#1
This empty room,
This lonely cell,
longest nightmares,
living hell.
I cannot think,
I cannot see,
Nothing but walls scream back at me.
No windows,
Elusive light,
Psychotic struggle to end the fight.
This empty room,
This lonely cell,
longest nightmare,
living hell.

I do not want-
I do not see-
I do not feel a point in me.
End my life,
By my hands,
This life I can no longer stand...

A darker place,
A shadow man,
Estranged figures,
Hazed in sand.
I will not speak,
I will not go,
Mindless figures put on a show.
No exit,
Endless fright,
Grasping freedom - Losing sight.
A darker place,
A shadow man,
Estranged figures,
Hazed in sand.

I do not want-
I do not see-
I do not feel a point in me.
End my life,
By my hands,
This life I can no longer stand...

Longest crusade,
Death of my soul.
Time slips away,
I am so cold.
I cannot move,
I feel so numb,
What seemed so good is no longer fun.
Lost it all,
Have no pain,
Feel like I might go insane.
Longest crusade,
Death of my soul.
Time slips away,
I feel so cold.

I do not want-
I do not see-
I do not feel a point in me.
End my life,
By my hands,
This life I can no longer stand...

I've lost my mind,
I know I have-
The unnatural pain,
I can now grab.
Now let me go,
Please set me free,
This mind I'm in is killing me...


As you can see, it has a sort of brooding tone to it... I wrote in a similar style to that of "Fade to Black" It's more about a guy truly wanting to kill himself, than anything else... but everything involved is open for discussion.

Finally, as a disclaimer, I was in no way depressed upon writing this. I was in Algebra II.. but I don't think I'd lose my mind due to solely that.
#2
i dont get why people think you have to be depressed and emo to write stuff like this.
really good stuff by the way
#3
Nor do I, but it's always good to tag a little reminder on there, so I don't get any phone calls from the suicide prevention hotline ;P
#4
This was really good. I don't really have any negative comments for this piece, the flow was great all the way through, you have a knack for rhyming, I didn't sense any forced rhymes. This was just really solid stuff. Nice work, I enjoyed it.
You and I are mortal, but rock n roll will never die.
#5
its awesome, the rythym carries through the words, complete work of art
Sorry if Ive offended some kind of Punk God I should brush up on my Commandments of Punk maybe copy down the Punk Bible a few thousand times so I don't forget again sorry for my error O Punk Master Of All Things That Are Punk .
#6
NICE. The rythym NEVER lets up.


As you can see, it has a sort of brooding tone to it... I wrote in a similar style to that of "Fade to Black" It's more about a guy truly wanting to kill himself, than anything else... but everything involved is open for discussion.

I completely agreed with this. Great homage without being a ripoff.
C4Cin my sig? Sorry to be advertising my shit everywhere haha.
Quote by turd_ferguson
[0:17] If my parents knew I was part of a group who celebrated christmas by drinking cough syrup they would probably cry

WEATHERER, the greatest band ever.
#7
Wow I loved it. You have a great sense for rhythm.
In diesem Herz hab ich die Macht.

Gear:
Fender MIM HSS Strat (Wine Red)
VOX Valvetronix VT20+
Kay K390 Acoustic
#9
Quote by benx3000
NICE. The rythym NEVER lets up.


As you can see, it has a sort of brooding tone to it... I wrote in a similar style to that of "Fade to Black" It's more about a guy truly wanting to kill himself, than anything else... but everything involved is open for discussion.

I completely agreed with this. Great homage without being a ripoff.
C4Cin my sig? Sorry to be advertising my shit everywhere haha.



I found your lyrics pretty easily, because I looked at the URL bar, but you messed up the HTML code for the link just thought I'd let you know.
#10
Thanks for the help you guys, it means a lot. update on this: my band is working on the instruments for the song now.
Last edited by Gh057 at Jan 7, 2010,
#11
The rhyming scheme was really nice and I liked the technique in you writing, for sone reason the Lonely cell image stayed with me the whole time and the whole song seemed structured off if living in a cell, which in a way relates to the meaning you said "suicide" it's being locked in a state of mind that can hold you as long as you let it, this was a good peice thanks for the crit.
Quote by herby190
When I saw that, I thought of musical notes.... my elementary school teachers taught them as "tee-tees" "ta-tas" and a bunch of other nonsense....