#1
Not really sure what to call this one. Post Black Metal maybe? It is quite clearly the product of my listening to loads of Lantlos, Liam, God is an Astronaut, and even Cormorant in one section.

Regardless, I dont know what to call it genre wise. It has a few black metal bits, but otherwise, I dont really know. But I really like this one. So.

Crit, comment, what have you. Enjoy! And C4C, as usual. Of course, the more you write, the more I write in return.
Attachments:
Carried by the Wind.zip
Last edited by Burning_Angel at Mar 3, 2010,
#2
Crit as I listen:

The intro harmonics were a great idea. It sets a very peaceful mood and the strings complement it very well. It already helps the song live up to its title with a very ethereal feel to it. The transition into the triplets was great too. It didn't lose flow at all and sounded very nice.

A-1 is great. It has a nice groove to it and keeps the flow going. I wouldn't change a thing here.

B is where it starts to lose flow. I don't really like the change in tempo. I think this could be used in another part of the song because it does sound pretty good. It just interrupts the good groove you had going in A-1.

I actually think C should go in the place of B. It flows better, but I'm not sure about the tempo changes. D also interrupts the flow. Maybe you should keep the chord strumming going or at least switch the lead guitar part that you have at the end with what you have in the beginning. The return to part B is the best place for it as I see it. The flow is just better when you have it there.

E was a great idea. It's really relaxing. I liked the subtle snare rolls you had in the drum parts. I also liked how you slowly raised the volume of the distorted part, but just enough to keep it underneath the acoustic part as support, rather than lead.

F-1 was great too. The blastbeats may be a little much, but I did get used to them when they came all the way in. The flow back into A was flawless. Nice job of bringing back those harmonics too. They were a great way to lead into the outro.

Very nice work. The only things to really worry about are those tempo changes and flow issues. Otherwise, you've got a really solid song. 8/10
C4C? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=22675913#post22675913
#3
Thanks for the crit!

You're right on on all of those points. So, I took out the first time B comes in. And I removed the tempo change for C [now B, incidentally...], which seems to work better. I think it's definitely better now.
#4
Hey champ, thanks for the crit.

As Progbass said, the harmonics in the intro are a great way to begin the piece; very simple, atmospheric, and gives an indication of where the piece is heading.

I love the triplet feel in this next section; at first, it struck me as a subtle tempo change, but what you really did was far more effective. There's an entirely new feel, and the drumming compliments everything brilliantly, particularly with the lower volume rolls on the snare contrasting to the already interesting rhythm. As of yet, everything's building up smoothly and gradually, which is great!

Yay, tempo change! The transition to this is a little abrupt, and I can't help but think maybe a 5/4 or 6/4 bar (maybe even just a roll in tempo) before it could allow it to transition more effectively. I'm a huge fan of these abrupt changes, but listening back, I couldn't help but feel maybe it did come on a little too fast.
But onto the section itself! There's a tight and definitive rhythm section dictated between the bass and drums, and the overlying 7th chords present a great new sonic texture. I really like how every instrument is unified, and all compliment one another melodically, and the subtle variation with the left hand mutes are brilliant too. My only suggestion would be the maybe use a hi-hat during those left hand mutes to support them more - similar to how hi-hats are used in acoustic settings.

The transition to the 3/4 section works, but felt a little abrupt to me. Maybe a triplet roll in the bar before it could smooth things out, because the feels are similar. Just a suggestion though! And while I'm usually not a fan of having a low droning note amongst chords, I really do like the droning D in this part - it keeps things sounding somewhat static, even though there are melodic changes happening on top.

The transition back into 4/4 is well executed, and it's a nice rehash of the previous A theme. Well done!

D on its own has potential for being a great lead up to a climax, but its placement came off as a bit bizarre - at first in a good way. But once the tremolo picking came in, I felt as if things were moving far too quickly - and not just in the sense of note speed! The initial theme in D really is well done, and I really could like to see it develop further harmonically and melodically rather than jumping right into the tremolo-blitz - maybe including some arpeggios leading into those notes, passing tones, and gradually elaborating the melody could work well. The drums too even - and I may just be going overboard here - could develop into a melodic roll-motif on the toms, then transitioning into the epic blasts. I have a piece that using a similar principle (par the blasts), and if you like I could upload the segment here so you can get an idea.
With that aside, I really do like the atmosphere of D, but to me personally, it really sounds like the sort of motif that can be developed melodically and grow in intensity - as it did with the blast beats.

