#1
Even the birds perched on telephone wires
turn their heads as I walk down the street.
If I jump the whole worlds
eyes float up to where I'm flying
above the clouds and
I me us we,
I don't ever listen;
I already know because I'm the only
thing to talk about and it's always
I me us we
and when you whispered in my ear that
we rise in glory as we sink in pride
I didn't hear because I was so
engrossed with the sound of my own breathing.
Today I feel electric grey
I hope tomorrow, neon black
#4
Thank you, both of you.
Today I feel electric grey
I hope tomorrow, neon black
#5
Hm. The images are very clear, the flow is a bit off though; it feels choppy. Nice start, definitely, but I think you could probably add more depth to it
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja

#6
This was nice. It isn't something I'll necessarily remember tomorrow and I don't think I got into it as much as I would've liked but, all in all, it's a nice poem. You were consistent in your images and they rang very true. However, for me personally, I didn't really find myself caring that much after I finished. I guess I was satisfied and dissatisfied at the same time. Satisfied because everything fell into place like it should but still dissatisfied because all of that everything didn't necessarily do anything for me.
here, My Dear, here it is
#7
Hahaha I thought it was quite funny. I agree that the flow was a bit off in some places, but all in all I quite enjoyed reading it.