#1
Something I wrote a while ago. I decided to revise it a bit and try to overall improve it. So now I am hoping someone can dissect it. C4C

I awaken this day,
To the sound of stillness.
The roads show no passage,
As the birds all lie dead.

A murky haze clouds my visions,
Never again can I see the future.
The moon is growing dim,
And no dawn will ever rise...
No dawn will ever rise.

The shadows are cast on a darkening land.
Dreadful hordes consume the weak and the damned.
My peace has ended, the fury set aflame.
I gather my courage for death calls my name.

With haste I depart as the sky burns with fire,
The beating of the drums bore into my thoughts.
A final ride into the battles fury,
Eye to eye, frozen in time.
Rivers of blood flow forth from thee,
Once I lie still weep not for me.

This battle has claimed my sight,
In death I blaze new light.
With every breath the winds of creation
Weather my thoughts of the devastation.

No stars will shine bright,
As sky turns to black.
A cataclysmic rupture,
Will herald the ruin.

Heed a warning.
Listen Now.
The darkness is coming, bid your farewells.
Project your light,
Guide your spirit.
Farther up,
Farther in
Don't Stop.
Last edited by Quantonyne at Dec 19, 2009,
#2
Seems very "power metal" at some points.

I really like the first stanza, it reminds of The Dead Flag Blues by GY!BE

"A murky haze clouds my visions,
Never again can I see the future."

I tripped a bit over these lines, it seems like a good premise but you should re-word it. Some of the rhymes are forced it seems.

It's too "epic" for my tastes so I might be the wrong person to review this...

Nice job anyways!