Back to B! To make things flow smoother, I'd recommend changing bar 109 slightly - instead of playing that D note on the 9th fret, and then sliding to the 12th, I'd say opt for going straight from the 10th fret A# note to that 12th fret F (still for the crotchet length), which would leave an eighth note of space. Then, put in that first note from bar 110, and tie it into the first eighth note value of bar 110, and continue as normal. (Christ, that probably made little to no sense! Diagram time!)


  E   E   E   E   E     E    E  E     E  E  E  E   E  E   E  E   
------------------------------------|----------------------------|
------------------------------------|----------------------------|
----------11----------9g12~---L-----|-----7-------------------9--|
------12----------10----------------|----------------------------|
--14----------12-----------------7--|--L-----7--7--10--9--10-----|
------------------------------------|----------------------------|

I tried it out myself, and if you tamper with the drum fill and other instruments to suit that change, the tempo change isn't even noticeable!

The transition into A-3 is a little rough, but in itself, the low-in-the-mix jazz guitar serves as a great variation - maybe a rhodes piano would do well, too?

Nice cross-fade into the next section, and the tempo and meter changes flowed great as well - nice work! The mood and atmosphere is a brilliant transition from the chaotic sounds beforehand, and the second half featuring the harmony-friendly 4/4 melodies is well done too; I'd only advise changing the dynamics of the snare in the blast section by a value or two, for a slightly fainted, but equally as punchy sound. They fit really well, and are very post-rocky, but just comes off as a little overpowering in the dynamics department!

The final section is great - I really love that you brought back the intro harmonics to conclude everything (it took me a little while to pick up on it, but once I realized it was thrown into the mix, I loved the section just that much more!)

Overall, you have a solid piece of music - just smooth out those transitions and have a tamper with a couple sections, and you'll have an amazing piece of music. Kudos, and best of wishes with the writing. If you'd like me to go into more detail with anything, or if you'd like some help, please just let me know.



Alex

EDIT: If you wouldn't mind, could you bump Juggling Elephants for me?
Last edited by juckfush at Dec 22, 2009,
#5
How could I want you to go more in depth on anything? You pretty much went all out. Thanks man!

I took your advice, made the bar before A-1 5/4, and I think the transition is more effective that way, not as sudden. I also threw a few arpeggios into the melody of C, before the main trem-picking version of it, and I think it also works better. And I took your advice on the transition to the riff at D. It works very nicely.

Only thing I have to add, is, I'd definitely like to see what you're talking about on the melodic tom-roll build to a blast type thing. The sounds like something I could put to good use.
#6
Quote by Burning_Angel
How could I want you to go more in depth on anything? You pretty much went all out. Thanks man!

I took your advice, made the bar before A-1 5/4, and I think the transition is more effective that way, not as sudden. I also threw a few arpeggios into the melody of C, before the main trem-picking version of it, and I think it also works better. And I took your advice on the transition to the riff at D. It works very nicely.

Only thing I have to add, is, I'd definitely like to see what you're talking about on the melodic tom-roll build to a blast type thing. The sounds like something I could put to good use.

Ah, good-o then! I'm glad I could help out, I just worry sometimes that I rabble on a bit much without directly commenting on something, but rather just saying what's happening, if you get what I mean. But regardless, if there's anything you're not sure about, feel free to ask, and I'll definitely be looking forward to checking out your pieces in the future

Here's the piece with the tom rolls in it! It's a bit monotonous, but hopefully it'll give you an idea of how these sorts of fills and rhythmic ideas can create tension in your music. The whole build up takes place between bars 5 - 16, with little variations all the way, and the drum rolls are from bars 13 - 16. Hopefully I'll be uploading a full version in the future!

Remember, if there's anything I can do to help out, let me know, and I'll see what I can do. =]



EDIT: And and and! Thanks for bumping Juggling Elephants! It wasn't getting much love, and you put it forward, so thanks.

FinalEDIT: I just finished listening to the updated version, and I have to say - well done! everything's flowing brilliantly, and the additional touches are great. There are things I'm noticing now - bass fills, additional harmonies and the like - that I didn't pick up on before; it just all comes together so brilliantly. The only thing that's bugging me is some of the dissonance during the dark section, with the semitone clashes (particularly at bar 163 - that one chord!). Apart from that, you've got a brilliantly composed piece of music here, so again, well done, and great work!
Attachments:
8. Atmospheric Buildgp4.gp4
Last edited by juckfush at Dec 22, 2009,
#7
A is cool, i like the "chill" vibe it gives off and the 2 parts go together well.
A1 is a step towards the progressive side, if i were picky i would say it should stay with the chill feeling for a little longer, but i honestly like it the way it is.
B is kinda boring coming from A1 but it leads into A2 well
A2 builds the song up a little which is good
D seems out of place to me

good song, 8.5-9 out of 10 from me. liked it a lot

C4C?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1249065
#8
Quote by juckfush
Ah, good-o then! I'm glad I could help out, I just worry sometimes that I rabble on a bit much without directly commenting on something, but rather just saying what's happening, if you get what I mean. But regardless, if there's anything you're not sure about, feel free to ask, and I'll definitely be looking forward to checking out your pieces in the future

Here's the piece with the tom rolls in it! It's a bit monotonous, but hopefully it'll give you an idea of how these sorts of fills and rhythmic ideas can create tension in your music. The whole build up takes place between bars 5 - 16, with little variations all the way, and the drum rolls are from bars 13 - 16. Hopefully I'll be uploading a full version in the future!

