Long time lurker, first time poster. Thought I'd try and get some of my work critiqued by the good people of UG.

Anyway this was originally a song I wrote for a comedy band I was in with some friends and it contained some (what we thought were at the time) hilariously vulgar lyrics. Since maturing slightly, I've redone the song without the lyrics. For me it's good but there's something not quite 'there' about it so perhaps some constructive criticism will help me along.

Anyway I'll shut up now and hit you with the link.


Thanks in advance!

Edited to add: The drumbeat is just some crappy thing from the built-in drum machine on my 10 track. It was just there to keep time really and I'll get round to programming some decent drums later.
Last edited by IronMark666 at Dec 18, 2009,
Cant really hear the lead part, too much distortion so I cant really discern whats going on.
Good. It needs some harmonizing [a la Maiden/Thin Lizzy] and ofcourse some vocals... aaaand maybe a solo too.

In my world, the color RED doesn't exist.

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