#1
ots. c4c.


It's hard to enjoy morning
when your cereal bowl is filling
with the blood of your
totalitarian neighbor's victims.
It makes the captain's crunch,
just a wee bit bitter and soggy.

To get back at today,
I tossed thumbs from commies
into McCarthy's
house salad and tomato soup.
Had myself a jolly Christmas,
celebrating peace, love, and tolerance
of political ideals;
sipping on eggnog,
crushing walnuts between molars,
and toasting the idea of Santa
delivering coal to Brad Pitt;
he was a bit of a dick this year.
To get back at today,
I lived it to the fullest;
enjoying every irony,
noting every innuendo,
crushing the souls of cynical bastards,
kicking crutches from beneath
rednecks faking injuries for government paychecks.
Twas a glorious day full of champagne moments.
Twas a glorious day today.
#2
This is a prime example of why I love your writing. This is you at your best. Brilliance.
#3
The first verse doesnt seem to go with the main body of the song in the least. The first four lines make you seem like your going all serious, and then you make a joke of it with the Captain Crunch jibe. It just doesnt work for me personally, I think that you could've done alot better with that stanza so that we were ready for the main body. I enjoyed the second verse immensely, I really got where you were coming from and the why and who. The last nine lines are genius. They are smart lines that really end it with clear imagery which is sometimes hard to do when your tying the song together.

C4C? Sig.
Too lazy to come up with a clever or relevant sig.
#4
I'd start a new stanza at the second "to get back at today.." , makes logical sense too and breaks it up nicely.

The cereal idea up top is not so amazing, its been done and there wasn't a special spin put on it by you.

The tone is unreliable for me. It's cynical and snipey, yet pompous and whiny. Which feels like you were striving too much for style over substance imo.

The above comment figures nicely; serious/comical? It's not good satire when that questions needs to be addressed, and again makes this unreliable.

But it is readable. Nothing I'll remember but not something that turned me right off.

Have a nice day.
#6
The cereal. You need to show me why it's bad.
At this point, I'm not even convinced that you tasted it, slushed it around in your mouth a bit, grinned, and spit it out, or anything.
I'm not convinced. Nor, would I take this narrators word on it. I need his expressions about it, not so much his opinions.
captain's crunch was clever though. I'll give you that.

the rest was okay. You and I both know you could improve this piece.
Promises meant a lot back then.