#1
I started writing this about 20 mins ago, had most, if not all, the guitar figured out in about 5 minutes. Then I pretty much threw done what ever came to my head for lyrics. It's different from anything I've done before. I usually don't rhyme and with this I just felt like having that one constant rhyme. It's also a really short song, I dunno it's just a strange song, I can't decide whether I like the lyrics or not because they're so simple.
Verse 1
So you've, you've taken from me
I'll gladly agree
And I'll let you bake, yes you will see
Go die for me

Verse 2
So you've, you've taken from me
Now your just sinking debris
Go cry for me
Go die for me

Solo

Verse 3/Outro
Go, take your boat out to sea
No, you'll never see
What you took from me
Go die for me

I'll come up with a better name later ^.^
And I purposely put 'sea' and 'see' together in the last verse/outro. 'See' would be emphasised vocally to I guess make it work, I can't really explain it hahaha. The song would probably make more sense if I was a singer and could record it.
What do you guys think, despite its simplicity?
Last edited by Drummerrrrr? at Dec 12, 2009,
#2
besides the simplicity i enjoyed it. i often like dark images in lyrics such as this. it did a good job of showing your anger for whoever or whatever this is wether its based on something that actually happened or not.
My gear
Epiphone Les Paul Standard
B-52 LS100 Half Stack
Dunlop SW30 Slash Signature Wah
Digitech Hardwire CR-7 Stereo Chorus
Digitech Hardwire DL-8 Delay/Looper
Boss BD-2 Blues Driver
Fender CD220CE Acoustic
#3
The title is what caught my attention. The lines "Go cry for me, go die for me" seem like the best ones in the song. With a little bit more development, this could be a brilliant song. The verses just seem a little bit too simple, but as you said that's what you wrote them to be. But there are some great ideas presented in this song, and I think they should be developed a little more. Maybe add a few more lines in each of the verses and tell a little bit more story, or create more images in the readers/listeners mind. Overall, this is a good song though. The third verse was my favorite.
C4C? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1245016