#1
Mother of the winding road,
mother of the moving sands,
carrier of souls, give me your hand;
let this man rise from the dirt
to which he was brought down,
let his palms set rest in curves
of your forgiving land.
Be the sound of the waves
passing under his ground,
beneath the roots and the earth,
be the forewarning sign
of what’s to come.

In the flight of a bird,
in the whispers it heard
late at night, let there be light;
give your sight to your blind,
give true reason to minds
but just let him be,
hide deep in the folds of the world,
as far as the heart can see,
the thought can reach
and the mind can breach
but set him free.

Black skies with tear drop stars
are now crying over our sins
painting his skin with your scars
forming words to be lines
of the song of our heartache.

Let it break.
This is not a pipe
#2
This was soft and subtle yet I did not feel that much about it, I feel it is almost too subtle.

The foreshadowing at the start was elegantly done. Didn't like 'late at night, let there be light;' but it could just be me.

Not sure if the meaning is just getting lost here among these words. I did enjoy reading it though.

If you could check out 'the Minotaur' for me that would be great.
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=22492258#post22492258
#3
I think "be the sound" can also be a seperate stanza.

Your use of rhythm and, admittedly, crescendo-like effect was quite honestly superb. As was a spot-on self-awareness of punctuation and it's effect on how the reader perceives the work.

That, in essence, was all this idea really needed to work.

Enjoyable. Even better when picturing Laurence Fishburn reading it aloud, like the Matrix Pt. II
#4
Lawrence Fishburn? This has Morgan Freeman all over it.

Not at all,

Its just beautiful...

Let it break kinda confuses me... maybe I've heard it too many times before cheesy breakdowns to find it potent suggestionally, but it really makes that absolutely cunning stunning last paragraph ring out cryptically.
Once We Were Anarchists
#5
There's something gently uplifting about this, Carmel. I'm not sure what it is, but it reminds me of a hug from a dear friend.
#6
Mother of the winding road,
mother of the moving sands,
carrier of souls, give me your hand;
let this man rise from the dirt
to which he was brought down,
let his palms set rest in curves
of your forgiving land.
Be the sound of the waves
passing under his ground,
beneath the roots and the earth,
be the forewarning sign
of what’s to come.
intresting opening. I liked the start but i felt the second line was unnecessary. reading it again i feel like it might sound better with just the first line.

In the flight of a bird,
in the whispers it heard
late at night, let there be light;
give your sight to your blind,
give true reason to minds
but just let him be,
hide deep in the folds of the world,
as far as the heart can see,
the thought can reach
and the mind can breach
but set him free.
i really really liked this stanza as a whole. i'm just a bit confused where the sudden change came in at line 6 it was like a sudden change

Black skies with tear drop stars
are now crying over our sins
painting his skin with your scars
forming words to be lines
of the song of our heartache.

Let it break.
very nice ending. smooth and crisp

i really liked this piece. and i agree with jammy the punctuation was superb. too bad my punctuation is heinous.

if you could look at mine in the sig i'd be much obliged.
It's not stalking to watch her sleep if she fell asleep watching a movie.
a silly wind
(\__/)
(='.'=) LoNg LivE tHe BunNy!
(")_(")
Last edited by me<-needs help at Dec 7, 2009,