Something I wrote a while ago. I decided to revise it a bit and try to overall improve it. So now I am hoping someone can dissect it. C4C

I awaken this day,
To the sound of stillness.
The roads show no passage,
As the birds all lie dead.

A murky haze clouds my visions,
Never again can I see the future.
The moon is growing dim,
And no dawn will ever rise...
No dawn will ever rise.

The shadows are cast on a darkening land.
Dreadful hordes consume the weak and the damned.
My peace has ended, the fury set aflame.
I gather my courage for death calls my name.

With haste I depart as the sky burns with fire,
The beating of the drums bore into my thoughts.
A final ride into the battles fury,
Eye to eye, frozen in time.
Rivers of blood flow forth from thee,
Once I lie still weep not for me.

This battle has claimed my sight,
In death I blaze new light.
With every breath the winds of creation
Weather my thoughts of the devastation.

No stars will shine bright,
As sky turns to black.
A cataclysmic rupture,
Will herald the ruin.

Heed a warning.
Listen Now.
The darkness is coming, bid your farewells.
Project your light,
Guide your spirit.
Farther up,
Farther in
Don't Stop.
Last edited by Quantonyne at Dec 19, 2009,
Seems very "power metal" at some points.

I really like the first stanza, it reminds of The Dead Flag Blues by GY!BE

"A murky haze clouds my visions,
Never again can I see the future."

I tripped a bit over these lines, it seems like a good premise but you should re-word it. Some of the rhymes are forced it seems.

It's too "epic" for my tastes so I might be the wrong person to review this...

Nice job anyways!