Poll: How is my report?
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View poll results: How is my report?
It's Horrible, Redo
31 56%
Very good, little to no changes
3 5%
its not too good, better improve most of that
21 38%
Voters: 55.
#1
Since I had to right a report on any song I wanted, I thought I'd chose Dream Theater's Octavarium. If you have a minute or two, can you read over this and tell me what you think? or how to improve it? I really need this to be a high mark. By My standards, a 78% is bad. and thats what was on my report card, which I received Friday.And don't judge by choice of song, and tell me to change it. It's too late fot that. it's due tomorrow, and I already have the power point made. So how Can I improve this UG?And i'm in the 8th grade, So it doesn't have to be a lot of length. And my teacher also said " it has to be a rightup" I just said report cuz I thought they wer basicly the same thing.


Dream Theater is a progressive metal band that formed in the 80’s. In Dream Theater, there are the members John Petrucci(Guitarist), Jordan Rudess(keyboardist),John Myung(Bassist),Mike Portnoy(Drummer) and singer James Labrie.

For this assignment I have chosen the song Octavarium. Although Octavarium isn’t a real word, it has an actual meaning. “Arium” in Latin it means “Related to”, like how an aquarium is related to an ocean. And Octave is a series of musical notes that repeats itself. These notes are A, B, C, D, E, F and G. On a guitar, the low end of the A octave would be an open (without pressing down on the frets) note, on the fifth string. The high end of the octave would be at the 12th fret, on the same string. Since both of these are called A, it ends where it began. Started with an A, ended with an A. So Octavarium means: Life is related to an octave. This is saying that everything will end where it began.

On the album Octavarium, there are literally hundreds of things that coincide with the numbers 5&8. Such as; in a piano octave, there are 5 black keys and 8 white keys. On the actual disc, there is star (5 sides) and an octagon(8 sides) On the lyrics book, there are 8 balls on Newton’s Cradle and 5 birds in the background. In a piano octave, each ball symbolizes a white key while each bird symbolizes a black key in an octave. The birds are between each ball where the black keys would be in an octave. There are entire web pages about this stuff, but there are more things to right about yet.

From Dream Theater’s (DT) 6th studio album ( Six degrees of inner turbulence)
To Octavarium( their 8th album), they were all connected in some way. Either Part one
of a song would be at the end of one album and part two would be at the beginning of the
next. Or the song at the end of one album would sound extremely similar to a song that
Starts the next album.

When James Labrie sings the lyrics:To find I’ve come full circle. This means that hes been moving in circles, not literally, but his life is moving in circles. So he’s saying his life is an octavarium.When he sings:I’m trapped inside this Octavarium, he means that his life is stuck repeating itself, and he can’t make it stop.That everything he does is being repeated. During the Intervals section, if you listen
really, really, REALLY hard,you will hear James Labrie sing the chorus of the other 7 songs on the album. This is most audible after part 5 out of 8. However, it’s still very hard to hear in places.


The meaning of Octavarium is that everything will end where it began. Not saying that when your just about to die you’ll become a new born baby again, but that everything moves in circles. And that everything is going to be repeated.
Gear

Guitars
Ibanez ART 300
Squier Strat
Godin 12 string Antique cedarburst
Ibanez RGD 320

Amps
Peavey Vypyr Tube 60W
Peavey Solo 15 W
Fender 10 W

Effects
Dunlop GCB - 95 Crybaby wah
Boss DD-7 Digital Delay
Boss MT-2 Distortion
Last edited by tryhonesty at Dec 6, 2009,
#4
Quote by Dirge Humani
Write.

along with their/there/they're
DONT RISK IT, BUY A BASS AMP
#8
Quote by Dirge Humani
Write.

and

THERE
You're using UG classic, congratulations.
You should be using UG classic.




E-Married to Guitar0Player

http://the llama forum because its gone forever which sucks and I hate it.
#10
First off, don't ever say "really, really, REALLY" in a school report.
Quote by dudetheman
So what? I wasted like 5 minutes watching DaddyTwoFoot's avatar.


Metalheads are the worst thing that ever happened to metal.
#11
I read the first two paragraphs
write the exact date that the band formed, not just 'in the 80's'

also
unless this is for guitar class, the part about the notes on the guitar is extremely irrelevant and rambling
#13
There are more note than just A, B, C, D, F, E and G.
^^The above is a Cryptic Metaphor^^


"To know the truth of history is to realize its ultimate myth and its inevitable ambiguity." Everything is made up and the facts don't matter.


MUSIC THEORY LINK
#14
Are there "literally hundreds" of things that coincide with the piano? If there are not literally (and by "literally" I mean in actuality, factually, for sure) 200+ things, you cannot say "literally." Say "many."
Quote by dudetheman
So what? I wasted like 5 minutes watching DaddyTwoFoot's avatar.


Metalheads are the worst thing that ever happened to metal.
#15
Quote by tryhonesty
they’re are

There's a stupid mistake, fix it.
A polar bear came to talk to me the other day....
...But then I realized...
...I don't own a coat, let alone firecrackers


Visit my Soundcloud, OR SUFFER.
#16
Quote by SmElLy KiD
They're are a stupid mistake, fix it.

Wat
Quote by dudetheman
So what? I wasted like 5 minutes watching DaddyTwoFoot's avatar.


Metalheads are the worst thing that ever happened to metal.
#17
yeahh not an A paper(they cant give A+'s anymore!)

dont just use wikipedia...
Quote by 23:50 inbleach
can't i just eat the fucking cactus?

Quote by WildChicken
Go suck a cat westdyolf!

Quote by Cat Of Pain
So, West...

I hear you'll suck my cat...

Ill suck your cat
PEACE LOVE PANCAKES
call me zach

chocolate chip pancakes!
#19
they cant d00d.

well at least in michigan they cant give A+'s anymore
Quote by 23:50 inbleach
can't i just eat the fucking cactus?

Quote by WildChicken
Go suck a cat westdyolf!

Quote by Cat Of Pain
So, West...

I hear you'll suck my cat...

Ill suck your cat
PEACE LOVE PANCAKES
call me zach

chocolate chip pancakes!
#20
Quote by tryhonesty



Dream Theater is a progressive metal band that formed in the 1980’s. Dream Theater are composed of members John Petrucci(Guitarist), Jordan Rudess(keyboardist), John Myung(Bassist), Mike Portnoy(Drummer) and singer James Labrie.

For this assignment I have chosen the song Octavarium. Although Octavarium isn’t an English word, it comes from latin, “Arium” meaning “Related to”, and "Octave" is a series of musical notes that repeats itself. These notes are A, B, C, D, E, F and G. On a guitar, the low end of the A octave would be an open (without pressing down on the frets) note, on the fifth string. The high end of the octave would be at the 12th fret, on the same string. Since both of these are called A, it ends where it began. Started with an A, ended with an A. So Octavarium means: Life is related to an octave. This is saying that everything will end where it began.

On the album Octavarium, there are many things that coincide with the numbers 5&8. Such as; in a piano octave, there are 5 black keys and 8 white keys. On the actual disc, there is star (5 sides) and an octagon(8 sides) On the lyrics book, there are 8 balls on Newton’s Cradle and 5 birds in the background. In a piano octave, each ball symbolizes a white key while each bird symbolizes a black key in an octave. The birds are between each ball where the black keys would be in an octave. WHAT THE **** DOES THAT MATTER??? EXPLAIN YOUR SHIT

From Dream Theater’s 6th studio album ( Six degrees of inner turbulence)
To Octavarium( their 8th album), they were all connected in some way. Either Part one
of a song would be at the end of one album and part two would be at the beginning of the
next, or the song at the end of one album would sound extremely similar to a song that
Starts the next album.

When James Labrie sings the lyrics: 'To find I’ve come full circle', this means that his life is moving in circles. So he’s saying his life is an octavarium. When he sings: 'I’m trapped inside this Octavarium', he means that his life is stuck repeating itself, and he can’t make it stop.
During the Intervals section, if you listen really, really, REALLY hard,you will hear James Labrie sing the chorus of the other 7 songs on the album. This is most audible after part 5 out of 8. However, it’s still very hard to hear in places.

The meaning of Octavarium is that everything will end where it began, and everything is going to be repeated.



This was honestly one of the worst papers I've ever read, you have horrible grammar, your points either don't make sense, aren't supported, are repeated, or aren't explained. If you had handed it in like that, you would not have gotten even close to a 78%. However, I've made some changes to grammar and sentence structure, and because I assume this is formal essay style, I took out your colloquial sentences, which don't add anything to the paper. I didn't take out contractions (can't, don't, won't, etc.), but you should if it's supposed to be formal. I think if you invest more time into the paper it can get better, but I'm not going to do it for you. It has potential, just try to explain the SIGNIFICANCE of your points, not just that Octavarium means repetition. Explain why that's important to the song, and why it's important to the album as a whole. As well, with the whole 5 & 8 deal, I see where you're going, but you don't state it directly, and you should. Good luck with your paper, I think if you work hard on it you can do well.

-cheers,
Tons of Fun

Edit: You also need to connect your paragraphs, and try and find a thesis statement. Make an argument, and try to prove it using your points. That's what will get you marks, and it will instantly add some structure which is lacking right now.
Gear:
Fender Hot Rod Deville 2x12
Custom Built Guitar (made it myself)
PRS SE Soapbar II Maple
Fender Stratacoustic (Stolen! )
Digitech RP200
Boss MT-2
Roland Microcube
I like my stuff!
Last edited by muse-ik at Dec 6, 2009,
#21
Quote by tryhonesty

your just about to die



That is all.
I'll play it and tell you what it is later.
-Miles Davis
#22
Quote by Oyface
Not to be rude, but i think you will fail badly.

Agreed.
KatehMonster
Quote by Nilpferdkoenig
Dude, if you were a lesbian asking out another lesbian in a man forum we would be going crazy too.
Quote by zerosystem
just because you're a girl and you get more pussy than me doesn't give you the right to brag.
#23
I've corrected all of the problems that you guys said, except a few. And I fixed the grammar issues. I will hand this in tommorow and get my mark back probably later this week. I'll tell you what the mark was, see if you guys were right about it or not.
Gear

Guitars
Ibanez ART 300
Squier Strat
Godin 12 string Antique cedarburst
Ibanez RGD 320

Amps
Peavey Vypyr Tube 60W
Peavey Solo 15 W
Fender 10 W

Effects
Dunlop GCB - 95 Crybaby wah
Boss DD-7 Digital Delay
Boss MT-2 Distortion
#24
wrong
VERY METAL!
\m/
RIP Ronnie James Dio

Quote by metaldud536
RazorTheAwesome, if I was a Ditto, I'd transform into YOU

Quote by Kensai
Basically god wanted to punish people for getting educated/eating apples.

Quote by Jackal58
We all desire a little pussy.
#25
i think its really good, all these people dont understand the standards a grade 8 teacher has, im in grade 7, and if i passed that in the my teacher, she would be so delighted and think i was really, really, REALLY smart!
#27
Very bad statements. What with the "octave = note that repeats itself" definition, and "though it isn't a real word, it has a meaning". That about as far as I read, as it was that terrible.
#28
Fanboyism and a lack of writing talent.
No.
"Black gives way to more black."




I have UG Black Style and I can barely read my signature.

Also, I like black.


~DawnwalkerALL HAIL COMRADE DAWNWALKER
#29
Lots of little inaccuracies, which to a non guitar player will just make things more complicated. Such as the part about the notes, I know exactly what an octave is, but that part makes very little sense to me. And the paragraph on Six Degrees isn't necessary, its got nothing to do with Octavarium. Also, no mention that octavarium is DT's 8th album, and the song is the 8th on the album? 8=Octa? Also might pay to get someone to edit it for you, and get rid of all the speling/"grammar' issues.

Also, Octavarium would, from your information, mean "related to octaves" or even related to 8", but "life is related to octaves" is adding a bit too much. You might want to make the whole thing longer too.
Gear
Hamer Standard XT
1963 Burns Split Sonic
Boss DD-7 (w/ Tap switch)
BAJA Real Tube Overdrive
Vox V847 Wah
Digitech Whammy IV
Boss TU-2
Vox AD50VTXL
#31
I would take out the part about the guitar notes and stuff considering that is just plain gibberish to anyone who doesnt play guitar. I think the rest is good though. It might be a good idea to have a longer opening paragraph with a thesis statement though and a better concluding sentence.
#34
Quote by emsote
i think its really good, all these people dont understand the standards a grade 8 teacher has, im in grade 7, and if i passed that in the my teacher, she would be so delighted and think i was really, really, REALLY smart!


well see your in 7th grade...

most of us are older than that, and isnt 7th grade too young for UG?

pretty much all you do is talk about how Octavarium is repeating life, and not really going into depth with what that means.

reapeating life would go along the lines of buddhism and hinduism, i would not use contractions in an essay of any type be it formal or informative or any other form of writing, it dumbs down the writing and makes them stand out more.

i would remove the part about the ocatve and how it works, and i would go into more depth of how they came together, maybe mention that mike portnoy invited 3/4ths of the band to create a new band(liquid tension experiment)

oh and uhm spell check is your best frannnddd

but make sure you use the correct for of "there"

there is location
their is possesion
they're is a contraction and shouldnt be used.
Quote by 23:50 inbleach
can't i just eat the fucking cactus?

Quote by WildChicken
Go suck a cat westdyolf!

Quote by Cat Of Pain
So, West...

I hear you'll suck my cat...

Ill suck your cat
PEACE LOVE PANCAKES
call me zach

chocolate chip pancakes!
#35
I suggest you get the book "Strunk and White." It's chock full of stuff to help with essays.
^^The above is a Cryptic Metaphor^^


"To know the truth of history is to realize its ultimate myth and its inevitable ambiguity." Everything is made up and the facts don't matter.


MUSIC THEORY LINK
#37
I approve of song choice. Report no so much. I didn't get the purpose of what you were actually writing. But since you've turned it in already good luck
Gear:
Paul Reed Smith SE Custom 24
Marshall MG30DFX
ISP Noise Decimator
Need a new amp. Any ideas? PM me


Quote by Kensai
Either you got the wrong thread or the gays in your state are very well hung.

#38
Quote by Dirge Humani


im gonna rub my dick in your face you little shit head!!!!!

im not the one getting graded on my typing now am i???
Quote by 23:50 inbleach
can't i just eat the fucking cactus?

Quote by WildChicken
Go suck a cat westdyolf!

Quote by Cat Of Pain
So, West...

I hear you'll suck my cat...

Ill suck your cat
PEACE LOVE PANCAKES
call me zach

chocolate chip pancakes!