Remember, if there's anything I can do to help out, let me know, and I'll see what I can do. =]



EDIT: And and and! Thanks for bumping Juggling Elephants! It wasn't getting much love, and you put it forward, so thanks.

FinalEDIT: I just finished listening to the updated version, and I have to say - well done! everything's flowing brilliantly, and the additional touches are great. There are things I'm noticing now - bass fills, additional harmonies and the like - that I didn't pick up on before; it just all comes together so brilliantly. The only thing that's bugging me is some of the dissonance during the dark section, with the semitone clashes (particularly at bar 163 - that one chord!). Apart from that, you've got a brilliantly composed piece of music here, so again, well done, and great work!

Wow, how did I not catch that? I had the little lead playing a B and and all the chords have a C in there. D'oh! Fix'd. Thanks for pointing that out, I may not have even noticed otherwise...

Thanks for the crits, everyone.

Edit: Ah, I see what you mean now by the drum rolls and such. And holy shit, the end of that one is like... Guthrie Govan intense tapping... Like, as complicated/intimidating as Sevens...
Last edited by Burning_Angel at Dec 22, 2009,
#9
Haha, well at least it can be addressed now!
I'm glad the sample could help out, and if you'd like any assistance with it, I'll try to make some time to help out And thanks for the compliment - I'm a huge Guthrie fan! But Sevens dominates this, regardless. That stuff's crazy!

EDIT: To prevent thread traffic and unnecessary bumpage, I thought I'd reply to your last post here
Guthrie's certainly held in high regards to me, too. He's specialized in so many genres, has such great command of his instrument, is knowledgeable in so many fields of musical theory, and in my opinion, just genuinely creative and innovative (if you get a chance, try to find a copy - even online - of his Creative Guitar Books; he covers emulating a koto, organ, vocals, slide guitar with a tremolo bar, saxophone, and so many others. Clever guy!)
Overall, he's a brilliant writer and a genuine musician and person, and certainly a guy to admire and aspire to be like.

ExtraEDIT: As a side note, if you're into fusion players, I'd recommend checking out Greg Howe and Alex Hutchings - very similar to Guthrie in terms of tone, phrasing and songwriting, but with their own little tweaks and characters. Well worth checking out.
Last edited by juckfush at Dec 22, 2009,
#10
Yeah, I fixed it. Updated the attachment as well.

And very true. I'm not sure any guitarist can touch Guthrie. Love him. And as good as I think Jason Becker was, I like Govan more. Guthrie is really the only 'shred' I enjoy [cause he's so tasteful, and original.... never really heard any guitarist like him].
Last edited by Burning_Angel at Dec 22, 2009,
#11
what is there for me to crit haha? juckfush pretty much fully analyzed your piece but I'll put in my 2 cents

alright so at first when I read "black metal" I expected a bunch of tremolo picked Power chords and blast beats; what I encountered was something much more.

I loved the intro. like some others suggested; it had a very ethereal feel to it. One might even say it felt like being Carried by the Wind .

I was very happy with the fact that you used actual Chords, and you were very creative with the harmonics etc.

A-1 has a very nice beat, a very cool section. I loved the individual Bass lines, definitely adds character.

B...wow, this is awesome. I love the very sad feel to it, again, the drums are holding a sick beat.

Leading back into A-2 I think it's a good transition. The strings are nice, don't know what to say about them, they are just nice...they suit the song. nice strings .

C. I like the Tremolo picking etc. When the blast beat kicks in I think it sounds great, I think the strings make these section up a lot. The tempo change at the end of this section is definitely my favorite part so far, Great work.

D starts off with a very nice feel to it, I was definitely expecting something epic and...

A3. here we go again hey? very good idea to lead it back here.

now, E. Very nice part here. I think it brings back that 'ethereal' feel of the intro.

F is pretty much the same thing, I think it sounds like it's coming to something epic, and it's a very melodic section.

F1 is the same thing, Great beat and tremolo picking. I love the random blast beats, is great.

