Poll: Do you lie about it to them?
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View poll results: Do you lie about it to them?
Yes
28 44%
No
23 37%
Undecided
12 19%
Voters: 63.
#1
This is something i've just been thinking about due to the recent thread about coming out about atheism to parents who are very religious.

Heres the scenario:

Someone who you love a lot (parent, girlfriend/boyfriend,sibling etc..) is on their deathbed. They're a very deeply religious person and at some point in the past you and them had a big time of disagreement and conflict due to you deciding you no longer believed in their religion, maybe you converted to another religion or became an atheist or even agnostic but they've always been worried and concerned about your decision.

They had to realise you have to live your life but ultimately they think you're gonna go to hell when you die unless you change your ways and this has always upset them. Now they're on their deathbed and in what you both know is their last few moments alive they say 'Please say you believe in (god/whatever religion they are) again'.

What do you say? Do you say yes so they can die thinking their child is saved and all that or do you stick to your personal choice and tell them your true feelings? I realise this is a very depressing and morbid story but lets face it, it could happen.

So what do you do? (poll coming shortly)

edit: if you and your parents all believe in the same religion or whatever then put yourself in the situation of them all converting to something you don't believe in just so you can imagine the situation properly.
Last edited by Zoot Allures at Dec 2, 2009,
#5
That's tough.

I'd say I believe, but that's because I already do.

Nobody said anything about practicing beliefs, though.

And anyone who would flat out tell their parents "no" is heartless for breakingtheir parents hearts while dying. You want them to die happy or in pain?
Last edited by jetfuel495 at Dec 2, 2009,
#6
what's the point of lying?to make them feel like life isn't one huge joke?
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#7
In that moment, their comfort is more important than me "staying true to myself".
I would lie without a seconds hesitation.
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#8
Quote by jetfuel495
That's tough.

I'd say I believe, but that's because I already do.

Nobody said anything about practicing beliefs, though.


This i suppose could also work if they'd changed religion to you and thus what you believe is still wrong to them. If you're a christian imagine they'd converted to something else, Islam for example.

edited OP for that :P
Last edited by Zoot Allures at Dec 2, 2009,
#9
Very interesting question, TS.

I voted no. I would stick to what I think is right, despite said person's belief. I wouldn't flat out say 'no' though. I would tell them that it's just my belief and that's that. (Not in a rude way, of course.)
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Last edited by PhillyHendrix at Dec 2, 2009,
#11
Quote by bodyheatseeker
In that moment, their comfort is more important than me "staying true to myself".
I would lie without a seconds hesitation.



My thoughts exactly.
#12
Quote by jetfuel495
If it is, feel free to die at any time.

Religious or not, life isn't a joke. Not when you can become ridiculously rich.

/shallowness

i didnt mean like in an theres no point in living, kill me now, all hope is lost sorta way i just mean that we all end up dead so why not have some fun on the way
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#13
Quote by jetfuel495
If it is, feel free to die at any time.

Religious or not, life isn't a joke. Not when you can become ridiculously rich.

/shallowness


So if your parents had converted to islam then you'd say 'yes i did convert ' to them? I just realised that as far as i know (even though i think i'd probably say i was religious just to keep them happy for that time) saying you are of another religion would be against the religious rules wouldnt it?
#14
Quote by BlackmanDown
what's the point of lying?to make them feel like life isn't one huge joke?

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#15
Quote by bodyheatseeker
In that moment, their comfort is more important than me "staying true to myself".
I would lie without a seconds hesitation.


It's not like it's some kind of pain they're going to have to live with. In a moment (in our hypothetical situation) they'll be gone, and they won't remember it, or anything else.
#16
The only moral dilemma I can see here is if you were religious, and they wanted you to convert to their religion. If you lied and said that you would, then it may be seen as a sin of some sort in your religion, to accept 'false' Gods or what not.

Although if you were an atheist/agnostic person, as I am. There is no reason to not lie.
#18
Quote by faint_spirit

yea i was totally thinking about him halfway through that sentence
Quote by JacobTheMe
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#19
Well if it was someone I loved, and they loved me back, I would think they would hopefully understand my position and not ask me that, I know if the situation were reversed I sure as hell wouldn't expect someone to say yes if I asked them to believe in something they don't on my deathbed.

In the situation where its my parents I would flat out say no, but I have a particularly bad relationship with my parents. I'm sorry if all this makes me sound like a complete d-bag
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#20
Quote by BlackmanDown
yea i was totally thinking about him halfway through that sentence

Haha. Now I really want to watch it again.

Sad thing is, it's true. People die, and whatever they feel in their last moments doesn't matter. Would I lie? Maybe. I couldn't say for certain unless I was in the situation.

I'm a heartless bastard. Sue me.
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#21
Quote by blackthought
It's not like it's some kind of pain they're going to have to live with. In a moment (in our hypothetical situation) they'll be gone, and they won't remember it, or anything else.

