#1
Yo. So I originally posted this song years ago, it was one of the first I wrote with what came to be my current band. We've got about an album's worth of original stuff and some covers and are starting to do shows and recordings. This is what we've come up with on the recording end....glad to finally be able to share with you the song more fully realized. Listening to a song you wrote and perfected over a few years on actual drums, bass, guitar, vocals is a rewarding experience

I'm keeping the old guitar pro on here (ancient mix) lol
The 'newest' guitar pro is also attached

and here is the link to the recording. If I should move this to another forum I'll do so. cheers.
Attachments:
Elements (ancient mix).gp4
Kurzweil K2500xs
Last edited by ~Flounder~ at Jan 8, 2013,
#2
It was alright... just seemed kinda repetitive. There wasn't anything that really grabbed me. Also, I feel as though there wasn't really any trance involved untill the very end (barely). It seemed more techno-ish, or like COB style keyboard stuff. I'd definitely give the album a chance though if i heard this song on the radio or something.
#3
Cool, theres some real nice rhythms in there. You really need to get keys in the choruses though, epic it up.

Oh, and if you don't know and love them already, listen to http://www.myspace.com/silentdescent1 - they've got the trance/metal thing spot on.
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#4
Quote by bassninja
Cool, theres some real nice rhythms in there. You really need to get keys in the choruses though, epic it up.

Oh, and if you don't know and love them already, listen to http://www.myspace.com/silentdescent1 - they've got the trance/metal thing spot on.



Yea I'm stuck on how to make the chorus complete with the keys.....once we think up something epic enough its definitely going in there though. And yea dude, Silent Descent is pretty sick, although I don't really enjoy the singing style too much their style is a big influence on us! Thanks for the crit, too
Kurzweil K2500xs
#5
Quote by MustaKuura
It was alright... just seemed kinda repetitive. There wasn't anything that really grabbed me. Also, I feel as though there wasn't really any trance involved untill the very end (barely). It seemed more techno-ish, or like COB style keyboard stuff. I'd definitely give the album a chance though if i heard this song on the radio or something.



sounds like we need to work on creating more of a 'hook' for the song then.....ya COB is my biggest influence in writing key parts. I'm glad that you would be interested in listening to more music like this, thanks for the crit
Kurzweil K2500xs
#6
Eh, Bit too bright for my tastes. Didn't see where your coming from with the trance Idea.

Could use a better Hook Too. Ending seemed pretty abrupt.

Not a bad composition, just not for me. I can't say its bad, But it didn't make my ears ejaculate earwax either...
#7
I enjoyed it. Do you listen to Blood Stain Child at all? They literally mix trance and metal together. This reminded me slightly of them, but just less techno-ish. I think they would be a good inspiration. Check them out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2oi-8xl7uZs
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yntxtAcP4TM

Overall, I think the chorus needs a better hook...it didn't really grab me, and if I wasn't looking at the tab I wouldn't even know that was the chorus TBH. But it may be just me, where I like big, grandiose choruses in melodic metal songs. Obviously, it depends how epic you want to make it.

Keep working on it though, you've got a really good foundation for a good trance-metal song. 7/10
Last edited by Z3r0747 at Dec 12, 2009,
#9
Overall decent composition. The synth melodies were a highlight but i think you need to totally scrap that breakdown-bridge bit that was a different tempo etc, just didnt work. I know its not finished yet but the song just doesnt need it. scrap that bit and work on making another verse with loads more epic synth stuff. especially like that guy said, in the chorus and something to thicken up the verse sound. The synths in the pre chorus are mint. I think the first outro bit that begins to go dancey might as well go the whole way and just go techno.
The main riff starts off pretty slow imo, you should add some epic pads at the start of that section to thicken it out before the leads come in.
Not really something i would listen too but i can image it being decent with some good vocals and more SYYYYYNTH!
so yea, kick the breakdown and the bridge pedal riff because they are boring and irrelevant, epic up the synths and keep the song driving, it should come out good

check out my cheezy synth if you have time, thanks for your cirt
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1243688
#10
It's not bad at all, not really my thing but not bad. I didn't really find myself drawn into the piece as much as I could of been, maybe that's due to the midi but I couldn't find a destinguisable hook either. There were also a few unneeded repitions which just ruined large portions of it for me.

To summarise I'd look at adding some more interesting melodic guitar parts and perhaps cut the large chunk of repetition towards the centre.

6.5/10
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#11
Well everythings already been said i think.

It get's repetitive, and i feel that there needs to be ALOT more keys.


Try using some strings in your chorus at least :\


Maybe a chiff lead + Square combo with the chiff on a high octave.


Usually gets a cool sound i think.
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#13
Sorry for not getting back to you, I haven't had much time...

I'll try to get to it soon, but if I don't have it done in a day or so, feel free to remind me.
#14
This really isn't my type of music but i thought it was pretty good, got a bit repetitive and it definitely needs more synth to be a trance song!
but this is definitely a decent song, a bit of tweaking would make it a good song
#15
Personally, I kinda like it. It needs a little more fleshing out with some more hooks and whatnot, like people are saying, but this is definately on the right track.

