Hi everyone, this is a song in progress. let me know if i got the right start

Your soft cherry lips.
pulling me away from reality.
My secret heartbeat
Is faster than it use to be

The deep brown eyes
Looking at everybody but me.
Terring me up inside
Only with your eyes i can see

And when the rain again turns to snow
Just to remind me of everything i know
How heavy a heart can feel
A book of things to tell
I can be hard to do
When i cant talk to you
its not because of the changes
but i can't talk to angels
I would definately say that you do. I like it and look forward to seeing th rest
Blinded by the exertions of man
I stumble through the haze of modern malfunctions

Dropping myself into darkness
The idea was pretty cool. "terring" should be "tearing." The rhyming in the last stanza was really forced and I didn't really like it, but the first two were okay
it's okay, but the last stanza was really wierd :S

also, you shouldn't bump your threads
Thats pretty good so far, can't wait to see the rest. I really like references to angels and stuff like that for some reason.
In diesem Herz hab ich die Macht.

Fender MIM HSS Strat (Wine Red)
VOX Valvetronix VT20+
Kay K390 Acoustic