#1
This just came into my head

Things are getting strange inside my head
A space thats lost
A hole growing bigger,deeper,darker
Feelings almost dead
Walking in space and drifting in time
minutes that are lost
Echo's getting slower,darker,softer
Swallowed in my mind

My drives run down
Paintwork fading fast
The junk on the floor
The unlockable door
Ghosts that remind
Of time now gone by
The pennies and change
Amongst rancid sweets I find

Things have gotten strange inside my head
A space thats lost
A darkness growing bigger,deeper,darker
Feelings just like lead
Drifting in space and walking in time
Years that are lost
Echo's gotten softer,darker,slower
Lustre left behind

My life has gone by
Paintwork fading fast
The junk at the door
Fool on the floor
Pictures that remind
Of the time gone by
Pennies and the change
Amongst the rancid sweets I find...

Sorry for any mistakes.
#2
It's very chaotic, but in a good way, it makes me feel like everything has to be sorted out now. If thats OTS then very well done to you
Blinded by the exertions of man
I stumble through the haze of modern malfunctions


Dropping myself into darkness
#4
Great comments but no its not about heroin and to me it's not chaotic it's boringly simple its as I have got older with four children one of which is mine and three step,as they have gotten older (youngest now 15)I thought things would be easier but know I have got more cars to look after,more houses to decorate boyfriends,girlfriends to talk to and the only place I have to myself is my old banger of a car that I keep meaning to replace but it keeps working so why.
Sweets under the seats amongst the loose change and paintwork like my face when I look in the mirror.
But really nice assumptions and sorry if I have spoiled the picture.
More like early onset altzeimers (excuse the spelling)than drugs but maybe they are the same.
Merry Christmas
#5
sweet!!
Sorry if Ive offended some kind of Punk God I should brush up on my Commandments of Punk maybe copy down the Punk Bible a few thousand times so I don't forget again sorry for my error O Punk Master Of All Things That Are Punk .
#6
For an OTS, I liked this.
It didn't particularly wow me, but there are some little gems within it that I enjoyed,
for example:
The junk on the floor
The unlockable door
Ghosts that remind
Of time now gone by
The pennies and change
Amongst rancid sweets I find


I really liked this little section, but the rest of the piece just doesn't seem to flow particularly as well as this did.

I also liked the "slower,darker,softer" line.

Overall, I liked this piece - there's some nice rhyming in there and some bits I think really work. But I still think it could be worked on a little.

Crit "Inheritance" in my sig?