#1
So I am writing this song and I need some critical input on my lyrics. I don't really know what the song is completely about yet so... just take the lyrics at face value and respond please


In the dead of winter,
the colors fade to grey.
Dark nights and starlight
are all that remain.
A fire on the horizon
fighting the cold,
there sits a man
warming his soul.

This is the story of the unsung hero
he walks alone.
Carrying a past that no one knows.


and that is all i have for now.
#2
The rhyme scheme is okay except for the unsung hero line.

Overall, it seems terribly trite. There's really nothing in these lines that I haven't heard already. If you improve and/or deepen the concept of the song as it goes on, it could be okay.

I like the winter imagery and some of the action words used to help convey the still of the cold and the life in the fire, dead and fighting respectively, but I really don't like the last lines, specifically the very last line; it seems far too cheesy.

Keep working on it and I hope this helps
#3
Much thanks! I am working out the concept and I see your point exactly. I shall revise my work! Lol Thanks