#1
Pit, I have a serious issue.

I was just minding my own business, I was getting kind of hungry so I thought i'd make some noodles. I also thought that "Mmmm, garlic could possible fit well in my noodles!". So I grabbed the first garlic I found and as I decapitated it with my knife it squirted nasty garlic juice all over my face.

Quickest way to put an end to my misery?
...What!?