#1
this time we were all at some restaurant where the
wings were good and football games on the televisions punctuated
every conversation, and when the waitress came up and took our orders
you said "I don't want anything, it will make me fatter" for the seven-billion-nine-hundred-
and-sixty-millionth time. I didn't feel like telling
you again that skipping a meal would fuck with your metabolism and just make you
fat after all but I said it anyway because I love(d) you, and when you said
"yeah, but it will still make me fat" some sort of valve busted
somewhere in my head and I stood up and said quite calmly

fuck you,
fuck this place
fuck me and
fuck everyone at this table,
fuck the police and
fuck NWA,
fuck cats and fuck
the Qu'ran and Muhummad but
not Islam,
fuck the other two
Abrahamic faiths and
fuck donuts and the news
fuck vegetarians
fuck the Mongols but not their empire
fuck pornography
fuck this country
fuck Hindus
fuck the president
fuck my 4th grade teacher
fuck Jordinians and Nigerians and Belgians
fuck The Beatles
fuck bikers fuck skinheads
fuck dasher
fuck dancer
fuck prancer
fuck vixen
fuck comet
fuck cupid
fuck donner
fuck blitzen
most of all, fuck rudolph
fuck the media,
fuck punk bands
and fuck hardcore bands even more
fuck sex
fuck drugs
and fuck rock 'n roll
fuck the Maori
fuck Jared Diamond
fuck Sophocles
fuck social networking
fuck cell phones
fuck computers and
the internet and
fuck the English and Spanish and French and Dutch and
fuck the slave trade,
fuck love and fuck hate
fuck war and anti-war,
fuck the rich
fuck the poor
fuck Sarah Palin and
fuck her dumbass book
fuck white people,
fuck homeless people
fuck all seven bazillion popes (except Peter)
fuck driving,
fuck fire
fuck skyscrapers
fuck helicopters
fuck Vasco de Gama
fuck vikings

and if you think you shouldn't be fucked, fuck you twice because
every __________ (civil rights leader)(missionary)(homeless shelter volunteer)
(revolutionary)(friend)(member of PETA)
(holy man)(god)(counselor)(avid supporter of a charity)(judge)
is at one point in their lives a ___________
(bigot)(criminal)(asshole)(Nazi)(rapist)(member of PETA)
(pretentious dickface)(murderer)(ignoramus)(and such and such and such and such)


and fuck it, I'm going to
shave my head and go to Tibet to be a Buddhist monk,
and I'll just let myself melt into the
Brahma and forget about all this bullshit.
Today I feel electric grey
I hope tomorrow, neon black
Last edited by Ganoosh at Dec 23, 2009,
#2
well, uhhmm,. O_O wanna expalin what the idea behind it was/??
Sorry if Ive offended some kind of Punk God I should brush up on my Commandments of Punk maybe copy down the Punk Bible a few thousand times so I don't forget again sorry for my error O Punk Master Of All Things That Are Punk .
#3
this time we were all at some restaurant where the
wings were good and football games on the televisions punctuated
every conversation, and when the waitress came up and took our orders
you said "I don't want anything, it will make me fatter" for the 13982764553
3992877834662676789400500597636725356747th time. I didn't feel like telling
you again that skipping a meal would fuck with your metabolism and just make you
fat after all but I said it anyway because I love(d) you, and when you said
"yeah, but it will still make me fat" some sort of valve busted
somewhere in my head and I stood up and said quite calmly

fuck you,
fuck this place
fuck me and
fuck everyone at this table,
fuck the police and
fuck NWA,
fuck cats and fuck
the Qu'ran and Muhummad but
not Islam,
fuck the other two
Abrahamic faiths and
fuck donuts and the news
fuck vegetarians
fuck the Mongols but not their empire
fuck pornography
fuck this country
fuck Hindus
fuck the president
fuck my 4th grade teacher
fuck Jordinians and Nigerians and Belgians
fuck The Beatles
fuck bikers fuck skinheads
fuck dasher
fuck dancer
fuck prancer
fuck vixen
fuck comet
fuck cupid
fuck donner
fuck blitzen
most of all, fuck rudolph
fuck the media,
fuck punk bands
and fuck hardcore bands even more
fuck sex
fuck drugs
and fuck rock 'n roll
fuck the Maori
fuck Jared Diamond
fuck Sophocles
fuck social networking
fuck cell phones
fuck computers and
the internet and
fuck the English and Spanish and French and Dutch and
fuck the slave trade,
fuck love and fuck hate
fuck war and anti-war,
fuck the rich
fuck the poor
fuck Sarah Palin and
fuck her dumbass book
fuck white people,
fuck homeless people
fuck all seven bazillion popes (except Peter)
fuck driving,
fuck fire
fuck skyscrapers
fuck helicopters
fuck Vasco de Gama
fuck vikings

and if you think you shouldn't be fucked, fuck you twice because
every __________ (civil rights leader)(missionary)(homeless shelter volunteer)
(revolutionary)(friend)(member of PETA)
(holy man)(god)(counselor)(avid supporter of a charity)(judge)
is at one point in their lives a ___________
(bigot)(criminal)(asshole)(Nazi)(rapist)(member of PETA)
(pretentious dickface)(murderer)(ignoramus)(and such and such and such and such)


and fuck it, I'm going to
shave my head and go to Tibet to be a Buddhist monk,
and I'll just let myself melt into the
Brahma and forget about all this bullshit.