And it's not a decision I have to live with either. I say what they need to hear, they feel comforted and then they pass on. I'm still an atheist, but I know I didn't bring sadness to my loved ones final moments.
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#22
Quote by faint_spirit
Haha. Now I really want to watch it again.

Sad thing is, it's true. People die, and whatever they feel in their last moments doesn't matter. Would I lie? Maybe. I couldn't say for certain unless I was in the situation.

I'm a heartless bastard. Sue me.

sue? high five for twisted morals!
Quote by JacobTheMe
Yeah, the movie was complete tat.

Avoid, unless you enjoy ruining things that you enjoy.


You can call me Cam, Cameron, or any other variation
Mortal Enemies with Primus2112
And everybody's singin'la, la la la, la la la
#23
Honestly, I don't think I would even answer the question. I would probably tell them how much I love them and how thankful I was to be their son/friend.

But if I absolutely had to answer, I don't think I would say "yes," but I wouldn't be rude about it.
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Last edited by Soul Power at Dec 2, 2009,
#24
Quote by Zoot Allures
So if your parents had converted to islam then you'd say 'yes i did convert ' to them? I just realised that as far as i know (even though i think i'd probably say i was religious just to keep them happy for that time) saying you are of another religion would be against the religious rules wouldnt it?

Sure, we're all Muslim anyway

But, for the sake of argument, let's say my parents hypothetically adopted Christianity (they wouldn't, have you met them? ) before death. In that situation, it wouldn't matter whether I was Muslim, Jewish, or atheist. I honestly don't know what I'd do. I've done more study on Christianity than the average fellow, and I've come to the conclusion that it's something I can't accept. But I do know one thing: whatever I say, it would have to be the truth.
#25
Quote by bodyheatseeker
In that moment, their comfort is more important than me "staying true to myself".
I would lie without a seconds hesitation.

That was my first thought, but I ended up going with undecided (read: pussy vote) because I had another thought...

How do you know they don't know you're lying?

Any of my family members who hypothetical atheist SteveHouse would be "out" to, would see through that lie immediately. So would it really help?

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#26
I voted no, because I honestly feel that the truth is far more important than a shallow lie, especially when it comes to something like religion, which is something I simply can't bring myself to believe in. If I did love that person enough though and they reciprocated that, then I feel that that person would not put me in a moral dilemma of this kind.
#27
Quote by SteveHouse
That was my first thought, but I ended up going with undecided (read: pussy vote) because I had another thought...

How do you know they don't know you're lying?

Any of my family members who hypothetical atheist SteveHouse would be "out" to, would see through that lie immediately. So would it really help?


I guess it depends on how convincing you are when you tell the lie. I too thought about the possibility that they might know. If it were just me and the dying person, I would probably keep right on lying until they believed me.

However, if there are other people around, they might here you telling all these lies. You'd then feel obligated to continue living that huge lie because the other people who heard you probably aren't going to die any time soon.

Unless you killed them all. Oh dear. I can see why some people opted to tell the truth.
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Last edited by Abunai X at Dec 2, 2009,
#28
Quote by SteveHouse
How do you know they don't know you're lying?

Any of my family members who hypothetical atheist SteveHouse would be "out" to, would see through that lie immediately. So would it really help?

Maybe I'm a better liar than you are

I think when imminent death is a factor, your natural lie-detector gets switched off.
Also, if you're asking questions like that before you die, it's not to find serious answers, it's to hear what you want to hear.

And I really don't think your hypothetical loved one would set out to trip you up like that.

"Do you believe?"
"Yes I do hypothetical loved one. You were right all along."
"Oh Steve, you were always a lying bastard... and with that, I die"
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bodyheatseeker, I will NEVER forgive you.

Last edited by bodyheatseeker at Dec 2, 2009,
#29
Well if you honestly believe there is an afterlife where your parent/friend/whatever can still communicate with you, why would you lie to them? They would just find out you lied. I guess this question is for people who's loved one is of a different religion than you, rather than them having a religion and yourself not.

I voted no. I believe that great relationships are built on honesty and ending that relationship with a lie is bullshit.
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#30
Just say "no." The truth hurts, but if they found out you lied, it'd hurt even more. And if they died, it would never matter anymore.

EDIT: I agree with above poster.
Last edited by denfilade at Dec 2, 2009,
#31
Quote by jetfuel495
Sure, we're all Muslim anyway

But, for the sake of argument, let's say my parents hypothetically adopted Christianity (they wouldn't, have you met them? ) before death. In that situation, it wouldn't matter whether I was Muslim, Jewish, or atheist. I honestly don't know what I'd do. I've done more study on Christianity than the average fellow, and I've come to the conclusion that it's something I can't accept. But I do know one thing: whatever I say, it would have to be the truth.


I thought you said before that you'd lie to keep them happy? :S