#1
Hey, this is my band's first song, i'm co-writing it with my lead guitarist while i'm the vocalist and guitarist. It's fairly melancholy sounding and the theme is basically some unnamed guy who fights so hard to attain some status or wealth, destroying his friendships and losing his identity and discovering it's all empty and pointless. We are a christian band and this song is based on ecclesiastes. Anyway, the chorus goes "you are oh so innocent, pretending you don't know, but we have not forgotten we're not gonna let it go. You say you're not the one to blame, your sins are neatly dressed, but we have not forgotten all the tears of the oppressed." it's like a grungey acoustic sounding song. Please give me feedback on what you think and also ideas on how to improve and general advice for lyrics. We've got the music sorted. It's in 4/4 time. Thanks in advance for any constructive criticism and advice and i'll keep you posted on the song's progress and it's reception when we play it this saturday at a gig.
#2
Well, a chorus does not a complete song make.

Do you have all the lyrics worked out? Verses? A bridge? If you plan to perform this song soon, it'd be a good idea to finalize the lyrics. From what you've posted, it sounds good enough, especially if it's only your first song. It's hard to gauge the entire song though, since we're only given a sliver. Good luck, you should post the entire song.
When crying don't help
You can't compose yourself
It's best to compose a poem
An honest verse of longing
Or a simple song of hope...
#3
That's what i'm saying, i need lyrics for both verses. I'll post as soon as i actually have something. Hopefully post a recording too