#1
enjoyed, been a long while since i wrote something that had time put into it.

a paste stuck in my drunk thoughts;
	everything is
nostalgic  |
	   |
	   |l placed in      A
	  l|	+    silence
	a  |	t      unconscious
	   |    i	 naked
	   |    o	  -never ?mind?
	   |    n 	    -your
	   |skies--
W@$7ED and w a t e r^
	   w a t e r^ h i d in and out of shape.
	   wha<t    s h e d from her HA\
	   we sang songs from	        \NDS
	    \Charle Brown...		  
             \
              \             just wanting
	       \    bored                 to
               "\makeoutmake,       ,makeoutmake.
             .ad"\          "\kisss/"           "ba.
          .,d"    \            `"'                 "b,.
       .,ad"       \                                 "ba,.
    .,amd"  __..,,,SoTheSaltFromVSkinleftsting,,,..__  "bma,.
,am8888ca8"""""''    \         your             ``""""8ac88888ma,
"""""]8a.             \                                  .a8["""""
      "8ba.            \                             .ad8"'
        `"8bma,.        \                        .,amd88"'
            `"""88bmm==makeout===makelove==mmd88"""'
                    `"""""\""""""""""""""""'
			KISS, KISS, KISS.
			 ME,\   ME,   ME.
			    |	
			    |
			    |
neverdid.		   *|		*	*
			*   |  *     *
clearly remembering.        |      *          *
s o f a d e d o u t.        |	     *
	      o u t//	    |     8
			    |     8
       `8b       d8b       d|'   d88b8       88    ,88'    88888888888           
        "8,     ,8"8,     ,8|   d8'`88       88  ,88"      88           
         Y8     8P Y8     8P|  d8'  `8b      88,d88'       88aaaaa      
         `8b   d8' `8b   d8'| d8Yaaa888b     8888"88,      88"""""      
          `8a a8'   `8a a8' |d8"""""88"8b    88P   Y8b     88           
           `8a8'     `8a8'  |8'     88 `8b   88     "88,   88           
            `8'       `8'  d|'      88  `8b  88       Y8b  88888888888
                          88|       88  88888888ba   
                          88|       88  88      "8b  
                          88|       88  88      ,8P  
                          88|       88  88aaaaaa8P'  
                          88|       88  88""""""'    
                          88|       88  88           
                          Y8|.    .a8P  88           
                           `|Y8888Y"'   88           
                            |                         
  			    |	
			    |
			    |
		 fadingback | nothings around
	         left drunk | on her 
	               bath | room
	my only memories of | a kiss, 
                  damp from | innebraited
		      bliss | and the
	               only | thing
			    | that
			    I
                 remember was above me.
www.facebook.com/longlostcomic
#3
This is one of the things I look at and just think "damn, I wish I could do that." Still figuring all of it out, everytime I read it seems like something new pops up. At the end, are you implying that you remember everything?
Today I feel electric grey
I hope tomorrow, neon black
#4
Seriously, fuck this place. You all can have your god damn social networking community thread and enjoy being everyone's 'LOL U R FRIENDS.'

If everyone spent half the time they spend fucking around in that waste of space, doing critiques, or hey WRITING this place would be better, this place would have more of a community than it thinks it does.

It is upsetting, I used to come here for advice, a place I felt like people honestly cared about maybe helping someone with their writing. You're all more inclined to help me with MY ****ING MATH HOMEWORK, than you are with a piece of poetry. I would post maybe parts of my novel that need help, but I won't because no one would read it, or post in it.

Yet the same people who's opinion I value will tell someone "Oh man my day sucked!"

Back before that thread existed instead of acting like this forum is your own personal 'being a pussy' you would write a god damn piece about how your day sucked, people would tell you "hey this poem sucks." and you would fix it and get better.

no, you whine and complain 'OH MAN MY GF JUST DUMPED ME' and everyone comes to your aid.

STOP BEING DUMBASSES AND ****ING WRITE.
www.facebook.com/longlostcomic
#5
Well if this place really is such a moronic waste of your highly valuable time, why don't you just leave?
Today I feel electric grey
I hope tomorrow, neon black
#6
Quote by Ganoosh
Well if this place really is such a moronic waste of your highly valuable time, why don't you just leave?


Just let him be... he only comes on here to bitch, moan, piss on other people, and make himself feel like he's important.

What do you want, Matt? You went off on those of us who have come in and said, "hey, this is what I didn't like and why I didn't like it" on any of your pieces in the last year... spouting about how amazing you are and how insignificant the rest of us are. I've made attempts to be helpful before; I've tried commenting on your pieces legitimately as have a few others, and every time you go on a tirade about how little writing knowledge I have. Sure, I know less... but I can still offer an opinion from a different point of view, as can others. If you'd stop being a huge dick every time you post, people might be inclined to actually read your posts and consider them instead of ignoring you.
#7
Are you guys fucking daft? First off, Zach you're out of you're fucking mind if you believe ANY of that shit is even remotely true. I challenge you. I challenge you to find a response I made to anything you've said to any of my pieces that was insightful or helpfu and I dismissed. So don't act like you're kingof the crabs okay?

