#1
she said to me
you dont know what its like
but i would hold her
i want to hold you
to show her this is real
and now i know
what its like to be you

she said i love you
and thats so sweet
and that i dont care
because you're wrong
just because im not there
doesnt mean i dont love you

and pretty words dont change the truth
because shes right
and i love another,
all the love she shows me
could never change that

truth is you dont need me
and neither does she
truth is i love you
and its all lost in the truth

she said to me,
you dont know what its like
oh but i do
just not over her
i want to hold her
so i know she's alright
dont let her hurt like me
and i guess that could be
all she needs ...
Sorry if Ive offended some kind of Punk God I should brush up on my Commandments of Punk maybe copy down the Punk Bible a few thousand times so I don't forget again sorry for my error O Punk Master Of All Things That Are Punk .
Last edited by BrandyCross at Dec 7, 2009,
#2
You could use some apostrophes :p

Plus "your" should be "you're" multiple times, such as in the lines "i said your so sweet".

Other than grammatical errors, I thought the piece was a bit boring, repetitive, and confusing with the all the I said, she said lines. The meaning was kind of cool, but I think it was overall poorly executed. It lacked eloquence and some articulation.

EDIT: Ah, much better to read without so much "said". Makes it a bit more powerful as well.
Last edited by D&DLover at Dec 7, 2009,