#1
I cranked this song out a little earlier this week. It may just be one of my best. It's the second part of another song, called 'Of Waves', which I also posted here a little while ago [hence why there's section D-3, but everything else is from H onward]. But I think this one is a lot better than 'Waves'.

Not really sure what to call this one genre wise, let alone influence cause there's some Doom, Black, Prog... a bit of everything I like. Probably if I had to pick influences, it'd be something like Farsot, Monolithe, The Fall of Every Season, Drudkh, Irrwisch, and some random other stuff on the side.

C4C as usual, and the detail of your comment will affect the detail of mine!

Edited!: Took out the riff at J that didn't fit. Fixed some transitions. I think it's better now.

Edited 2!: Took out one more riff, added a different version of L [as a distorted riff/chord type thing]. The song makes much more sense now.
Attachments:
Depths.zip
Last edited by Burning_Angel at Dec 2, 2009,
#2
thanks for the crit' on my song, man before i start, this isn't a genre i'm a fan of, so take this with a pinch of salt.

bars 2-9 were really good, great way to open the song. i like how the band fade in aswell, that was cool. it reminded me a little of the remix of Hole In the Earth by Deftones, not sure why i got that vibe from it though.

the tremolo picking at 26 added nicely to what the rhythm guitar part was doing. the drums seem a little impractical, but not everyone in this forum is a drummer, so that's forgiveable.

the tempo change at 42 flowed really well, the riff thing after that was awesome.

the section at 60, that came in a bit suddenley, but maybe you were going for that. just the transition was a little quick for my liking. musically it's fine, didn't stand out as much as some other parts, but it was fine.

76 was fine, the increasing tempo introduced it well. that part was really well done, good job.

92 didn't really fit in my opinion. it sounded good, but if i were you, i'd save that for another song.

108, okay by the time we get here, the bit at 92 makes more sense. the harmonys worked well here, and flowed from the last section well.

120 is exactly the kind of thing i don't like about black metal, sorry. other people will like it, but to me, it ruins the song a bit.

the riffy part at 136 was good, i can definantly hear alot of proggy influences in this piece.

156 is back to that bit that you had earlier, the rhodes piano is a nice addition. unless it was there first time around aswell, i didn't notice it if it was.

174, just like i said with 120, not a fan of that kind of thing.

up untill 232, it's just repeated sections which is fine. 232 itself was really good, one of my favourite parts of the song. 256 was a good variation, it was almost post hardcore-ish in a way. but i wasn't a fan of the drums there. it might just be MIDI making it sound bad though, i'm not sure. 280 sounded good, the drums sounded fine here. they were basic, but worked.

that riffy bit brings the song to a good ending.

overall, 7/10. i liked parts, and i didn't like parts. considering it's a genre i'm not a massive fan of though, well done.
I deeply regret the 6661 in my username. Siiiigh. Damn you, 14 year old me, you edgy little bastard.
#3
Thanks for the crit. I s'pose that's pretty good, coming from someone whos not a fan.

And I definitely see what you mean about 92. I love 92 as a section, but if there's one part I'm not sure how it works it's that one. I'm kind of thinking about taking it out and replacing it with a section that makes a bit more sense, but still leads into K.

Anyone else?
#4
Goddammit, I wrote a pretty big post for you and then the site logged me out for some reason. Anyway, I'll tell you right now that I really liked this, a lot better than Waves. Despite the obvious metalness of it, it retains an atmospheric, almost ambient vibe, which is really cool.

Only thing that bothered me was that you "glued" many of the riffs together without worrying too much about proper transitioning, and while some of them worked fine, some others didn't.

I'll edit this with some more comments tomorrow, it's getting late. xD
#5
I'll write a better crit when I have my laptop (desktop doesn't have gp on it)...
But listening to the MIDI, this sounds just awesome.

I can't wait to check out some of how you wrote this.. Some of it sounds really really different from what I've ever heard before. So big kudos already. :]
#6
Absolutely AWESOME...seriously...probably one of the best ones I've heard today (since I've been doing this for a day...hahaha...)

Anyway you seem to take a similiar approach (but not identical in the least) to what we do in A Window to the Sun (Not trying to advertise or any of that crap, I'm just noticing simlarities, if only slight, haha)

...I LOVE the atmosphere and overall feel of it. There's a few minor peices that don't fit perfectly within the seams but overall, this is absolutely killer...(most of the flaws have actually been pointed out...)

Definately record this when you get the chance...goddamn...this is killer...
#7
Ok I'm back, just to summarise my big lost post.

The beginning is probably what shines the most in this song, the initial chord progression is awesome, very original and the kinda one that you're not sure if it works at first, but then you find out it does, that's a big plus for me. Riff I is also one of my favourites, very proggy with great chord choices once again. I also liked riff L a lot (an odd rockish vibe, was cool xD)

The rest of it is good too, there's that issue with transitions I mentioned a couple of times now. Often you change key and tempo without any sort of preparation, and as a result the riffs sound glued together rather than part of a whole, which ruins part of the otherwise great experience. You need to put in cadences (i.e. chord sequences to lead from a key to another) and smoothening tempo changes in some places.

