#1
As always, C4C.

Among people, self dissolves
With proximity as friction.
Individual velocities collide
And a stagnant mass of groupthink
Feels a negligible impact
As the flame of Olympus sputters and dies.
This city has changed me.
This city is changing me.
Tell the world what you have seen today
Before the world tells you what to see.
Good night, and good luck.
#2
"Tell the world what you have seen today
Before the world tells you what to see."

That alone changed the entire dynamic of this piece, for me. Well done. What specifically is this work referring to? Or is it just a general statement rather than a particular reference?
When crying don't help
You can't compose yourself
It's best to compose a poem
An honest verse of longing
Or a simple song of hope...
#3
I grew up in the suburbs of a major city, and just moved out to a really rural area for college. it's very different here, and ive realized that in both areas, there's a ton of groupthink and stupid mob mentality which works to stifle ingenuity, diversity and creativity amongst the people who live there.

thanks for the crit man. it means a lot. anything I should work on?
#4
the only thing that just i didnt really understand didnt make much sence what that u have this city has changed me then this city is changing me one after another with the has in the first one sounds wrong to me
#5
I loved the part about the flame of Olympus. Brilliant piece of work my friend. Keep it up
I'll pretend I can mod your amp but break it instead.