#1
i found you eating birdseed in a rung out well mediating
divided sides of a tree fell, you called my name and i looked
away, your shirt adorned with feathers and bee sting lovers,
my mother warned me about myself, my mother warned me about;
cuyahoga in the summertime, eyelids hung open by
strings attached to the top tips of fir trees where
christmas kissed and left then,
june and july are months i dont miss you,
when i'm in a little blue house with no roof,
on a little red bed with no springs,
it's autumn,
so be kind,
i trace the roots beneath your feet to the circuitry in my living room,
i hit the lights,
you fall behind,
turn on the tv,
you get up and leave,
take the shade of my lamp with you and
fit it around the sun,
the moon is up and somewhere down,
i'm the only fool left around.
#5
The beginning got me into it, and the end was beautiful. The only line I didn't like was
"june and july are months i dont miss you". I felt it was too direct. BTW is your sig a reference to the dirty projectors? Because if so, you have a good taste in music, sir.
#7
that line sticks out a bit to me too, but i decided to keep it in there for whatever reasons. and yes, dirty projectors are amazing. bitte orca is probably my favorite cd of the year.
#8
Thanks for sharing this.
マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん 
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ
 さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー 
じーんせいはっわんつー!ぱんち・・・


"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching

#10
that isnt the title you used in your blogs, is it? if it is I dont recognize it; i could have sworn it was something else

anyway
this is less perplexing than the first time i read it, but i still feel like there are conflicting feelings in it. i'll come back.
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja

#11
you have a satisfying, very delicate sense of structure but a lot of those really great lines seem to lose their momentum for one reason or another. try re-arranging some of the lines or maybe fine-tune the formatting.
#12
great imagery
the message wasnt quite as strong
but definitely present
Reaching for the sun
one may forget
the feet which
ground him