The outline of this thread goes something like this. If I was the {Blank) of {insert preferred establishment/whatever here}; I would.....

If I was the President of the United States; I would stop taking orders from my Bilderberg puppet masters. (Yeah I'm a weirdo, wait a second; who uses the word weirdo? Anyways something like that, hopefully this idea is somewhat successful.)
If I was gay, I'd have anal sex with men.
But I'm not gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
If I were a boy even just for one day, I'd roll out of bed in the morning and throw on what I wanted and go drink beer with the guys.

Wait.. I'm a boy and my life isn't like that at all
R.I.P. Ronnie James Dio. Supplied amazing music to both me and my mother.

He will be missed.