#1
Moving past this burden in me
Showing me what im suppost to belive
As the mind follow, Souls turn hollow
Twisting lives hypnitising I....

Im open, But my hearts grown cold
Im Closed off, But never Alone
So why is must When this must be done

Why..Am i Open to you
Right is hard wrong is easy to do
Im ........open to this eternity
past this darkness your Here to follow me

I no its not good just need to kno if its compleat trash or is some good??
C4C
#2
Quote by gord69961
Moving past this burden in me
Showing me what im suppost to belive
As the mind follow, Souls turn hollow
Twisting lives hypnitising I....

rhyming in the third line is out of place, no rythm

Im open, But my hearts grown cold
Im Closed off, But never Alone
So why is must When this must be done

Last line to me, doesn't seem to make any sence. Although the first 2 line are quite generic, I do like them, and could easily be used in a song

Why..Am i Open to you
Right is hard wrong is easy to do
Im ........open to this eternity
past this darkness your Here to follow me

Still not sure on the direction of your song. can't seem to find any rythm in this.

I no its not good just need to kno if its compleat trash or is some good??
C4C



Very basic and generic. No real imagery, no real direction that I can see. The only good thing about this song, is that you are writing, save this piece, maybe come back to it, add more. I think the first 2 lines of the second verse you could easily keep for a song. Sorry for the harsh comments.