#1
c4c. ots. etc.

the love song of will navidson
i remember when
we walked full frost
through the colored parks;
each piece of playful scenery
pulled apart from the picture,
by the whites of the winter
and your center of focus.
sitting quiet and simple
on the benches and swings,
compelled to smile, not
because i asked, but
only because you could.
i found out what all the meager poets
gave their lives to spinning.
like a portrait, our cheeks sore from the grinning,
but in the possible still frames
of our every day romances,
i find so few are fit to waste
on your cameras.

this one is mine and mine alone.
#3
I always have to take the time to read your poetry slowly and pay attention to every bit... it's impressive. Everything fits.
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja

#4
<3
マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん 
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ
 さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー 
じーんせいはっわんつー!ぱんち・・・


"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching

#7
I enjoyed reading this one, thanks.
キタ━━━━(・∀・)━━━━!!
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i hope we never meet shjred honestly i love you but im scared of you
#8
'and your center of focus.'
is that the wrong form of 'you're' or is it phrased weirdly?
There's only one thing we can do to thwart the plot of these albino shape-shifting lizard BITCHES!
#9
^

... by "x" and "y."

"the whites of the winter x
and your center of focus" y
マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん 
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ
 さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー 
じーんせいはっわんつー!ぱんち・・・


"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching

#10
THERE HASN'T BEEN A CRITIQUE OVER THREE SENTENCES LONG. WTF.

am i losing my god damn mind?!

SOMETHING.NEEDS.DONE.
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#11
Something_Vague, relax. What has been posted here is a work of art. It's truly very, very good. Sometimes a piece of poetry is a catalyst. It's a kernel meant to grow into a feeling, or a reaction from others. You assume that this piece is placed here to be picked apart, and molded into others' likenesses. That it can improve.

I feel like this piece exists in its own right. I am given this elegant collection of words, and as a response, I can choose to pose suggestions for reworking, or I can simply post my reaction. I chose to communicate to the writer that it instilled a feeling of delicate beauty in me. It did what it, as a work of art, was created to do---instigate feeling. I, as a poster, have the right to communicate that, and bypass any inclination to attempt a revision of the piece.

So, in short, <3
#12
I didn't really enjoy it that much. I prefer it to the last few pieces I've read of yours because it doesn't use as many cliched images in cliched ways, but it's still not quite the refreshing thing I wish you'd write (because you certainly have the linguistic talent to write spectacularly). You always write in that strange nostalgic past tense that makes your stuff less powerful than it could be, and that bugs me because you always do it. Even if you write a piece mostly in present tense it fades backwards (why I was looking for phrasing reasons for why I felt it didn't quite all meld together) and I think you could do a whole load more if you could get past that.
There's only one thing we can do to thwart the plot of these albino shape-shifting lizard BITCHES!
#13
Quote by DigUpHerBones
I didn't really enjoy it that much. I prefer it to the last few pieces I've read of yours because it doesn't use as many cliched images in cliched ways, but it's still not quite the refreshing thing I wish you'd write (because you certainly have the linguistic talent to write spectacularly). You always write in that strange nostalgic past tense that makes your stuff less powerful than it could be, and that bugs me because you always do it. Even if you write a piece mostly in present tense it fades backwards (why I was looking for phrasing reasons for why I felt it didn't quite all meld together) and I think you could do a whole load more if you could get past that.


basically this.
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