#1



There's strength in civility,
order in morality,
fairness through
impartial judging
of the weak of mind.
A champion will rise among
the meek.
"Jesus! Jesus!"
They chant and hope
for a day when the
new testament comes
bearing fruit and wrath.
"Turn the other cheek,
for the Lord will strike
thine enemy."
Don't judge, be judged.

Come with me to the rapture.
Break your wings from their casings
and cast off into the sky;
together,
let us forsake the shell that
God delivered us.
Fly towards the sun,
free of gravity and the laws
of inconsequential men and deities.
Fly toward the sun
and discover what we've always
been capable of,
when not hindered by our own
imaginations.


#2
I enjoyed the subtlety in this and the fact that it took me several reads before I could fully grasp at what you were getting at. It doesn't hit you like a train the first time, but instead hints at something more. And that something finally comes to fruition in later reads. I think that speaks to the nuances in this. Well done.

The only thing that irked me a little was I could never really get a grasp of the flow. Some of the line breaks (in the first stanza, especially) tripped me up. I personally believe that a poem should flow to a reader on the first read and this didn't do that for me.

But that's the only thing that I can I suggest as of right now. I liked this as I do most of your pieces. Thanks for checking mine out too.
here, My Dear, here it is
#3
I liked it. I would suggest different punctuation in a couple places. If "Jesus, Jesus!" is meant to be the chant that they chant, it should read like this:

"Jesus! Jesus!"
they chant and hope
for a day when the
new testament comes
bearing fruit and wrath.


(... unless it's meant to be like the Little Caesar's pizza guy: "Jesus Jesus! Jesus Jesus!" But I suspect you mean to evoke a crowd of people simply chanting the name.)

The other bit that bothered me was this:

Come with me to the rapture,
break your wings from their casings
and cast off into the sky;
together,
let us forsake the shell that
God delivered us.


The punctuation is all wrong, since this consists of three independent clauses. You have a comma splice followed by a semi-colon conjunction. The semi-colon conjunction is perfectly reasonable, in and of itself, but with that comma splice, it's not. I would suggest this:

Come with me to the rapture.
Break your wings from their casings
and cast off into the sky.
Together,
let us forsake the shell that
God delivered us.


Alternately, you could do this:

Come with me to the rapture;
break your wings from their casings
and cast off into the sky.
Together,
let us forsake the shell that
God delivered us.


Or even this, although it's weird and awkward:

Come with me to the rapture;
break your wings from their casings
and cast off into the sky;
together,
let us forsake the shell that
God delivered us.


However, I think the best of them is separating the clauses with periods. This kind of thing is one reason I object to end-of-line punctuation. "Artistic" punctuation is more often than not "confusing" punctuation. Either punctuate your poems as grammatical sentences or leave the punctuation off of the end of lines. Or so I tend to think.

peace
#6
The rhythm of this is just perfect, everything just rolled off my tongue and you really captured the tone of a mass/sermon.

This was evocative. You're beyond giving imagery here, this up to the readers interpretation. Your writing has a lot of power in this.

I like this, it's layered and it's something I'll come back to and enjoy again.