#1
I was working on this song yesterday, trying to get capture a bleak feel without the music sounding too Dissonant.

This particular piece is fairly short and unfinished. I cut off some repetitiveness from the intro and now I'm stuck on whether I should continue. The start is influenced by Katatonia and Opeth, but I'm influenced by a few bands here.

Do you think I should continue, where should I go from here and what do you think of the song so far?

thanks, and C4C

-Kämpfer
Attachments:
Lament.gp4
Lament.mid
#2
Alright here we go.

Intro is very melodic and I love it. The bass is awesome to, different and catchy and gives the song depth. True the intro does repeat a lot but I think it's perfect right now.

Solo, well this is nice solo. It fits but could be even better with harmony! This is great nonetheless but I definitely recommend the harmony.

As for the next riff...well sorry but it doesn't belong there. Go back to the intro riff and then build up suspense. Top it off with a reverse cymbal into a heavy riff and you have yourself a GREAT song.

Hahaha the "for teh lawlz" riff actually made me laugh =]

So overall, 8/10. But since you can improve on a few things without much effort your working your way to a 9/10. But remember to follow through, no sense in having a great first minute then destroying that with a shitty second minute. Good job though!
#3
I say continue!

overall pretty good. I'd start very quiet and fade in. and get even more quiet in the breakdown (possibly only guitar).

I would use the intro as the chorus. it's kinda majestic and has that halftime feel you know? I liked the solo a lot. Are you planning on having a verse?

during the breakdown, what if you added an extra note on the top of the chord the 3rd and 4th times? just to add something more and keep it fresh. I think it'll give the bridge more emphasis as far as the change in the tone goes.
#4
By looking at it I can tell it's not finished, so I'll have to crit parts more individually instead of as a whole piece:
  • Love the intro, it's awesome
  • Love the bit after the intro, but I couldn't help but think some extra lead flourishes could of really made this section
  • You perhaps milk the intro parts too much, but I was entertained anyway
  • I wasn't sure about the breakdown, for what it is it went on far too long.
  • I have to say that after the intro the piece loses it's magic, you just seem to mixing too many different styles for what you have to be coherent, which is shame cuz the intro is awesome


I'd say ditch all of it after bar 24 and rewrite in parts that keep more to the style of the intro (without making it too similar obviously)

The intro on it's own gets 8/10 easily
The whole of it gets 5/10 because it just doesn't make sense to me
All I want is for everyone to go to hell...
...It's the last place I was seen before I lost myself



Quote by DisarmGoliath
You can be the deputy llamma of the recordings forum!
#5
Quote by ChemicalFire
By looking at it I can tell it's not finished, so I'll have to crit parts more individually instead of as a whole piece:
  • Love the intro, it's awesome
  • Love the bit after the intro, but I couldn't help but think some extra lead flourishes could of really made this section
  • You perhaps milk the intro parts too much, but I was entertained anyway
  • I wasn't sure about the breakdown, for what it is it went on far too long.
  • I have to say that after the intro the piece loses it's magic, you just seem to mixing too many different styles for what you have to be coherent, which is shame cuz the intro is awesome


I'd say ditch all of it after bar 24 and rewrite in parts that keep more to the style of the intro (without making it too similar obviously)

The intro on it's own gets 8/10 easily
The whole of it gets 5/10 because it just doesn't make sense to me


Yeah sorry, just to let you know that I cut off everything from the 'breakdown' not too long after uploading, and what I'm doing at the moment obviously isn't uploaded yet so I'll get to it some other time. Thanks for the crit.
#6
First, I loved the beginning. Hell, I loved everything. Until....

The breakdown. I dont think the breakdown was melodically/harmonically interesting enough to fit in with everything else that was going on earlier. And for the lulz section actually did illicit some lulz. It clearly doesnt fit, but Mikael would probably find a way to use it just the same, on the basis that it's 'Progressive' .

Cant be used in the final version though, clearly.
C4C? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1249020
Last edited by Burning_Angel at Dec 22, 2009,