.
Please don't say no, it would hurt her feelings so.

-Finally we have built our own musical instruments (It's kind of a hobby
with us) and we would appreciate if you would use our instruments. None of
them are based upon a 12 tone scale or on common harmonics, but our 5 year
old son tells us it's not really that hard to transpose once you understand
the physics.

We would be happy to pay each member an extra $25 for any inconvenience.
Thank you and don't be late!

Mr. and Mrs. Snovly
#27
someone's already posted something a bit like this but I think this version's better


What do you call a guy who hangs around with a bunch of musicians?

A Drummer!
-TimmyExtreme-
#28
Thoughts of a band during the gig:

Guitarist: I'm so getting laid!
Singer: I'm so getting laid!
Bass: I'm so no getting laid ...
Drummer: I'm so gonna fap!
Fender American Special HSS Stratocaster
Ibanez 1987 Roadstar II Deluxe
Yamaha THR10X
Marshall JCM900 SL-X
Ibanez WD-7 Weeping Demon Wah
TC Electronic Polytune
Seymour Duncan Tweakfuzz
#29
Quote by P.B.
what does it mean when the bass player is drooling out of both corners of his mouth?

it means the stage is level

I'm telling my bass player that.
#30
If a hundred dollar bill was laying in the center of a room, and Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, a drummer with good time, and a drummer with bad time were standing in the corners, who would get to it first?

The drummer with bad time of course. The other three don't exist.
#31
Quote by Bingt
If a hundred dollar bill was laying in the center of a room, and Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, a drummer with good time, and a drummer with bad time were standing in the corners, who would get to it first?

The drummer with bad time of course. The other three don't exist.



Thats the one i've been trying to remember!
#34
If anyone is in plays an orchestra instrumentI'm trying remember this joke. It's something like
'there's $50 in the middle of a room and a first violin in one corner, second violin in another, viola in another, and cello in the last because the bass went to the wrong place. Who gets the $50 first? Not the first violin because they don't go anywhere for less than $100...'
And I forgot the rest.
#36
so here we have three tenors and a fiver
Quote by Heilz
When backstage and talkin to the ladies i always go with the ¨Mines is bigger than theirs¨ argument as me bro holds hes guitar and i take out my bass... It works wonders @,@


Gear list:
Squire Affinity P-Bass
Ashdown Mag300 Evo II
Boss ODB-3
#37
Quote by alkalineweeman
Isn't that..
I broke my G string fingering A minor.?



I'm totally going to use that some time.
Not necessarily stoned, but beautiful.
#38
I've heard most before, but I love musical jokes.
Sunn O))):
Quote by Doppelgänger
You could always just sleep beside your refrigerator.

Guitar:
- Ibanez S670FM w/ JB
- Fender 'Lite Ash' Stratocaster
- Fender '72 Deluxe Telecaster
- Arbiter LP Jr. Doublecut
Amp:
- Laney VC15

'72 Tele Appreciation Group
RIP DIO
#39
Priority of getting laid in the band:

Singer
Lead guitar
Rythm Guitar
Drummer
Bass
Support band singer
Support band lead guitar
Support band Rythm Guitar
Support band Drummer
Support band Bass
Mixer
Roadie
Keyboard player
Quote by Fucking loads of people who were appeasing me in order for me to write
blues_to_thrash, you are the master of epic lulz



My Music


2K11
#40
Whats the difference between a guitar and a tuna fish?
You can tune a guitar but you can't tuna fish...

Quote by deucedeucemr2
My knight in shining armor.

Quote by kstar22bassist
I like you sir. I would like to congratulate you on how awesome you are. You make me think that there is hope for humanity yet.

Quote by Venice King
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