#1
C4C ( leave link )


I dress a cloak of invisibility,
but its insecurity grants me
either shelter or weight.
Who ever said that covering my face
with a hood, for being snow unseen,
would be a sign of weakness and a mistake?
My phrases are filled with predictability;
but if the truth’s already been said,
does it mean it is bad?

There’s evil in the past and filth in evilution.
The solution is to hide inside, but inside screams
dreams with which you cannot live without.
So you live in a dilemma of starvation or gluttony,
but you can’t see your salvation resides in eating moderately.
You’re cross-eyed for looking at too many paths at the same time;
you see right through their rotten soil
and into their deepest flaws,
and it reminds you of yourself too much to take a shot.

All those different paths lead to death, we all know that,
but standing still won’t make you immortal, will it?
Why do you keep stood on a hill of disillusion?
If you jumped off this cliff, undressing your wings and cloak,
you would see that I’m the sea willing to teach you how to float.
#2
I like it. Some great imagery. I'd like to hear it read or sang, because I am a little unsure about the flow in some parts. I really like the message in it. Nice work. My lyrics are in my sig. I'll probably come back and take a look at this when I am a little more awake.
#3
I really like the imagery you use in this piece, especially the last verse. I agree with acoustic_jesus that the rhythm is unclear in some parts, but I think that the lyrics themselves are strong.

My lyrics are in my sig.
#4
I really like the bit about standing still and being immortal. I also rather enjoy the use of imagery, it's not obvious in it's meaning, which is the sign of a good lyric. Good job my friend, it was a pleasant read. What do you have in mind for the accompanying music?

If you get the time, check mine out . You don't have to, but I'd appreciate it if you did.
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1238011
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Gibson Boneyard with Bigsby
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#5
I really like the last stanza but I feel like the first two don't even come close to amounting to what the last one brought to the piece. I'd say revise the first two stanzas a bit, I'm not quite sure if it was the same message that you were trying to give across as in the last one because it doesn't seem that way. All in all the lyrics are good, I just don't know how well the piece flows together aside from the last stanza.

Crit?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1238228
#7
Blackdotted. If I don't return back to this, which I usually don't, you have every right to verbally harass me via private message. I really hate forgetting obligations.