#1
Hey guys,
Just a little something I wrote for a friend of mine, as we had both gone through similarly ****ed up childhoods, and he came out a little better off then I did (emotionally).
Let me know what you guys think, this is my first time posting here

Verse 1:
You can finally trust again its so very clear
I'm proud but I have to choke back a tear
You seem to be handling your life again
I fake a smile so you can't see my pain
--
You're livin', lovin', laughing, emotions on display
I'd be the last person who'd take that away
You been through hell and back but I've been too
Somehow I came out more ****ed up then you

Chorus:
Because I've watched you live your life with a smile
Unaffected by everything that fate has thrown your way
Pressing on, living your life just for this quarter mile
Your confidence and morals never seem to sway
--
We're both different problems with the same solution
You've moved past the shit and are free of your misery
While I'm still waiting around for my final retribution
I guess that goes to show, that you're better than me

Verse 2:
Your smiles never come from behind a pipe
Guess I'm just following that damn stereotype
I'll never forget your words they still ring clear
If I keep this up I'll lose everyone I hold dear
--
I'm really trying I swear to God I am
But everything I try they seem to condemn
My life seems to just replay the same old hurt
But right now all of my defenses are on alert

Chorus:
But now I've watched you live your life with a smile
Unaffected by everything that fate has thrown your way
Pressing on, living your life just for this quarter mile
Your confidence and morals never seem to sway
--
We're both different problems with the same solution
You've moved past the shit and are free of your misery
While I'm still waiting around for my final retribution
I guess that goes to show, that you're better than me

Bridge:
I know that your life has been so much harder than mine
But look at you, standing tall, you act just like you're fine
Never looking back or letting the bastard hold you here
Doing what you want no matter what the pain, or how severe
--
You never let anyone hold you down, you're leaving this place
And if anyone tries to hold you back then you spit in their face
You're moving on and getting out but I'm still stuck in this rut
I can tell that you're doing fine you've still got that cocky strut

Final Chorus:
Because I've watched you live your life with a smile
Unaffected by everything that fate has thrown your way
Pressing on, living your life just for this quarter mile
Your confidence and morals never seem to sway
--
We're both different problems with the same solution
You've moved past the shit and are free of your misery
While I'm still waiting around for my final retribution
I guess that goes to show, that you're better than me
Best dirty pick-up line...
Quote by hide_the_beer
I wish you were my homework so I could slam you on my desk and do you all night long
#2
This song is definitely well-written. There were just a couple places where the rhymes seemed really forced. The lines in the second verse where you ended with "am" and "condemn" didn't seem to flow well. But the rest of the song flows very well. It seems like you could be more specific on what problems you are talking about, and the song might be a little more moving emotionally. That was one of the questions I was asking while I was reading the song: What kind of problems?
It seems like you could describe them in more detail in the second verse or just write another verse all together. The bridge was my favorite part of the song It was amazing. Good work all together!

C4C?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1233756&highlight=broken+promised