A4. You really like this riff don't you? I like it too .

The outro is nice, I like the sudden end too. What a great way to finish the song, Wind effects.

****ing great work my friend. 9/10.

and thanks for the crit .
Last edited by Kämpfer at Dec 22, 2009,
#13
@ Kämpfer - Yeah, I pretty much found as much variations of A as I could. And then used them all. I kinda like it though, because it's like, the one unifying thing in the song.

@ Roscio - That's interesting. I take it as a compliment, because I do enjoy Classica and Novembrine Waltz a fair bit.
#14
Quote by Burning_Angel

@ Roscio - That's interesting. I take it as a compliment, because I do enjoy Classica and Novembrine Waltz a fair bit.


Yes =]

Classica and Novembrine, well, in sincerity it reminded me to Arte Novecento... eheheh
#15
whoah, you were right man, this one is now my favorite from you haha. Really diggin the harmonics in the intro. The distortion comes in perfectly, and sets a nice atmosphere. Transfer to A-1 was basically flawless. The riff was good, and I loved those 7th chords you used, they really add texture to the riff as well as the strings behind them. Good use of dead notes at measure 34 for that sexy rhythm. Transfer to 3/4 was good. B is a nice contrast to the more upbeat parts. A-2 is basically pure awesomeness expecially with your variation on the rhythms of the chord strumming.

C was also a nice melancholic contrast, although the phrasing was a little odd I thought, mainly because of that 32nd note you used. I feel like there should be a dotted 8th notes instead. But whenthe tremolo picking comes in it sounds fine with the notes as a group of 7 instead of 6 32nd's so it's fine I guess.

Tempo change was great. Riff D was a nice change of pace, and then I loved the switch back into A-3.

E was so soothing, I could just picture a myself walking through a serene forest environment surrounded by a mysterious layer of fog and mist. Wonderful stuff. F and F-1 were a nice change to liven the song up some more and transferred back into A-4 nicely. I lovedhow you brought back the harmonics from the intro over the riff. I'm not so sure about that transfer back into A though. Maybe try doing something with the drums to help smooth it out. Great way to end the song too. The wind effects would fit perfectly on a real recording.

Overall, you've go an awesome piece here man,there's really not much that you need to improve on. Keep writing stuff like this! Oh and if you want, you could check out my newest one (link's in bottom of teh sig)

EDIT: nevermind, I just saw that you had already posted in there
Last edited by zakatak9389 at Dec 31, 2009,
#16
I thought C would be a dotted 8th too, but somehow, the way I've been playing it, that's how it came out.

Thanks for the crit man! Glad you enjoyed it.
Quote by MoogleRancha
It's like Fenriz and J. Read

"I'm so happy to love metal and stuff"

"I AM metal"
#17
Critting as I listen:

A - Very nice and calming. It reminds me of some easy listening stuff. I was expecting "softer" drums to come in at 9 xD But I like what you did with the distortion and stuff. It, amazingly, is still very calming.

A-1 - I REALLY liked that transition... dunno why. It's in your face, but it works. And the section is amazing. What kind of vocals are you looking for over it? If any at all. I think it works amazingly well by itself.

B - This seems out of place to me... it feels like it was too fast a "change" in mood. But this also isn't my type of music, so I guess it'll work xD It'll probably grow on me.

A-2 - Again, great. I really like the chords.

C - the melody is good. The rhythms are interesting... they feel like they want to do different things than what they are. the tremolo picking was alright... I'm not a huge fan of it in stuff like this, but hey... not my genre xD The blastbeat kinda came outta nowhere too. I'm not too fond of held blastbeats, so that's not for me.

D - I like the tempo change, it was smooth, but still in your face. This riff is a good transition. It works, but aside from that, it's alright... It doesn't seem to fit to me :/

E - i really like the drums. This is what I imagined in the beginning. The acoustic guitar, I feel, should be just a little louder, while keeping the others as they are.

F and F-1 - both good... but again, I don't particularly like the blast beats. Too much for me xD The riff itself was good though.

Overall, it was pretty good. Not really my style of music. It seemed a bit repetitive, though... These are just personal qualms, however.

I don't feel good rating it, cause it's not my genre and I have no basis so I'll leave at this: twas good.
#18
Hey, that's cool man. This type of stuff isn't for everyone. As far as vocals, I think if anything the harsh would be kinda sparse, Drudkh esque, and the cleans would be something like The Fall of Every Season/Cormorant. Not really sure yet though, I still need to write lyrics and then I'll figure all that out.
Quote by MoogleRancha
It's like Fenriz and J. Read

"I'm so happy to love metal and stuff"

"I AM metal"