#1
http://profile.ultimate-guitar.com/rushmore/
i recorded the above song in my profile, put it on repeat and listened, then wrote this.


somewhere along someone and magics asleep,
beneath canopy trees umbrella'd by ivy roofing that lets
water in as it pleases;
posing as the dampness of your cheeks or
the sensual softness you speak whispering curses to me;
under cellophane silhouettes of primitive post modern ballerinas
who lose a step as they pirouette through ballroom emptiness;
clapping hands with posture less bleachers where attentive
dust rests like ferns in a jungle north of marinette borrowing
cigarettes from bordering cities like norway or menomonie;
so eager to return the kindness wiping foreheads with favors tells
of the stories told from the glories that spill from your chest like-
how, to the insects asleep popping thought bubbles of death,
morning and mourning are the same but different;
somewhere along someone and magics asleep.
Last edited by rushmore at Dec 8, 2009,
#2
Quote by rushmore

somewhere along someone and magics asleep,
beneath canopy trees umbrella'd by ivy roofing that lets
water in as it pleases;
posing as the dampness of your cheeks or
the sensual softness you speak whispering curses to me; This is great. You have such a unique way with imagery. I wanted the water image to somehow show up in the last line before this, but it doesn't contract from the piece as it is.
under cellophane silhouettes of primitive post modern ballerinas
who lose a step as they pirouette through ballroom emptiness;
clapping hands with posture less bleachers where attentive
dust rests like ferns in a jungle north of marinette borrowing
cigarettes from bordering cities like norway or menomonie;
so eager to return the kindness wiping foreheads with favors tells
of the stories told from the glories that spill from your chest like-
how to the insects asleep popping thought bubbles of death, This part flows especially well but something about the beginning of the last line of it seems off. "how to the insects" feels like there's either an extra word or a word missing.
morning and mourning are the same but different;
somewhere along someone and magics asleep.


Just nitpicky stuff. I enjoyed this, and I appreciate the Sigur Ros-like ambience in the song.
#3
I read this before listening to the music, and really liked it. I then read it with the music in the background, and loved it. You're my favourite
#4
good stuff indeed
マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん 
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ
 さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー 
じーんせいはっわんつー!ぱんち・・・


"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching

#6
you have a good grip on manipulating words even when you're not just narrating.

Also
d'you listen to sigur ros?
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja

#7
yes. i reference them a lot in my poetry and such. they are the only band thats ever completely possessed me in every aspect of my being. anything i make musically is definitely influenced by them, which could be good or bad i guess.
thanks for the comments.
#9
very very pretty song. I had listened to it before i saw this poem but it wasn't what i expected. it was like when you stay awake all night but without keeping track of time and you look outside and when you do its light out and everyones waking up already and youre surprised but it still feels right. this started and ended in the same place but very differently. It moved quietly.
reading it over and over again, especially with the music, i find it is vast. the scope of the poem is huge. but its attached to something focused which i like a lot.
before i continue rambling i will stop. i'll sleep happier because of this.
Anatomy Anatomy
Whale Blue Review

Park that car
Drop that phone
Sleep on the floor
Dream about me