#1
Just to let you know, this is my first ever attempt at a country song. I just smoked a small joint, then starting writing this is a first draft. tell me what you think. Also I have no title for it yet. C4C


when I was younger my grandma said,
pick up that guitar son, don't be like your dad,
your grandpa, he could play the fiddle well,
and your daddy just never gave a hell.

you see music can make a grown man smile,
it can make you walk that country mile.
just sing from your soul, and for someone,
son just never forget where you come from.

and I sang, about freedom,
and i sang, about war,
and I played it all for this girl I knew next door,
and I sang about the music,
and I sang about the world,
and I played it all for a pretty green eyed girl.

I played a few shows here and there,
never really thought I'd get anywhere.
along came a man with a cowboy hat,
and offered me a Nashville contract.

I asked my girl if she'd leave with me,
she grinned, said boy I've always liked Tennessee.
never thought I'd be nervous about t.v,
until I stepped foot on the Gran Ole Opry.

I froze up in front of that crowd,
all I heard was make your girl proud,
I looked to my left, and there she was,
dressed to the nines with a cowboy's touch.

and I sang, about freedom,
and i sang, about war,
and I played it all for this girl I knew next door,
and I sang about the music,
and I sang about the world,
and I played it all for a pretty green eyed girl.

you see,
I'd been playing songs for this girl my whole life,
and I finally got the courage to ask her,
I said, girl will you be my wife,
she just smiled at what we now were.

I said sorry about this old thing,
It was my grandmothers wedding ring.
She never uttered a single word,
my nervous breathings' all I heard.

To break the silence that we had,
I just picked up my old guitar...

and I sang about marriage,
and I sang about our dreams,
and I played it all for my wife to be.
and I sang about the future
and I sang about our new world.
and I played it all for a green eyed girl.
Last edited by acoustic_jesus at Dec 11, 2009,
#2
First half decent song I've seen on these forums, though I haven't been looking. But please, when writing a country song, don't make it like every other country/pop/bullshit song out now, with damn power chords and unnecessary vocal twang and unnecessary vocal harmony. That shit pisses the hell out of me.
Listen to my songs on my profile pretty please


Quote by SamhainGrim
I wish a had a vagina to go with my penis...:[
#3
For a first attempt at a country song, it isnt half bad. However, I thought that you relied to much on what you saw and not what you were trying to get the reader to see, ie it lacked imagery in places. In a sense though you made up for that by keeping with the same rthymn and feel for the entire song, and the rhymes seemed to work in my opinion. The reference to Gran Ol Opry I do not understand and if its not common not many will understand it unless your looking for a niche audience. My final thought is that the lines "I said, girl will you be my wife, she just smiled at what we now were" Did not go together in the sense that they didnt rhyme and keep with the tone and feel of the rest of the song.

In the end, for someone who doesnt like country I think you did a decent job with this peice, but it seems like something that countries done time and time again.

C4C? sig.
Too lazy to come up with a clever or relevant sig.
#5
Subtle change -> if you turn 'this' to 'a pretty green eyed girl' it makes it sound less like your girl and more like a girl the listener probably knows, that way they can identify more.

I dig it
Good stuff mang.
#6
I'm not that into country, but after reading this I was very impressed! This is solid stuff!
You and I are mortal, but rock n roll will never die.
#8
so my mom always plays horrible country and this is by far one of the best country songs i've ever read , the lyrics are adorable! =]