A little while ago I posted a new song called "The Butter Knife Massacre". It wasn't finished, but now it is. Sums it up. I'm pretty satisfied with this piece. I tried to stray away from metalcore a bit, but there are some elements here and there. A breakdown just would seem ****ing retarded in the middle of this song. So I guess its more melodeath. I don't know why I'm writing all this really. I'll C4C if you ask. Thanks.

By the way, I still suck at writing solos. Tell me if I'm getting there .
Quote by RhyseOrtiz
Banned because.. that was brilliant, champayne

Some of My Recent Songs

[thread="1403441"]Synthetic Damage WIP[/thread]

[thread="1350364"]The Nightman Awakens[/thread]

[thread="1322579"]Into the Sunset WIP[/thread]

[thread="1247340"]The Butter Knife Massacre[/thread]
[thread="1253933"]Into The Sparta Pit[/thread]

[thread="1224038"]Untitled Tech Thing[/thread]
Sounded good to me, I'd probably listen to it if it was recorded with some vocals to it
Didn't really like the harmony in the solo, I know you were going for dissonant but I didn't like it, just an opinion though, the rest of the song is pretty awesome
Critting as I listen:

Christ, the intro struck me as very Dethklok-ish Great opening to the song, and I'm glad you varied it as you went along with the gallops and fills thrown in - particularly the whole tapping part, which would be a great contrast tonally to the more jagged stacatto sound earlier on an actual recording. It's that sort of contrast that can really bring a piece to life, as well as prevent it from getting too monotonous or boring.
OMGWTFBBQ has a sort of Gothernburg-esque sound, but there's a particular band that strikes me that I can't quite put my finger on. Reagrdless, it's a great bridge between the intro and the revisited intro riff-age afterward.

The atonality (not that I dislike atonality, I'm a huge fan) of the Fun Riff sort of caught me off-guard. Maybe the first repeat could stick to the key, and the second could use that atonal component? It just seemed a bit sudden to jump into such quick modulation, but it could just be me.

Again, I like that you varied an earlier theme - something I'm really fond of doing - with the Familiarity section. Such subtle changes can have a huge impact on a song's consistency, and it's something I definitely advocate. What I might recommend is a very faint, low-in-the-mix response (in a call-and-response fashion) to the metalcore-y fills in the first repeat, during the chugs. It's just an idea in my head, and I haven't tried punching it up, but it's just a suggestion.

Shifty bastard - nice switch to the piano interlude, but I really am fond of the transition back into the heavies. While the riff isn't anything particularly notable, the transition caught me as not being as all abrupt, so great work - and as before, the transition into the following section (the melo-death tremolo) was great.

The lead afterward reminds me somewhat of Jeff Waters, for some daft reason. I'm not sure if the atonality was intentional here, but it didn't really bother me so much. It gave the piece that little bit more character. There are some note choices that really didn't seem the best to compliment what was happening beneath it - particularly in the slower sections. While the solo is well phrased for the piece, changing up some of the note choices to compliment the backing more, using different note values (where appropriate, of course) and applying dynamics can really make the solo shine.
And hey, the atonality - whether intentional or not - works fine, but I really would advise revising the piece, hearing where melodic tones really jump out and demand to be thrown in, and act on that (that is, try to hear the melody and stronger/weaker points - tension and release - and trying to write based on that). Keep in mind though, it's okay to use outside notes, but they should be used where they compliment the music - a passing tone into a leading tone can really bring a piece to life.

Again, sneaky work - very clever use of the earlier theme again. Listening to this, I'm thinking the call-and-response idea might work in that second repeat, so when it does get to this, there's that little bit less going on, and it can be more hard-hitting, which seems to have been the motive. But again, it's just a suggestion, and I really don't want to force anything onto you or the music.

The final transition/revisitation works just as well as the rest, and the closing drum fills were a great touch.
Overall, it's a solid piece of music - well composed, the transitions function well, and there's enough variation to keep the casual listener interested. I'd say just revise the main lead, and consider some of the atonal aspects that can be omitted/thrown in. You're definitely on the right path, and if you'd like any help with anything, you can feel free to Pm me or whatnot.

If you don't mind returning crit (and really, I don't expect you to write back anywhere near as much as I did, so don't worry still, a decent stab at all the important bits would be great!), the link's below. If it's not your thing, Juggling Elephants could really use a bump back to the front page! Thanks in advance, and best of wishes with your writing!


Last edited by juckfush at Dec 18, 2009,
I liked this a lot, most of the harmonies were good, I particulary like the riff at bar 49, so I'm glad you repeated that again later

My favourite part is the tapping lead section thingy at bar 83 - my only complaint is that it could maybe do with a dubbed rythmn guitar track under it, I think the sound need filling out, but that might just be me.

Liked the piano interlude, makes a nice change from the heavy. I have to agree with the guy a couple above me on the solo though, I didn't think that harmonies really worked, but it was a good solo even with that.

Overall, solid song, I liked it

C4C? Link is in my sig
a couple of the harmonies around 1:26 bug me a bit. but they're generally very good.

I like where you went with the bridge, it was a nice change in the direction of the song, yet it still tied in well.

the harmonies at 2:48 and on don't seem quite right.

the chord held from 3:17 is way long... unless you're using a sustainer, can you really hold a note that long?

the main riff is pretty solid, really something to rely on. which is very good.

C4C? it's the thread called Pride