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#1
A lot of you may remember the incredibly wonderful joke thread that was once present in the Pit. I thought I'd start a new one because there are some funny ass jokes that need to be made known to the world.

Try not to be too offensive, as it would suck for the thread to have to be closed.

Quote by PiNk_ThE_pUnK
It's way too sunny and warm here today to listen to black metal, I shall bookmark it and come back when the weather is worse.
#2
what do you call a bull that's masterbating?

beef stroganoff
Gear:
PRS SE Custom
Takamine G Series Acoustic
Peavey Vypyr 30
Digitech RP 250

Quote by voodoochild23
The only time I'll dance is if Nickelback caught fire and no one helped.
#4
Why is Santa always Jolly?


Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
#5
What do you get when you squeeze a synagogue?


Jews.
Check out my band Disturbed
#6
Whats brown and rhymes with snoop?


Dr. Dre
Quote by bucktheduck

Call me troll, call me psychopath. In the end, I shall stand above you all as you drown in a pool of sex and filth. It will explode your corrupted bodies, and I will walk above the wreckage as a pure man.


Quote by DieGarbageMan

Haggard13 i are impressed
#7
A man, a woman and their dog walked into a bar.

I forgot the rest of the joke but I raped your mom.
#8
child killer and a kid walk into the woods in the middle of the night. the kid looks up at the child killer and says "im really scared mr." the child killer replies "you're scared? i have to walk back alone!"
RIFT.CANYON.DREAMS.


Quote by Oroborous
I'm trying to cover one of my bedroom walls in semen. I'm about half way done.

Pics coming soon
#9
A koala was smoking a joint in a tree.
A lizard comes and says "Hey can I have some?"
Koala says "sure thing man."
The lizard smokes some of the joint and is so lightheaded that it falls out of the tree.
The lizard then begins to get the munchies and it yells "I'll be back. I'm getting water from the river."
The lizard goes to a river but starts tripping so many balls that it begins to drown in the river.
An alligator comes and saves the lizard and says "are you ok?"
The lizard replies "yeah I'm just high as f*ck."
Naturally the alligator asked where he got some weed, and the lizard said from the koala in the tree.
The alligator goes to the tree, and the koala says "HOLY F*CK HOW MUCH WATER DID YOU DRINK BOI?"
#12
Three men were trapped on a island with a cannibal clan in Africa. The Chief Cannibal steps up and looks at the three men.

"If you want to leave this island alive, you must first find ten of the same types of fruit, do this, then come back to me."

Then, the three men go there own separate ways to find the ten fruits. The first man comes back with ten apples and the chief orders him to put all ten apples up his butt without making a face. He puts the first apple in fine but winces when he puts in the second one so the cannibals eat him. The second man comes back with ten berries and the chief asks him to do the same thing. So the man starts to put the berries up his butt.

1.... 2.... 3.... 4.... 5.... 6.... 7.... 8.... Just then he bursts out laughing and the cannibals eat him. Up in heaven the two dead men meet each other and start talking about what had just happened

"You were sooo close" said the first man "Why did you just burst out laughing all of a sudden?"

"I couldn't help it" replied the second man "I saw the third guy come back with pineapples."
#14
Oroborous that was amazing.
E-married to ilikepirates

Quote by bloodtrocuted93

How are you so fucking awesome at music?


>¦<
¦
#15

I remember that one from when I was younger. I completely forgot about it until now.


EDIT: may as well add another from when I was a kid.

A girl goes to her mother and asks "Mommy, why is my name Tulip?"
The mom goes "Well Tulip, a tulip petal fell on your head soon after you were born. We named you that as a reminder of a very special day."
Tulip's sister comes and asks "Wait, so is that why my name is Rose?"
The mom replies "Yes. A rose petal fell on your head."
The mom then checks the oven and says "Oh, It's dinner soon."
She yells for the others to come eat.
All that can be heard is a loud groan, similar to GNRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH
and the mom goes "Oh for f*ck sakes get your ass down here Fridge."
Last edited by Pagan_Poetry at Dec 3, 2009,
#17
Quote by ShallowEndings
^



It's really quite simple, bro.
Check out my band Disturbed
#21
Quote by Pagan_Poetry
a bit too simple ifyaknowwhatimean




[IN PHIL WE TRUST]


Quote by Trowzaa
I only play bots. Bots never abandon me. (´・ω・`)

#23
Quote by ShallowEndings


Sarcasm



You think we can detect sarcasm through a single smiley face?
Check out my band Disturbed
#26
I bet I get hated for this.

Whats the difference between a lorry load of marbles and a lorry full of babies?


You can't unload a lorry full of marbles with a pitchfork.
HAVE A NICE DAY!

[IMG]http://www.bdcwire.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/cactus_jack_photostudio_by_windows8osx-d51sqcw.jpg[/IMG]
#28
Quote by Tearcon10
I bet I get hated for this.

Whats the difference between a lorry load of marbles and a lorry full of babies?


You can't unload a lorry full of marbles with a pitchfork.

Da fuck you can't.

[IN PHIL WE TRUST]


Quote by Trowzaa
I only play bots. Bots never abandon me. (´・ω・`)

#34
Quote by Pagan_Poetry
^That girl in the yellow is quite a siren. =O

Dude, really? She looks like she just made out with this guy.



/is-waiting-for-more-lulz-very-impatiently

[IN PHIL WE TRUST]


Quote by Trowzaa
I only play bots. Bots never abandon me. (´・ω・`)

#38
3 nuns are sitting on a park bench. They are sitting chatting when a completely naked man covered in honey and chocolate runs up to them. The first nun has a stroke, then the second nun then also has a stroke, but the third one couldn't reach.

Quote by hazzmatazz
youmakemesmile...

Quote by sebastian_96
Today I stole a girls tampons for being such an annoying bitch.





MUFC


My love for you
Is like a truck
Berserker.
#39
Quote by Zero-Hartman
3 nuns are sitting on a park bench. They are sitting chatting when a completely naked man covered in honey and chocolate runs up to them. The first nun has a stroke, then the second nun then also has a stroke, but the third one couldn't reach.

That story made me sad for the third nun Bad joke is bad

[IN PHIL WE TRUST]


Quote by Trowzaa
I only play bots. Bots never abandon me. (´・ω・`)

#40
What can a bench do that a black guy can't?

Support a family


What did the black guy get for Christmas?

My bike


Why are black people getting stronger?

TV's are getting bigger


Why is 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 is black


What did the black kid get on his SAT's?

Barbecue sauce


Ahhhhh, it's gonna be nice and toasty in hell
Last edited by Oroborous at Dec 3, 2009,
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