#1
Here is a new power pop-ish indie rock song I am working on. Haven't finished it yet, What do you think?

The last time i saw Johnny
he was up in his room
making out with his hand
I said what is wrong with you boy
surely you have something better to do
Hhe muttered, no
I must be left alone
so I shut his door tight
and i shook my head wondering

Johnny, are you lonely?
you know if only
you know if only
you had some friends
maybe you'd only
get out for a while
but you need the fresh air
I say Johnny, are you lonely?
well I thought that you were
until I heard the music playing upstairs


*Super Synth Lead GO GO GO*
So... Jeff Lynne is still making music.. all is well.

Check out my Ebook!: Yogi Jam!
#2
I lol'd at "making out with his hand"
Good, nice, simple song anyway.
キタ━━━━(・∀・)━━━━!!
Quote by Ichikurosaki
shred knows more about everything than anyone i think

Quote by IchiKurosaki
i hope we never meet shjred honestly i love you but im scared of you
#3
Hahaha, I laughed at all of it while I was writing it. It is going to be a very funny song in the end. I have it all planned out in my head. You can go to my profile to see what type of style I play, but this one is going to be a bit different than the others. It's going to be the best yet, and the funniest. Thanks for the quick response!
So... Jeff Lynne is still making music.. all is well.

Check out my Ebook!: Yogi Jam!
#4
Quote by BlakeAlan
Hahaha, I laughed at all of it while I was writing it. It is going to be a very funny song in the end. I have it all planned out in my head. You can go to my profile to see what type of style I play, but this one is going to be a bit different than the others. It's going to be the best yet, and the funniest. Thanks for the quick response!

Yeah sounds like it
I listened to some songs on your profile, you've got a damn good tone going for you there One minor gripe with the lyrics is the line "but you need the fresh air", it feels a bit out of place, but I'm sure it'll work in the song with the music and all.
キタ━━━━(・∀・)━━━━!!
Quote by Ichikurosaki
shred knows more about everything than anyone i think

Quote by IchiKurosaki
i hope we never meet shjred honestly i love you but im scared of you
#5
Yeah, because the chorus isn't all together, it is broken up with a lot of spaces, and air kinda blends with the upstairs at which point the song completely changes and the synth is going to come in, haha
So... Jeff Lynne is still making music.. all is well.

Check out my Ebook!: Yogi Jam!
#6
I really hate to bump, and I usually don't, but I have the music for this song on my profile now, and I thought it might help with the feedback on the lyrics. Thanks in advance dudes and ladies.
So... Jeff Lynne is still making music.. all is well.

Check out my Ebook!: Yogi Jam!
#7
I listen to the music for this as well. I really like it, it unique nice and it got a laugh out of me. The lyrics are solid and seem to fit with the music very well, nice work.
You and I are mortal, but rock n roll will never die.