#1
Forgiveness.

Once In the sun kissed desert,
A young man learnt to pray,
Begging for some water,
On another cloudless day,
The skies refused to listen,
How do I escape from here?
Vultures circled his every word,
The scavengers’ pricked their ears,
Madness within a flare gun,
Disappeared without a trace,
Counting every grain of sand,
Blowing in his face,

While in the dainty rain forest,
There’s a damsel in distress,
She’s lost her map and compass,
And got herself in a mess,
She used to love the wild life,
When it was in a book,
But it just isn’t as beautiful,
At a closer look,

Dearest heavenly father,
They murmur to themselves,
I’ve always been a believer,
In sickness and in health,
A miracle the heavens open,
A miracle escape she finds,
But he is just hallucinating,
And she is pretty high,

Betrayed by their Judas,
And every other name,
Just a bunch of excuses,
Hiding from their fate,
Once in the sun kissed desert,
A young man passed away,
While over in the rain forest,
A damsel goes the same way.
And Like That. He was Gone.

My Lyrics

Love
#2
i think this is a really good piece. i like the way all the verses really link into eachother.

Quote by Andzee
Forgiveness.

Betrayed by their Judas,
And every other name,
Just a bunch of excuses,
Hiding from their fate,
Once in the sun kissed desert,
A young man passed away,
While over in the rain forest,
A damsel goes the same way.


this verse really does it for me, i dont know what it is just strikes a chord? lol.
what music will be put with this piece? would really like to hear it once its done
well done.
C4c?
#3
This is really strong. I'm having problems finding the rhythm, what kind of music did you have in mind? (This isn't a nitpick, I'm just curious.)

You only really stumble in the last stanza. I don't know how I feel about the Judas reference. You have to be careful with Biblical imagery, since so much of it has been beaten to death anymore. Overall, though, everything else is really good, maybe clean up some of the phrasing. IE: I think you could find a better adjective to describe a rain forest than "dainty."

Like I said, I'd like to hear the music associated with this, to get a clearer idea of where it's going, but you have a solid foundation here.
When crying don't help
You can't compose yourself
It's best to compose a poem
An honest verse of longing
Or a simple song of hope...