#1
I decided to take an attempt to write some lyrics, this is the first time I've wrote any lyrics because most of the time I come up with something which cliche.

Time is a Thief - Green Mile


Time is a thief, it took many years away from me
I was once young, no responsibility,
but now here I sit, Im treated like a fool, it's irrational hostility

Time is a thief, time has stolen from me

I now sit in the corner, door closed and lights off, I'm not home
Fear in the form of shadows on my wall, I turn away but they stand tall

Time is a thief, time has stolen from me

Many years have passed, eyes locked on the door,
A knock echoed, came threw a tall figure
I finally closed my curtains, I was awaiting for this
Now young again.

Thanks,
Quote by Kensai
You'll find whisky very different, but try it and you'll grow into it, soon you and whisky are one, but still two, lovers dancing across a frozen lake under moonlight, wrapped in honey and warmth.


Sums up whisky perfectly
#2
How's it going, man? Congrats on writing your first set of lyrics. After reading this through a few times, I personally think that you have a solid foundation to build off of in terms of this song and your writing ability in general. There were several lines in here that I could definitely relate to. The phrase "irrational hostility" is a great and I think it adds a lot to the piece. Definitely keep that in there if you do decide to edit this a little.

As for what I would suggest editing, I would expand upon the imagery you already have. The scenes you are setting are dark and ominous which means you've established a tone and that's definitely a good thing. However, as a reader, that tone would hit me that much harder if you describe an articulate, relatable image to it. For me, "eyes locked on the door" and "tall figure" are too vague for me. As a result, I'm not able to feel this as much as I would like. In order to come up with more vivid images, just really ruminate on this topic and how you feel about it. Listen to some music that inspires you to write and just reflect. More often than not, ideas and images will start popping up. Then it's up to you to articulate them in a poetic way.

Lastly, I suggest considering (especially as a beginner) to formulate your song structure in terms of a story. Essentially, a song is a story. You want the reader to know why you feel a certain way, why you are doing certain things, who you are, etc. As a reader, I want to know why you feel like time is a thief. I want to you what has occurred or what is occurring that makes you feel this way. Hopefully you get what I mean. I think having a sense of linearty is very important in lyrics.

But overall, you have a lot of potential and this song is a solid foundation. Just some polishing up here and there and I think you'll be well on your way. Above all, keep writing. I can guarantee that that is the most effective way to improve. Take it easy.
here, My Dear, here it is