#1
It's my first metalcore song; very, very inspired by The Devil Wears Prada. Please let me know what you think and what aspects I can improve, it will be hugely appreciated.

I suck at critting, but if I can help in anything, C4C!

Thanks!

P.D. Sorry I didn't upload the GP5 file, but according to t he uploader, it's too big :/


EDIT: Changed the lead riff in the Chorus scroll down to see the updated version!
Attachments:
ACS - ...Of Romeo And Juliet - When All That's Left Is Ashes.gp4
Quote by angusfan16

That penis guitar. Hell, i'd wank it.


UG's MEXICAN DRUMMER
Last edited by BlackApparatus at Aug 9, 2010,
#2
Hey doode. Nice song! I would suggest changing blocks 139-140, the little lead up to the fast soloing cos it sounds off. Other than that, I think with some vocals that this song would be great.

EDIT: OH and as a HUGE Devil Wears Prada fan... I can def. hear the influence haha
GEAR:
SCHECTER LOOMIS FR
LTD EC-1000
LTD DV-200
Last edited by lethaldosage45 at Dec 6, 2009,
#3
i'll work on it thanks a bunch!
Quote by angusfan16

That penis guitar. Hell, i'd wank it.


UG's MEXICAN DRUMMER
#4
overall a good metalcore song I guess, not really familar with that genre.
favorite aprt was the chorus, the chord progression its job and the strings fit in nicely.
just pointing out some improvements:
you can do more with strings/keys than just a harmonizing. You could've played melodies with them or at least don't have every new chord staret on the first beat. Variation is the key, otherweise it will sound lame later on, although the song itself had a nice flow.
especially in the intro and outro you could have used other chords to give the song a more depressing or happy touch.
I really liked the idea of the verse, but you should have stayed at that tempo for a while.
Solo was pretty lame, and has the same proplem the rest of the song has: you lack phrasing. Everythign starts on 1 and ends on 4. Use more dotted notes,triplets, ghost notes, whatever to create a rhythm.

Let me put it this way: with vocals you'll have a pretty good song because noone will notice the lack of rhythm.
I dont want to sound too harsh, just typing up my thoughts on this song. But since everybody focusses on the vocals anayway, an actual recording could be quite good.

c4c? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1241196
(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
#5
Thank you, and yes, I'm working on improving my phrasing. You're not the first one that tells me everythings starts on one and ends on four. Thanks again!
Quote by angusfan16

That penis guitar. Hell, i'd wank it.


UG's MEXICAN DRUMMER
#6
Intro: Definitely a sick buildup, I love the way you bring the drums into the song and just progress it as it goes,

Verse: Pretty badass, nothing wrong here but nothing super exceptional.

Chorus: Maybe add a new riff here. After the Intro, I sort of expected something new and just as sick, but the same thing gets dull after a while. I mean, it's still badass, but it loses that feel it had at one point.

Solo: The first half is just a bit too happy compared to the rest. The second half should be extended a bit, it's a sick little bit.

Breakdown: Definitely loving what you had here. Simple but still worthy to headbang to.

Outro: Yet again, I'd recommend doing something different here. The riff is heard so much and it just needs some variety.

So far it's about a 6.5/10 or 7/10, but add some more variety and it'll probably be about a 9/10. Strings definitely need variety as well.
#7
Thanks, I thought the same you did. I'll work on some variation for the riffs. Thank you!
Quote by angusfan16

That penis guitar. Hell, i'd wank it.


UG's MEXICAN DRUMMER
#8
i hate to say it but i think you've just chosen a bad style of metalcore. I think you should re consider your influences. The chorus riff just gets really old, the octave progressions been done 1000 times over and the solo just didn't sound right. However the chorus riff would be quite catchy and decent if used a lot less. You need a lot less repetition and a lot more variety.

Sorry to sound harsh
#10
I'm critting the one in the OP; I didn't see the new one until now. When you make an update, it's best just to replace the version that's in the OP.

I'm not into Metalcore very much, but I really like this. There's only two changes that came to mind.