Wow This was pure comedic genius. I have had this much fun reading a poem in a very long time. The only thing I didn't like was the huge number in the first stanza, you could just say a comedically large number instead of typing it out, because it just looks like you slammed your hand on the keyboard.

I personally have no qualms with this though, it's poignant and hilarious and really tells of how one feels after a relationship reaches the breaking point.
www.facebook.com/longlostcomic
#4
I'm with Matt on this. I really enjoyed it. I think perhaps you should reword a few things in the first stanza, just for flow and coherence, but it was good.
#6
easily the greatest thing i've read from you. when i first opened this thread and saw the copious amount of "****s", i'll admit i didn't know what to expect. but everything worked, it made me laugh and it kinda touched on that feeling where you're so pissed off that it is comical. Like you've gone past being irate that you can't help but laugh at everything. That's what this piece made me feel like.

Great job man.
here, My Dear, here it is
#8
This is genius. I think I did something like this in my head last week. I knew you had it in you, 'Nooshy.
#9
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja

#10
haha, yes. i've never seen you explore these areas before. it made me smile. i really didn't think of it as "epic" piece of poetry or comical masterpiece, but it did its job of amusing the audience and expressing something. maybe it was a bit too explicit under my eyes, but i wasn't offended in any way. as far as originality, the whole flipping out and shouting curses isn't really a fresh scene. it also seems to lack depth, just putting everything on the table, not giving the audience something to chew on or try to piece together. still, decent- not really my style, but still somewhat fun.
#11
Agreed with above posts, this was hilarious. Not because you used the word "****" a whole bunch of times, but because of the futility and irony of the situation. The vow to ignore the hardships/annoyances of the world by retreating into a philosophy of awareness/acceptance. It's a tumultuous little moment in time, where it's more fun to ponder what happens immediately afterward, rather than the moment itself. Wonderful.
#14
Quote by ninja monkey
I hated this on so many levels.


Y'know, for some reason I had a feeling you would hate this. Please explain?

Quote by Something_Vague
it just looks like you slammed your hand on the keyboard.



Actually, I kinda did just slam my hand on the keyboard.


Quote by BrandyCross
well, uhhmm,. O_O wanna expalin what the idea behind it was/??


Take a wild guess. I though it was obvious.


Guys, this isn't that great. If this is truely the greatest piece of poetry I've written, then I'm the epitome of a bad writer fo sho'. It was more of a rant than anything that I just decided to post and see what you guys would make of it. Granted, writing a piece with 64 iterations of the word **** that expressed everything I hate as well as a few random things put me in a really good mood all day; I highly recommend it. Thanks for all your kind words.
Today I feel electric grey
I hope tomorrow, neon black
#16
I fail to find this as a stroke of genius.
I think of it to be quite... not childish... but more like a spoiled brat would say this when they can't have what they want. You're demanding a person to see things your way, and obviously that can't always happen. It's foolish to think otherwise.
In my honest opinion, if someone were to react like that because of what they believe to be someone else's ignorance/stupidity it really makes them no better. THUS, their whole "**** everything" speech isn't justified. It has little-to-no effect because they're no better and no more important than a pile of shit.
The parentheses bugged the hell out of me.
/enough reason

Damn, at least you realize this isn't your best piece. Not by far.

I read this when it was first posted and thought that S&L would love this. It's typical of S&L to praise a piece that overuses the f-bomb in a pointless rant.
Promises meant a lot back then.
#17
Quote by ninja monkey
I fail to find this as a stroke of genius.
I think of it to be quite... not childish... but more like a spoiled brat would say this when they can't have what they want. You're demanding a person to see things your way, and obviously that can't always happen. It's foolish to think otherwise.
In my honest opinion, if someone were to react like that because of what they believe to be someone else's ignorance/stupidity it really makes them no better. THUS, their whole "**** everything" speech isn't justified. It has little-to-no effect because they're no better and no more important than a pile of shit.
The parentheses bugged the hell out of me.
/enough reason

Damn, at least you realize this isn't your best piece. Not by far.

I read this when it was first posted and thought that S&L would love this. It's typical of S&L to praise a piece that overuses the f-bomb in a pointless rant.
Personally, I don't like it because it swears, I just kind of like that is shows just a small thing being what pushes someone over the edge; an arguement that, while irritating (very much so, I've had that arguement a lot), isn't an astronomical deal, just kind of breaks the dams, and lets the flood out. That's how I see it, anyways.
#18
Nah, I really don't think this is amazing or genius or even very creative as a piece but it's just nice to see such a huge emotional release coming from someone, as a personal note rather than an objective one. It's not meant to be critiqued, at least it didn't seem like he posted it for that reason anyway, and for sharing the simple dive into wreckless irritation I applaud him. That's all.
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja

#19
f.uck this thread
f.uck this writing

I definately understand how you felt when writing this though, just dont get a rifle
and crawl any belltowers lol.
#20
6.4/10
マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん 
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ
 さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー 
じーんせいはっわんつー!ぱんち・・・


"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching