#1
Well. Trying to force myself out of writer's block again. Sad to say this is the best I could do at the moment...

It's nothing special (at least I don't think so.. very mediocre at best), but it's still what I've got at the moment.

Hopefully I'll get some good critiques (and if I do I'll return the favor) that'll help me in conquering my creativity drought.

Song comes in around 5 minutes. Not written with RSE.

Oh, and yes.. I'm well aware of how sloppy it sounds starting at 126. I'm betting/counting on/hoping that in actual playing it won't sound that bad.
Attachments:
Blistered Eyes.zip
#2
Hm... 9/8? This is one of the hardest time signatures to pull off IMO... I wasn't convinced at first but when the drum track starts to sink in things begin to sound better, although, personally, I'd have gone for 5/4 instead, lenghtening the last beat. But it's ok. More serious is the repetitiveness of the whole thing up to bar 30, just the same 4-bar motif getting repeated and layered, though not enough to keep it interesting.

If you want to do things like that, you could add more stuff on top of it, like some sort of lead (though it might be premature at this point of the song), or a synth to put out chords (maybe reharmonizing it slightly along the way, there's a lot of freedom when it comes to chords). But really, the best option would be to variate the riff itself, not just using flat 8ths, and inserting different patterns from time to time - for me good songs are those that keep changing throughout while still keeping some sort of "hook" that connects different parts.

The following riff is much better, at least there are two combined patterns, and the 9/8 works perfectly now. Wow.

The lead-ish riff starting at 48 sounded odd... I didn't get the chord progression here, sounded awkwardly dissonant. Man this is missing a bassline - hope you get to tab it out, these kind of songs can't live without bass.

On to 59... meh, breakdown? Well, anyway, found interesting the way you switched from B minor to B major in an almost imperceptible fashion... xD The 9/8 riff sounded weird here, thank god you decided to switch to 4/4 later, that's much better kiddo. Don't just force time sigs to make the score look cool. Then back to the excessively long main riff, then comes the semi-clean interlude.

The switch to this semi-clean interlude is pretty awkward on GP, hope in real life it works better, because you're moving from B minor to Bb minor with no transition or cadence, just stop, then start again. Once again, although the clean chords here are very nice, the whole idea could have been done better. I'm thinking some sort of arpeggio rather than just flat whole-note strums, and synths.. and bass. God I'm missing that bass. Maybe even a lead bass in this part, possibly using fretless sounds (translating to a velvet-like tone in real life).

Anyway, the riff fade in is neat, then accelerate to the next riff, good idea. Right now I'm thinking of how I would rework this song entirely, what I see here are neat ideas but very, very rough, badly needing orchestration, variation and transition fixing... one last thing, that 8ths over triplet 8ths bit... it KINDA works. Kinda. I'm not sure how to make it sound better, but I like the idea of a polyrhythm. Transition into the last riff is very iffy though. You need to work on building chord progressions that lead from one key to another.

Well, this turned out long. xD Basically because I think there's some potential here, but a lot of work needed.

c4c? either [entre parêntesis] or Irrelevant, in my sig.
#3
Not bad, but not as weird as I was expecting [Most of your stuff is kinda out there, if I remember correctly].

Personally, the best part was the 4/4 clean break, with the triplet riff fading in, and the polyrhythm after. It kinda worked like JR said. But it wasnt great. The rest failed to capture my attention, really. It was just kinda dry. Everything either needed more drums or needed bass or maybe some synth to really fill up the sound. Like the breakdown, just seemed empty. Could have used some keys and bass. And that's how it was for the whole song.

Yeah, the whole thing is definitely BEGGING for bass, and maybe keys. And then some parts could use more active, driving drums, more interesting guitars, or what have you. It varied. There was potential, just needs work. A lot of work. [and you said yourself, it's nothing special]

crit mine? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1237151
Last edited by Burning_Angel at Nov 28, 2009,
#4
Quote by |_JR_|
Hm... 9/8? This is one of the hardest time signatures to pull off IMO... I wasn't convinced at first but when the drum track starts to sink in things begin to sound better, although, personally, I'd have gone for 5/4 instead, lenghtening the last beat. But it's ok. More serious is the repetitiveness of the whole thing up to bar 30, just the same 4-bar motif getting repeated and layered, though not enough to keep it interesting.
I just write stuff out into GP as I play it, and I've found that if I adjust something so it's in a "standard" time signature I don't like it as much (usually). As far as the repetitiveness, this song was written to support lyrics in just a few spots... And the "main" motif is where that happens to be.