For the intro, I think it works best for the harmony to harmonize using thirds, like so:


  E  E   E  E  E   E  E  E   
----------------------------|
----------------------------|
----------------------------|
--0--8--10--0--8--10--0--8--|
----------------------------|
----------------------------|


   E  E  E   E  E  E   E  E   
-----------------------------|
-----------------------------|
-----------------------------|
--10--0--8--10--0--8--10-----|
-----------------------------|
-----------------------------|


  E   E   E  E   E   E  E   E   
-------------------------------|
-------------------------------|
-------------------------------|
--0--10--12--0--10--12--0--10--|
-------------------------------|
-------------------------------|


   E  E   E   E  E   E   E  E   
-------------------------------|
-------------------------------|
-------------------------------|
--12--0--10--12--0--10--12-----|
-------------------------------|
-------------------------------|


  E  E  E  E  E  E  E  E   
--------------------------|
--------------------------|
--------------------------|
--0--7--8--0--7--8--0--7--|
--------------------------|
--------------------------|


  E  E  E  E  E  E  E  E   
--------------------------|
--------------------------|
--------------------------|
--8--0--7--8--0--7--8-----|
--------------------------|
--------------------------|


  E  E   E  E  E   E  E  E   
----------------------------|
----------------------------|
----------------------------|
--0--8--10--0--8--10--0--8--|
----------------------------|
----------------------------|


   E  E  E   E  E  E   E  E   
-----------------------------|
-----------------------------|
-----------------------------|
--10--0--8--10--0--8--10-----|
-----------------------------|
-----------------------------|


  E  E   E  E  E   E  E  E   
----------------------------|
----------------------------|
----------------------------|
--0--8--10--0--8--10--0--8--|
----------------------------|
----------------------------|


   E  E  E   E  E  E   E  E   
-----------------------------|
-----------------------------|
-----------------------------|
--10--0--8--10--0--8--10-----|
-----------------------------|
-----------------------------|


  E   E   E  E   E   E  E   E   
-------------------------------|
-------------------------------|
-------------------------------|
--0--10--12--0--10--12--0--10--|
-------------------------------|
-------------------------------|


   E  E   E   E  E   E   E  E   
-------------------------------|
-------------------------------|
-------------------------------|
--12--0--10--12--0--10--12-----|
-------------------------------|
-------------------------------|


  E  E  E  E  E  E  E  E   
--------------------------|
--------------------------|
--------------------------|
--0--7--8--0--7--8--0--7--|
--------------------------|
--------------------------|


  E  E  E  E  E  E  E  E   
--------------------------|
--------------------------|
--------------------------|
--8--0--7--8--0--7--8-----|
--------------------------|
--------------------------|


  E  E   E  E  E   E  E  E   
----------------------------|
----------------------------|
----------------------------|
--0--8--10--0--8--10--0--8--|
----------------------------|
----------------------------|


   E  E  E   E  E  E   E  E     W                 
-----------------------------|-------------------|
-----------------------------|-------------------|
-----------------------------|-------------------|
--10--0--8--10--0--8--10-----|--8----------------|
-----------------------------|-------------------|
-----------------------------|-------------------|



Then again, maybe that's just personal preference.

The other thing is that I think the transition to the strings for the outro could have been a lot smoother.

C4C? The one in my sig needs it.
#11
The chord progression is incredibly predictable and rather dull. The solo's pretty out-of-key and rather uninteresting. Overall the song's pretty repetitive as well. Had you written this, say, eight years ago, this might've been much more interesting.
#12
Okay, so my first impression was actually quite positive. The problem with the song is the lack of dynamics, mostly because of the repetitive chord progression that rarely strays from the same three chords. Also, while the strings added some great drama to the intro when the harmony kicked in (and I think that the harmony should stay in 6ths, 3rds are too standard really - it sounds just as good as anything else the way it is), they outstayed their welcome in the verses and just made the sound palette dull and monotone. So I say that the strings shall be removed from just about anything sans the chorus, where drama is usually sought for. You know, if a song is just one long climax, then there really is never climax in it.

Also, some different sections with different chord progressions would be nice. And the breakdown have been done a thousand times before - I know the kids will LOVE moshing to it, but breakdowns like these have very little musical credibility nowadays. It's good that you change it after a while, but I think it should be remade from its roots.

I'd give it a 5/10 in its current form. Think about the following point:
- Dynamics in tempo and intensity (even if the sparsely arranged second verse was a welcome change, it was waaaay too monotonous)
- Some different chord progressions
- Originality in riffs (not a big problem) and breakdowns (huge problem)

and I can easily see this turn out as some good metalcore.

C4C? I've posted a 10 song metal album, mostly melodeath with different influences (progressive, gothic, alternative, power, post, etc.). It would be great if you could give a couple of the songs a listen. Thanks!

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1467949
Last edited by GU5T4V at Aug 7, 2011,