#1
thoughts.


tobacco tinted spit
drips down trembling glass.
someone laughs and says
it's the same colour as your
skin.

hahahahahahah
ahahahahahaaahahahh
ahahahhahahahhh
haah
ahrhahahhahaha
ahhahahaha
ha
a
h.
#2
Your words make me happy.

I feel you need to do something with that second line though, length-wise.
There's only one thing we can do to thwart the plot of these albino shape-shifting lizard BITCHES!
#3
I agree. The second line is the only thing that isn't great. How do you reckon you could change it though?
#4
errmm, what does it go with??
Sorry if Ive offended some kind of Punk God I should brush up on my Commandments of Punk maybe copy down the Punk Bible a few thousand times so I don't forget again sorry for my error O Punk Master Of All Things That Are Punk .
#5
Hey man, I'm sorry this took so long for me to check out your piece. I appreciated you reading and commenting on mine. I liked this. i'm always a fan of pieces that find strength in their brevity. i loved "tobacco tinted spit." I was also left wanting more out of your second line, but that's also something I really like in shorter pieces. I enjoy the fact that i'm left wanting more.