#1
I wrote this not to long ago. I was/still am having trouble with were im going in the future and im not doing much about it now and this song is suming up all that.

let me know any tips or tricks that could make it a little better. Im wanting some feedback!!

its called "Lost in it"


This world is extravagant,

I'm just lost in it.

So tell me if I'm relevant,

To this world and everything in it.



The sun is gone and its all still a wonder.

Of where I'm going and it makes me shudder.

This constant motion that makes me sick to my core.

I'm not sure who I am anymore.



If I had a choice i would tear this city down,

make it all fall to the ground.

So it could be just like me.

Maybe that would set me free.



This world is extravagant,

I'm just lost in it.

So tell me if I'm relevant,

To this world and everything in it.



Another in a change

A self important manic singer songwriter refrains

Another lonely few

A Messenger with a gun shot to my brain

Another till the end

A life worth living, out of the rain



Just show me what I'm working with,

I know its not much but I can deal.

Give me one more hint to all this shit,

before my head starts to split.

This feeling inside that's making me quit,

I can't control this.

This drowning feeling.

Everyone's just walks by

But, I'm still drowning

I'm the one drowning

I'm the one, drowning



This world is extravagant,

I'm just lost in it.

So tell me if I'm relevant,

To this world and everything in it.
Last edited by GoxGetterxGuy at Jul 4, 2012,
#2
I loved it!

I just think the chorus should be more powerfull, to keep up with the rest of the lyrics. Otherwise it was really great.
#4
To me I get that "Gotta make a name for my self" vibe. I really dig the Relevance part. It reminds me of the moment I just got fed up with jamming in my bedroom and decided that if I'm gonna go anywhere as a musician I got to take the initiative to make sure I'm not just another suit n' tie. Thats just what I got from the peice. 5* Bro.
Hey!Everyone!
Come and See how good I look!



You Stay Classy, Ultimate Guitar
#5
I love that first stanza, it just works so well and is fun to read for me. The rest of it is really powerful and the meaning of the lyrics start to show themselves.

The only thing that gets me, is that maybe it could be a bit longer? Seems like just as you get into it it's all over, but I suppose a lot of awesome songs are like that! xD

That and maybe a second part to the chorus, or variety to the chorus at the end of the lyrics? I'm not sure it's necessary or needed, but it could spice things up and really send the song out with a bam.

Overall really good and was enjoyable to read and easy to read, which most lyrics aren't easy reads for me! Great job!
Check out my lyrics! (C4C)

Critical Condition
Tombstone

Quote by SteveHouse
That's actually the point of this. Tell your inner editor to shut the fock up and just write.
#6
By the second line you had me hooked. This is so incredibly descriptive of me and what I've been through. It also eloquently (and powerfully) states how many of us feel as writers. Brilliance my friend.
Quote by GoxGetterxGuy

This world is extravagant,
Im just lost in it.
So tell me if im relevant,
To this world and everything in it.

The sun is gone and its all still a wonder.
Of where im going and it makes me shudder.
This constant motion that makes me sick to my core.
Im not sure who I am anymore.

If I had a choice i would tear this city down,
make it all fall to the ground.
So it could be just like me.
Maybe that would set me free.

This world is extravagant,
Im just lost in it.
So tell me if im relevant,
To this world and everything in it.


My one and only criticism is this. After above quote, the following verses totally lost me. I felt like I understood you so perfectly, and then suddenly you take off on tangents I couldn't follow.
It seems your creativity and inspiration bottomed out here.
It was going along so beautifully, but it the last two verses came out like a wild animal ripping through an intricate spider web.

Perhaps I should leave it at that.
#7
bottling your thoughts on your future is a good idea, and that is something i tried and failed at. but you have nailed the lyrics. unfortunately i dont wanna go somewhere with my guitar, its just a hobby. but yh its good
#8
That's really damn good, dude
Guitars:
-Gibson Les Paul Custom Shop Silverburst (Invader/'59)
-Ovation ApplauseAE44II Elite Black Acoustic


Amps/Cabs
-Peavey 6505+ Head
Orange PPC2x12 Cab Black
-Behringer Ultracoustic ACX450 1x8 Acoustic Combo


Wayyyyy too many effects pedals...