#1
(verse 1)

im searching fiercely
for something not there
is it beneath me?
or should i not care?

my plans deceive me
no strength do they share
alone i shall be
but how will i fair?


(chorus) x2

SO MANY CHOICES!
I HEAR THESE VOICES!
THE ANSWER RINGS OUT!
COVERED BY NOISES!

(verse 2)

im left here waiting
but where does time go?
my ship is sinking
and why? i dont know

my plans deceive me
no strength do they share
alone i shall be
but how will i fair?

(chorus) x2

SO MANY CHOICES!
I HEAR THESE VOICES!
THE ANSWER RINGS OUT!
COVERED BY NOISES!

(bridge)

i dont understand
why im living now
to lend a helping hand
for a dying friend?

one day i`ll know
but that days to far
but ill wait so,
so long, SO LONG NOW!!!

(chorus) x2

SO MANY CHOICES!
I HEAR THESE VOICES!
THE ANSWER RINGS OUT!
COVERED BY NOISES!

(outro)

CHOICES! x16
There is a saying in poetry, "show me, don't tell me." here you are announcing everything, like an announcer to a sporting event. "Dave has the ball. Dave passes the ball. Dave picks his ass."

~Zanascross

XD epic win
#2
This is pretty bad man. Not to be a jerk. But the only reccomendation I could offer is to keep writing. This is riddled with half hearted emotion translated into dead horse metaphors.

Find ideas that actually mean something to you and scribble them with grace and originality.... over and over and over and over again.
#3
kooli, thanks for the input. and dont worry, your not being a jerk, your doing the right thing but criticing ans harshly as you can lol
There is a saying in poetry, "show me, don't tell me." here you are announcing everything, like an announcer to a sporting event. "Dave has the ball. Dave passes the ball. Dave picks his ass."

~Zanascross

XD epic win
#4
Quote by clichealias
This is pretty bad man. Not to be a jerk. But the only reccomendation I could offer is to keep writing. This is riddled with half hearted emotion translated into dead horse metaphors.

Find ideas that actually mean something to you and scribble them with grace and originality.... over and over and over and over again.

I'll have to agree with Clichealias. Although these lyrics would work in some screamo/-core song and sound perfectly fine their, standalone they come off as particularly cheesy. Namely the chorus, since it's in caps. Also the chorus talks about 'choices', yet this isn't mentioned in the rest of the song. Good for a first attempt I guess.
My advice? Opposed to a collection of fragmented thoughts narrated by generic metaphors and rhymes, try to give your song more emotion through more complex rhyming patterns and words, and generally try to write about one, or a collection of at least somewhat related, themes.
キタ━━━━(・∀・)━━━━!!
Quote by Ichikurosaki
shred knows more about everything than anyone i think

Quote by IchiKurosaki
i hope we never meet shjred honestly i love you but im scared of you
#5
ya, this is more of a screaming song. but i still get what you guys are saying. i will try and work on this song alittle, cuz though i like it as it is for the most part, that just me being biasied cuz its my own song XD ty both for input
There is a saying in poetry, "show me, don't tell me." here you are announcing everything, like an announcer to a sporting event. "Dave has the ball. Dave passes the ball. Dave picks his ass."

~Zanascross

XD epic win
#6
No problem, C4C
Mind telling what these lyrics were about?
キタ━━━━(・∀・)━━━━!!
Quote by Ichikurosaki
shred knows more about everything than anyone i think

Quote by IchiKurosaki
i hope we never meet shjred honestly i love you but im scared of you
#7
idk, really when i write a song i just think of something and go from there. i think i was kinda pissed about something when i wrote this and i was also inspired alittle by a song called "them's fightin' words" by the killing tree
There is a saying in poetry, "show me, don't tell me." here you are announcing everything, like an announcer to a sporting event. "Dave has the ball. Dave passes the ball. Dave picks his ass."

~Zanascross

XD epic win