#1
I wrote this one this morning. Any comments/criticisms are appreciated!
C4C

Away From Here

Verse:
In this life the sun never shines
All you have is what’s in your hands
But you still have hope sometimes

We spend the days figuring out
How will we survive til tomorrow?
That can’t be all life is about

There’s only one thing you can do
You gotta work yourself to death
‘Cause no one’s coming to your rescue

Chorus:
Let’s get ourselves away from here
Who cares about the past anymore
Maybe we won’t even shed a tear
Because of what happened before

Let’s get ourselves away from here
Let’s live our lives with no regrets
Maybe we won’t even shed a tear
If we could only just forget

Verse:
Eventually there’ll be a day
When we finally find our way
Things will be easier, so they say

You don’t need someone to guide you
Just say goodbye to yesterday
And to all the things you once knew

It’s not always good to be home
When home is where the hard times are
Just get up and leave with your hopes

Chorus:
Let’s get ourselves away from here
Who cares about the past anymore
Maybe we won’t even shed a tear
Because of what happened before

Let’s get ourselves away from here
Let’s live our lives with no regrets
Maybe we won’t even shed a tear
If we could only just forget
#2
Quote by Ginger1104
I wrote this one this morning. Any comments/criticisms are appreciated!
C4C

Away From Here

Verse:
In this life the sun never shines
All you have is what’s in your hands
But you still have hope sometimes
I don't like the way the last line sums up this stanza but it's just a personal thing, nothing wrong with it.

We spend the days figuring out
How will we survive til tomorrow?
That can’t be all life is about
Good stanza. Nothing more to say

There’s only one thing you can do
You gotta work yourself to death
‘Cause no one’s coming to your rescue
I don't particularly like the way this comes across. The first two verses seem to almost contradict this one, especially the last line of this one compared to the last line in the first stanza.

Chorus:
Let’s get ourselves away from here
Who cares about the past anymore
Maybe we won’t even shed a tear
Because of what happened before

Let’s get ourselves away from here
Let’s live our lives with no regrets
Maybe we won’t even shed a tear
If we could only just forget
I like this chorus. It's not a very strong chorus but I like the last two lines of each stanza a lot

Verse:
Eventually there’ll be a day
When we finally find our way
Things will be easier, so they say
The lines feel forced here. The last one in particular. It seems like you just made it so it would all rhyme.

You don’t need someone to guide you
Just say goodbye to yesterday
And to all the things you once knew
Nothing negative here

It’s not always good to be home
When home is where the hard times are
Just get up and leave with your hopes
This is my favorite stanza. It has the ability to strike a chord with many people and that's what I look for in songs like this. Good job on this one

Chorus:
Let’s get ourselves away from here
Who cares about the past anymore
Maybe we won’t even shed a tear
Because of what happened before

Let’s get ourselves away from here
Let’s live our lives with no regrets
Maybe we won’t even shed a tear
If we could only just forget


All in all it isn't too bad but it can use a bit of revising. I still think it's got a lot of potential though.

Crit?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1238228
#3
It sounds really good to me! I love how you used slightly colloquial language for the song, giving it a more friendly tone as if the reader is part of what you're talking about. Really good stuff! I guess the only thing you could work on this one is to prehaps expand on the direction of where the personas want to go.

thanks for the crit!
#4
I enjoyed your peice, but not immensely. I liked how you used simple, relatable imagery to give a clear and concise picture for the reader, nothing fancy. The situation is easy to relate to for many people, which will help you strike a chord with that audience. All in all, a decent peice, could use some revising in areas where the rhymes were forced (ie Verse 2 Stanza 1).

C4C? Sig.
Too lazy to come up with a clever or relevant sig.