Quote by |_JR_|
If you want to do things like that, you could add more stuff on top of it, like some sort of lead (though it might be premature at this point of the song), or a synth to put out chords (maybe reharmonizing it slightly along the way, there's a lot of freedom when it comes to chords). But really, the best option would be to variate the riff itself, not just using flat 8ths, and inserting different patterns from time to time - for me good songs are those that keep changing throughout while still keeping some sort of "hook" that connects different parts.
I would love to put a synth part in the song.. But sadly, there are no good key players around here, so I don't want to write a part into a song that can't be done live/on cd. And I know what you mean about varying it.. I'll look into what I can do.. The song is very rough atm.

Quote by |_JR_|
The following riff is much better, at least there are two combined patterns, and the 9/8 works perfectly now. Wow.
Thanks. :]

Quote by |_JR_|
The lead-ish riff starting at 48 sounded odd... I didn't get the chord progression here, sounded awkwardly dissonant. Man this is missing a bassline - hope you get to tab it out, these kind of songs can't live without bass.
I didn't write it with a chord progression in mind (as I said on your song, I'm very theory ignorant). I just picked notes that sounded good together (yes, the awkward dissonance is intended lol). And, just like a key player... My band lacks a bassist (sadness, sad sad sadness), so I don't write bass parts anymore.

Quote by |_JR_|
On to 59... meh, breakdown? Well, anyway, found interesting the way you switched from B minor to B major in an almost imperceptible fashion... xD The 9/8 riff sounded weird here, thank god you decided to switch to 4/4 later, that's much better kiddo. Don't just force time sigs to make the score look cool. Then back to the excessively long main riff, then comes the semi-clean interlude.
It wasn't really meant to be a breakdown, just a "heavy" riff. It's good to hear that I did something well, so thanks. :] But, I'm really not forcing time sigs. I just play it like that. lol

Quote by |_JR_|
The switch to this semi-clean interlude is pretty awkward on GP, hope in real life it works better, because you're moving from B minor to Bb minor with no transition or cadence, just stop, then start again. Once again, although the clean chords here are very nice, the whole idea could have been done better. I'm thinking some sort of arpeggio rather than just flat whole-note strums, and synths.. and bass. God I'm missing that bass. Maybe even a lead bass in this part, possibly using fretless sounds (translating to a velvet-like tone in real life).
I'm gonna spice the transition up somehow. I didn't want to strum because I felt it would interfere with the riff underneath, so I went with just a "hit."

Quote by |_JR_|
Anyway, the riff fade in is neat, then accelerate to the next riff, good idea. Right now I'm thinking of how I would rework this song entirely, what I see here are neat ideas but very, very rough, badly needing orchestration, variation and transition fixing... one last thing, that 8ths over triplet 8ths bit... it KINDA works. Kinda. I'm not sure how to make it sound better, but I like the idea of a polyrhythm. Transition into the last riff is very iffy though. You need to work on building chord progressions that lead from one key to another.
Thanks for the suggestions... Once I get some theory knowledge I'll work on the chord progressions. :]

Quote by Burning_Angel
Not bad, but not as weird as I was expecting [Most of your stuff is kinda out there, if I remember correctly].
Indeed. Most of my stuff is quite out there. lol

Quote by Burning_Angel
Personally, the best part was the 4/4 clean break, with the triplet riff fading in, and the polyrhythm after. It kinda worked like JR said. But it wasnt great. The rest failed to capture my attention, really. It was just kinda dry. Everything either needed more drums or needed bass or maybe some synth to really fill up the sound. Like the breakdown, just seemed empty. Could have used some keys and bass. And that's how it was for the whole song.
My clean breaks seem to be the highlight of all my work (e.g. Event Horizon, this, others) haha. I agree though. The other riffs are fairly generic and lackluster.

Quote by Burning_Angel
Yeah, the whole thing is definitely BEGGING for bass, and maybe keys. And then some parts could use more active, driving drums, more interesting guitars, or what have you. It varied. There was potential, just needs work. A lot of work. [and you said yourself, it's nothing special]
I agree. Keys and bass would make this a LOT better.. But we don't have either of those in the band, so I don't wanna write those parts in. :/ As far as more driving drums... Our drummer hasn't looked at this song yet so it's just little things to have extra noise. :p
#5
I despise when I go through those periods where the inspiration is thin...

Anyway in saying that...like it was mentioned, there are some good ideas, but the implementation of some of the other ideas (I cannot find much to like of the main riff) is a bit weird...

Despite lacking a bassist, perhaps it would be a wise idea to write at least something fairly simple that you could add to this, and then when you get your bassist have him fill in his parts as needed and whatnot?
Cause yeah, this could sound a lot better with some bass...

The fade in along with the triplet 1/8 and regular 1/8 part sound bizzare thanks to me only having one headphone to listen out of at the moment, but I could definately see that sounding very cool with the right panning...and perhaps some fun effects I guess?