Other than that, there's some repetition, but I guess that's in the style, as mentioned before this sounds almost ambient despite the metal. I'm still not a fan of blastbeats, but can't complain about that obviously. Maybe some soloing would have been cool.

Good song man, very interesting style.
#8
Thanks for the crit return!

I edited the song, took out the riff that was at J, fixed things up a bit; I think it's improved. Thoughts from anyone else?
#9
Sounding rather good as ambient prog type stuff up to now, I think I'm in for a treat =).

The intro part is lovely, can't critique anything on that, it works perfectly.

Second part well, the chords were interesting but as to what feeling they're meant to convey, I was very confused, and the transition into the next part was basically nonexistent.

Part H2 Sounded lovely though on its own, it's a grim, yet very, how can I say, watery makes sense here, it makes me imagine I'm scuba diving in a very dark place, exploring the unknown, dangerous depths... I think this is definitely the best part for reflecting the feeling of the song.

D-3 Was also very good, although a bit less interesting, still did the trick very well.

Riff J kind of comes out of nowhere when it comes to the feeling it displays, it seems the emotion is out of place.

I think H3 with the blastbeats could have sounded much more powerful with loud, crushing guitar chords, or something that would really emphasize the energy mounting.

I didn't really understand part K, came off rather confusing over the rest of the song, rather disjointed I think, and again, a strange transition into a strange chord progression.

J2 was a rather boring riff, sorry.

D-3 comes back in to what I consider is the original song theme, and it works great here.

When K comes back with the chords, it makes a lot more sense and sounds much better, except for those last 2 measures which seem to lose the riff's focus - Try to work on that a bit.

L and L2 were a great more atmospheric type riff, nicely buidling up, and rather interesting throughout. I gotta say the drumming in your song was pretty enjoyable throughout, nothing mindblowing, but still rhythmically diverse and interesting often enough, so kudos for that.

That's a bout it man, I feel this song loses focus in a lot of the less ambient, more strange metal riff and chord progressions, other than that the ambient parts are great... sounds like the song has a thematic/structure issue you should work on, before it really synchs in great
#10
Thanks for the crit, JazzDeath.

I updated it yet again, for, I think, a final time. Took out the former J/K/whatever. So now both riffs that made no sense in the context are gone. In their place is a new one, a version of L... and it just screams God is an Astronaut influence.

It's a bit of a happier riff, but I think it fits, and it makes the build up at L work a bit better too. So there were are.

Also, on most of the riffs, like K, I kinda want it drenched in reverb and delay, to give it a more... watery sound, I guess.

Anyway. I think it's better now that it was. And I'm thinking about adding a solo the second time the new J comes around. Thoughts/Anyone else?
Last edited by Burning_Angel at Dec 2, 2009,
#11
Intro is awesome, love the key boards that go together. 26 is pretty awesome, can't deny it.
at I, it's a nice riff but the huge chords are sort of unbearable which is mostly just a volume problem.
H-2 is a nice unexpected tempo change. Riff here is pretty badass.
D-3 is where I started noticing more of the synth, not that it was doing something crazy but definitely a nice change, everything here is simple and clean. Very nice.
J is another nice little riff, I like the chords.
H-3 has some pretty sick blast beats, love how in the back the synth is still playing all calm.
K is... well, amazing. Very epic.
I has the same nice riffs here. Now that I'm paying attention the drums, I like what they're doing here.
J-2 was sort of unexpected, needs a bit of a better transition and as you suggested, a solo.
D-3 is nothing spectacular, regular bridge like thing.
L needs a bit more build up (build down?) to make this part really shine. Needs a guitar solo at 232.
L-2 would probably have the solo continue.
L-3 would be where it stops, nice little backing chords. Try varying the backing to this though, because the same riff has been going on for a while.
Already said a lot about I. Maybe another guitar solo here just because.
#12
The best black metal song if heard in a while .No critics about this piece mate sorry for the disapointmen...The only thing that didn't attracted me was the second riffs.It reminded me about Twinpeeks but it was fine riff again tho.Realy sorry i can't give you a constructive criticism but this song ROCKs.The termolo picking part was orgasmic sounded like Immortal and Dark funeral mixed together .The only thing is that it gets somehow repetive.I wish you could add more great riffs like those
Last edited by Imm0rtal at Dec 10, 2009,
#13
good shit man, really nice atmosphere created with everything. synths do an awesome job of making that melting mood.

I agree with vengynce about the solo at 232, would really complete that part and just add a whole new element to it.

really liked L3! Reallreally cool stuff.

Some of the changes were a bit too Unlinked i think. Like i was really getting into I but then the change to H-2 was a bit offputting, even if H-2 is great in its own respect. 76 gets great!
D-3 82 synth is excellent!!

So yea only real thing id say is Chuck in an epicly sad solo at 232. With the ear you have for brutally tragic harmony, im sure you could throw something decent in.
Overall epicly epic sad song nice job

c4c? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1243688