#1
This song has a bunch of tempo changes and the singing slows down and speeds up, but I'm not gonna type them in.
C4C

Trapped in a psychological cage
of our own making
as the deadly virus spreads
a voice cries out in the mist

A world without fear
a world without darkness
keepers of light
shine through the black night

A plainative cry echoes out
through the hills and trees
all victims, survivors
of a human catastrophe
as we keep on moving forward
life slows us to a halt

The bringers of light
The keepers of balance

A world without fear
a world without darkness
keepers of light
shine through the black night

As mankind is consumed
by darkness and greed
our hearts within us
overcome without heed
keepers of light close the abyss
waiting to swallow us whole

A world without fear
a world without darkness
keepers of light
shine through the black night

The keepers of light
Bring the balance

The keepers of light
Conquer the black night
I'll pretend I can mod your amp but break it instead.
Last edited by guitarlord28 at Dec 18, 2009,
#2
Hey I thought this was pretty good. There were parts in here that really stood out and struck a chord with me. The third verse/bridge in particular had a great flow as well as the tying-in factor I felt this piece was going to miss. That part really completed everything for me. I liked the idea of "keeping balance" in here and I think that it adds another dimension to it, it goes beyond the whole "light v. darkness" conflict.

Speaking of light v. darkness, that is something I would consider tweaking a little. Anytime you use an image of light overcoming darkness, you run the risk of sounding cliche and I think you're flirting with that right here. I'm saying it's overly cliche but it is a little, in my opinion. Just a thought that you may want to take another look at your chorus.

But other than that, I thought the verses were well-written and as I said before, the idea of "balance" is really intriguing. I would explore that idea more.

Great job though.
here, My Dear, here it is
#3
Yeah, anytime some writes about light and darkness its most likely very cliche, but this wasn't bad at all. It was very nicely written, the chorus is great is just seems to flow right through and connect everything. Nice work.
You and I are mortal, but rock n roll will never die.
#4
How about if I changed darkness in the chorus to hate?

So like this:

Trapped in a psychological cage
of our own making
as the deadly virus spreads
a voice cries out in the mist

A world without fear
a world without hate
keepers of light
shine through the black night

A plainative cry echoes out
through the hills and trees
all victims, survivors
of a human catastrophe
as we keep on moving forward
life slows us to a halt

The bringers of light
The keepers of balance

A world without fear
a world without hate
keepers of light
shine through the black night

As mankind is consumed
by darkness and greed
our hearts within us
overcome without heed
keepers of light close the abyss
waiting to swallow us whole

A world without fear
a world without hate
keepers of light
shine through the black night

The keepers of light
Bring the balance

The keepers of light
Conquer the black night


Is that less cliche?
I'll pretend I can mod your amp but break it instead.
Last edited by guitarlord28 at Dec 21, 2009,