As far as me bitching and moaning, yeah I am, so the fuck what? I've been here longer than the both of you combined (sad) I deserve every right to sit ontop of my stool and cry about how much YOU have made this place suck ass, with your insistance of a 'Community' over what we had before you turds came here.

Guess what, this place had a f'n great community, without that waste of time at the top of the forum. I swear to god you remove that thread, this entire place will not only:

Socialise more over AIM & MSN
Write more often
Give better critiques
Become more of a writing community instead of just a whining community. There is a reason The Pit exists, so you can take all that silly bullshit that gets posted there and post it there.

Ganoosh, you're alright, but seriously the logic that you presented is so fucking stupid. If everyone left that didn't like something, nothing would be fixed.

Do I need to remind everyone that I created the entire system that is currently in place on the S&L contest forum, and that has been used for like three years now.

That I was one of the people that started the idea of a community thread (I think it was Corey who started the 1st one)

You assholes seem to forget, that in my free time, which comes rarely (around holidays and such) I end up investing as much time in this site as you turds invest in a community thread where you can pretend to make e-connections.

Zach, you're a tool.
www.facebook.com/longlostcomic
Last edited by Something_Vague at Dec 22, 2009,
#8
idk. i agree with matt i think, though he will probably attack me and my response for some reason or another. when i first started posting here (6 years ago now?) it seemed people were more invested in writing rather than this communal blow job contest that everyone seems to be participating in. it seems a lot of writing here is written to impress others, to satisfy your regular readers and to interact with one another. i might be way off, but idk.

it seems little progress is made by writers here anymore because there is little constructive criticism. there is a 'hey that line doesnt work' and 'there should be a comma there', but there is no real criticism on the heart of the piece. i hate to bring up the 'old' days again but the interaction between writers was always so inspiring, it was more of a creative workshop than it was a bunch of people posting whatever poetry and having people tell them how good it is because they're e-friends. don't get me wrong, people interacted but it was always via aim or msn, when it came to the forum it was always about writing and the forum itself.

maybe idk what im saying and idk the exact reason matt posted the response he did but im sort of glad he did i guess.

this doesn't apply to everyone, but definitely the majority.
Last edited by rushmore at Dec 23, 2009,
#10
To me it reads like a fairly accurate description of being absolutely wasted, which is all well and good, but outside of the visual display (which is hella badass, i must admit) I really don't get the feel of a unique angle on it. it really just seems like a lot of arbitrarily chosen words and phrases. I'm trying to piece together a meaning for it, but if it takes me this long to get that meaning (i've read over it several times), than it's not really connecting too well with an audience.
#11
this is far too wrapped up in it's own pretentiousness to critique. you may be right about a friendlier, less-pointed comment tendency and a fear of attacking content rather than simple grammatical errors, but you're only perpetuating it by writing shit that's so smug with its own style that many readers aren't gonna even grasp it enough to realize that the core of the material isn't all that spectacular. no one cares how much you put into building this forum, steve did more for this place than anyone i ever saw and he never thought it gave him the right to throw a bitchfit about what he didn't like, he just critiqued as he wished to be critiqued, which i rarely see you do. shame that all your talent goes towards writing premenstrual rants now, i actually used to really enjoy your poetry.
#12
The piece was interesting. Had a House of Leaves sort of visual effect. The actual content, maybe a touch of French Symbolist influence? I felt like the most interesting aspect was the visual. A clever ASCII art thing, but I did feel like it came off as a little smug. I personally didn't like the title at all. There's a difference between painting a verbal landscape and being desperate, and I feel like it was bordering on the latter.

I feel like for any piece with a "trick," so to speak, in this case, the visual accompaniment, the content within must be able to stand on its own, or you risk coming off as gimmicky. I feel like the content was good, but it was toeing the line a little. It's very corporeal. Not necessarily in a bad way, but it's a little limited in its profundity. It's got a sense of grasping desire for something, but it just left me there. I felt a little like I was on a one way trip, with no detours. A nice ride, but a set course. I feel like this piece could do to take some detours, or rather, give the reader's mind the opportunity to explore the setting you've created a little.

As for the little outburst? Cute.
#13
Now, I'm only a kid with very limited knowledge on writing and my skills are limited as well but hey, here's what I think.

Your title did catch my attention but I dislike it. My ego/pretentious side liked it, if that makes any sense. I, however, did not. As far as the writing goes, it's great but to me, it just looks like you spent far more time working on your actual presentation than on the content and that this piece of work was intended as more of a provocation of sorts than the expression of your thoughts or feelings.

On another note: I had some stuff I wrote a few months ago that I am willing to post when I get back home next year but as of now, I don't feel like I can write anything. I am (EDIT: have become) so apathetic, I find it "pathetic" to try and write something about my apathy. :S
#14
With Matt as well. What the **** happened to this place? Writing used to mean something here. Did all the good writers up and leave? And if so, why? What's made this place such a shit pit?
#15
All the material i've uploaded i've done to see what people think and find out where i can improve it. Only one or two people have given that sort of criticism. It's nice to hear "Well written piece, I like it" but why do you like it? What part do you like most? Where should i change things? It's pretty damned useless to know that someone just likes my piece.
Blinded by the exertions of man
I stumble through the haze of modern malfunctions


Dropping myself into darkness