#1
The song isnt done and i dont really have a name, but the title i posted are what the songs about, how someone can be to ****ing scared and selfish to help someone in need, to later find out that persons dead and gone... Had they known "How to save a life"...

Melodic Hardcore

Suggestions and constructive critiscim


She fights mind, body, spirit
but she doesnt know why
She walked alone back home
just wishing to die (Just To die)

These's situations we find ourselves into,
We just laugh, and pretend we dont care but
we do

[Chorus]
[This world Will Live In,
such a beautiful place,
But Cruel, Full of hate and puts the
Gun and noose to twisted use
Never again, she bow down to you
Never again, she do what you ask her to
This ones for me and you,
A chance to run and not look back]

You Take a look and ask if everything's ok
It's not!
My soul, I need control ill never feel so, alone
Everyone around me seems to be dying
My actions speak for themselves, why do i keep trying?

[chorus]

Still the fight defeats me
I still laugh, but at the danger infront of me
The sad story, of a girl, and a world
That won't let her be
Last edited by Brendan.Pivin at Dec 25, 2009,
#3
Thanks for critting mine.
anyways, I liked it, just that there were a few kinks. Namely with rythym. But i know with hardcore that isnt much a problem haha. The first verse was really cool conveys emotion and an element to keep you reading. I didnt really like the chorus, it just seemed kinda cliche, which is not always a bad thing if you use it in the right way. The "Everyone around me seems to be dying" part of the second verse was just kind of out of place and i think you can just change it to something that also rhymes with trying, just using the word dying is a little cliche in general. I see nothing wrong with the last verse. In fact, i really like it and its a great way to end the song.
Overall, it was a solid song. Just try not to be too cliche in the future and youll be able to churn out some great pieces. Thanks again for critting mine.
Quote by turd_ferguson
[0:17] If my parents knew I was part of a group who celebrated christmas by drinking cough syrup they would probably cry

WEATHERER, the greatest band ever.
#5
As person up said, this part is the best.

Let me know when you will end these lyrics.