#1
I see the contorted silhouette,
So I strut towards the mangled man.
He glances at me and now I regret,
My choice on that somber, dreary day.
Though I must act without hesitation,
For my life has long been in disarray.
I will resist temptation for my salvation.

Hooded, cloaked in the deepest dark,
Shadow covers all, save the purple eye.
My heart drops for I know, we must embark.
I am deafened by the pure lack of noise.
We parade on for hours on end; doubt takes me.
The mystic guide stops and glances at his token,
The intricate gold, jeweled watch is the key.

Sweat expires and plunges into my eyes,
I sponge away the nuisance and it appears,
The castle in a land beyond time with no skies.
The titans made this monstrous chateau,
The colossal diamond door swings open.
I’ve gone down a rabbit hole but see no glow.
Greeted by the doorman, grotesque and unshapen.

Into the final room I slowly meander towards.
A giant stained glass window with all history
Is what first catches my eye, next I see the lords.
The wise men older than God, keepers of time,
These prophets forecast life, the heralds of thought.
There are dripping clocks and up the stairs I climb.
There it is, Libri Gnarus Totus, the prize I’ve sought.

Deep in the dusty, faded book are answers,
Answers to questions I have yet to ask.
The promise whirls my soul like poetic dancers.
What I am promised, I know not, but I know…
This knowledge will undo my own existence.
The desire warms my heart with ecstasy on the plateau.
Finding myself possessed with promise, I risk my subsistence.

I am bewildered as I look towards the golden pages,
Though I’m pierced by deep purple-eyed gazes.
I am terror-stricken, so I hastily pick up my prize,
I am halted at once; I can no longer move my feet.
In a moment all the figures discard their disguise.
Then I see the massive hourglass below my seat.
I turn to sand and drift away; I will remember,
I’ll never burn the image out my mind; it is an ember.

The greatest lesson ever learned,
In my mind it will forever burn.
On my past life I reminisce,
All I can think, ignorance is bliss.


I wrote this a long time ago, but I just found it again. It's not finished though. I plan to expand this, but please give me some advice for what I have so far. C4C
Last edited by Ramblin'_Man at Dec 7, 2009,
#2
honestly, it is a tough read. I hate saying, "it seems like you tried too hard," so I am expressing that I am not implying this, but the word choice is complicated, as if it words are being chosen on the grounds that they are long.

The last stanza is the most important, though I'm not sure whether I like it or not. I hold it to heart. The only problem I have with it is that it just seems out of place.. Perhaps it is just a sense of poetic-ness that I do not grasp? (The fact that it is short and simple, compared to the rest of the work, which is longer and far more wordy).

overall I liked this piece, it might be over encumbering to some if it is expanded on, but I wouldn't mind the read I suppose.
Lord Gold feeds from your orifices and he wants to see you sweat.
Lord Gold probes you publicly and makes your pussy wet.
Now say his name.....