I am also in the camp that finds the breakdown a little bit unnecessary. It just seems a little out of place. The part after the breakdown with the guitar and the synth sounds cool, and has a lot of potential but needs a little more fleshing out.

I can definately hear the CoB influence on keys, it sounds pretty cool. Like others are saying, it might sound a little better with more keys.

I must admit that it does get a little repetitive, but vocals and a few better hooks might be able to change that!

Measure 17 is a pretty solid place for the band to enter and does so in a decent way.

Measure 41 has a nice melody

The verse riff is solid!

Have to say...I actually like the pre-chorus section a bit more than the actual chorus. I like the feel of the build-up.

The actual trancey part where the guitar fades is really good as well!

I could actually see myself listening to this sometime, it's pretty cool, just needs a little bit more work.

If you want an actual number rating...I'd say 7/10 right now. The breakdown and some of the repetitiveness does take away a bit, but overall very solid!

So anyway...I'd really appreciate more critique on my own peice, you can find it at the link below
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1238643
#16
Yo man, just saw your crit on my song.. I'll return the crit soon cause I don't have GP since I'm on my brother's pc..
#17
check for updated version...thanks to everyone for the crits, we definitely took your advice and did some reworking of the song.
Kurzweil K2500xs
#18
The intro is pretty cool, I like the guitar rhythm when the band enters. The odd chord(I don't really know what it is) that starts the Genesis is really nice and I think you should possibly make the rest of the chords of this section the same, as in, that sort of odd nice melodic chord.
The Slayer riff is pretty cool, I like the dischord(I think that's what it's called), but kinda sounds like something from a video game, I dunno if that's bad thing. The letdown is the main riff now. It's just a bit, simplistic for what the previous sections were.
The synths in Verse I are pretty cool. The pre-chorus could be a bit more epic though, it's quite dull in a way, mores synths? But I like the chorus a lot although the outro there is a bit boring.

I liked a quite a few bits in it but overall it didn't really catch my attention. I just think you could make more of the sections more, err, epic really. Like others have said, more synth I guess.
#20
Dude this is awesome! Really loving the synths. I'm a big fan of electronic music and metal so this is a perfect combo for me. The guitars are pretty standard but I guess you can't be too brutal when trying to factor keys in xd.

C4C? It's in my sig.
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#21
returning your crit

more synth! like the others said...

I liked it. It's kinda one of the first tastes I have to this genre, and I'd have to say it was pretty good.

The labeling on the score was good and helpful. I didn't feel like anything changed during the song. It was always the same upbeat tune. I guess I looked at the song as a metal/techno hybrid. And a good DJ always really brings things down, then turns them up in the heat of the moment at the climax. It sounded like you tried to do that, but I would have had a longer breakdown.
#22
I didn't really find a lot wrong with it. I liked the beats and the song sounded more melodic than happy. It had a nice variety of riffs and I liked the song. I think the guitar could have been louder in some parts but if that's not the direction your going for then fair enough. It was a very solid song, and I would like to hear more from your band. 9/10.

link is in my signature for return-critic
Last edited by Kämpfer at Dec 28, 2009,
#23
thanks for the past 3 crits, gentlemen. I returned the favor as well look forward to hearing more metulz
Kurzweil K2500xs
#24
Hi... I hadn't seen your crit on one of my songs until now, and probably a crit back now won't do you much good, but what the hell, at least you get a random bump. sorry.

Well... what can I say about this? Without the synth this would be a very average melodic metal song, nothing about the riffs, chord progressions, melody etc. is really all that original. I suppose one should guess that from the markers... xD But anyway, the idea of trance metal sounds pretty interesting, and the synth parts give it an extra edge. Still, I think you should invest a little more in ambience (I think some strings or the warm pad, at a really low volume and just playing some chords would go really well with this. just to fill it up a little.)

It's interesting enough to listen while doing something else, but not something I'd stay focused in until the end. So if I were to give you any advice it would be to work on creating some more original riffs without pseudo-ripping off Genesis or Slayer or whatever... but maybe that's a matter of taste, that a prog-freak won't be happy with what you have here. If you ignore that, good work.
#25
thank you for the above crit ^^^^^

I went back into the guitar pro file and did some reworking of the song to not only fill it out with more sound/layering, but also to get it a bit more original (as many ppl suggested).

If anyones still reading this thread, check this janks out, I think it sounds waaay better than the original.
Kurzweil K2500xs
Last edited by ~Flounder~ at Feb 16, 2010,
#26
returning the favor here

i dig the bass intro w/ the synth effects in the beggining. gets a good groovy club mood going on
from 49 - 66 i like what you got goin on with the solo over the bass. i dont quite enjoy the transision bit up to it tho. for me its a bit bland.

68 - 83 it sounds good but i think the guitar riff is generic sounding.
84 - 100 a bit of a spin off. once againl. sounds good. but to generic sounding compared to the beginning of the song which to me sounded original and epic for the most part

i love the part starting at 131 it just makes me wanna headbang for somereason and its got a groove to it i think which is important to me.

overal its a really quality piece of music that flows really well. The bass really sticks out and i'm glad it has such prominent use. the trance wasnt there as much as i had expected but it works well where it is implemented. esecially at the beginning. other than a few riffs i found to be a tinge generic, i enjoyed this 8.5 outta 10 for me.