#1
So this is actually a slightly altered version since the GP5 version was about 1.5 times the file limit so I had to do some minor formatting and removal of some things...(namely a quick brass section that would have followed the synth strings at 125)

Anyway, this is something I was sitting on since about August, and is actually the first time I've ever had a forum critique my work...it's...a melodic...progressive...deathy...black?...metally...thing...definately want to throw vocals over it someday, of the harsh and clean variety of course (when I get a chance...)

...I don't like to generalize myself, hahaha...

I'm aware it's a little long, but regardless, I hope you guys enjoy, I'm open to constructive criticism and whatnot.
Attachments:
27 (a2) The Hollow Vault of the Heavens - Skewed.gp4
#2
If you can make that 6 to 15 jump in bar 25 cleanly then I commend your playing tremendously.

Bars 21-36 didn't fit the song very well, for me. I really liked bars 73-90 or so. 109-132 were beautiful. And as before, I didn't feel like 133-142 fit well. The rest of the song was great.

Overall: 7 out of 10. Easily a 9 or 10 out of 10 without the 21-36 and 133-142 sections.

It was the only task I would undertake...

I P R O G
...to reap the harvest that was mine


- [ P R O G - H E A D ? ] -
#3
Nope, can't really do that cleanly, I should take the effort to change that up to 9 and 10 on the next string instead, hahaha.

As for 21-36 and 133-142, I kindly beg to differ, though I definately understand where you're coming from as it's a pretty drastic change in the song when that part does come up, I suppose my mentality with it was that I wanted it to mark some sort of change of pace in the song.

It's obviously still a work in progress and I'll eventually have more drums written (and more/better guitar parts)...

...I wonder if anyone has any reccomendations on where to put vocal parts...
#4
Critting as a go.
Good intro. Solo is nice, some parts of it could use more polish.

Drums are madness. Might need a drum machine for that.
Groove riff with leads after that part is nice.
Heavy riff is excellent and brutal, while being musical.
Trem riff is good, but a bit "slow" for my taste (not in tempo, but in terms of accenting). EDIT: That riff at bar 57 would probably be better in 3/4.
Skittle whittle riff with Old West licks is bad ass.

I had to look at the actual tab after that. The solos and leads are unnaturally good.
It's not without reason that the best riffs are the ones that are a bit slower. The slower tempos help enunciate the music in a more profound way. Glad you noticed that in the outro. Very good cadence.

You have an ear for melody, but the fast riffs need a bit more accenting and groove to them.
Last edited by huevos at Dec 3, 2009,
#5
Hey man, thanks for the crit on my Trance piece ^_^

...Also, you know that if you put your file into a .ZIP folder, it cuts the size down? ...ALOT? lol. It's fine.


Here goes.

First, i think you should have the clean guitar come in before the elctric in the intro.


Next, it might just be Guitar Pro, but i think the triplets in the 21 to 36 part are too fast. Try using a transition between 20 and 21 to lost the triplet feel.

31 second time around should have harmony.

You know, now that i think about it, this would be killer with some strings lol.

Ah your bass died! Keep it going through the song lol

Okay, the guitar "fill" in 60 is a bit hectic. It would sound better if you used a slower rhythm and slightly different melody. .. In my opinion lol.

lol. i like the parts from 65 to 84 IMMENSELY. Synth is for the win.

Ah. there's the strings i was looking for. now put em on the whole song lol.

100-101 needs a better transition. Instead of doing repeats, just write out the riff again and use altered drums to lead into the new riff. i've found it's much more effective.

the drums at 125 don't fit at all :|

the rallitando at 157 isn't working for me. Scratch that. it sounds better as it goes.

Ah that last chord isn't the right one! Try this one. i'm sending an attachment.


Overall it's good blackmetal. That synth solo sold me (You must have noticed by now how much i love synths....) You just need to work on alot of the transitions. Also, some drum revisions wouldn't hurt
Attachments:
Your Song are here..zip
AYE! if you LOVE

FOXY SHAZAM!
#6
This is definitely a unique genre on its own so I first want to say nice job.

The intro was nice, then it got a little jumbled and at measure 37 kickass.

I really thought bars 65-100 were really good and worked very well. Good flow and transitions.

101 was unexpected but a nice break. The bass picked out and sounded awesome, but at the same time still kept the mellow sound of the guitar in the background.

133-145 was a very cool sounding "solo" I liked it and it didn't drag on.

The tempo change at 157 was a little too much for me. It was to dramatic and sudden.

So overall, very good flow and transition. Something not easily said for a lot of progressive metal songs (in my opinion they would be way more appealing with better transtions) Things could be improved like the ending, but thats quite an easy fix. The intro could use less craziness after the first few bars. Also change the volumes of tracks a little bit, drums were too high and bass was a little high.

So overall 8/10. Good job man
#7
Hey yo, returning crit here.

Atmospheric intro is trippy, but good. The trem. picking triplets just seem a little fast for me. In fact, I notice there's a lot of parts in this song that just seem way too fast. I'm not sure if a drop in tempo or just slowing the guitars down would fix it, but it seems like you have these wicked riffs, but you just blow through them so fast, they lose all meaning.

Riff at 37 was pimp, keep the bass going ahahaha

Some of your transitions were a little rocky, and non-existent at times xD and a little rewrite of the drums couldn't hurt.


Wow, reading that back, I sound like I hate it ahahaha it's an awesome song, just seems a little fast. The synths were awesome, and the outro was sick as well, cool surprise chord at the end there.

7.5/10 the 16th triplets and the transitions are what's bringing this down. Touch them up, it'd easily be a nine.

Sick song yo.
has a terrible signature.