#1
C4C.


I’ve been hanged with a silence that leaves but stays,
like the friends I’ve seen enter in airplanes,
wishing they won’t explode (like my head does

when I think about distance diving in the routine
of dialogues that won’t go beyond the how’s it been’s).
But this night the turbulence left a little buzz,

as if to remind me of my forlornness.
The pasted calendar months make me acquiesce
with the fact that time’s gradually halting.

Ben Willis never had a gift, just a curse
to be stuck in a moment that couldn’t be reversed;
and if he felt blessed, I felt it haunting.

When I gave up counting days and just tried to sleep through nights,
knowing everyone’s too aloof to feel comfort by their side -
my pulse grew like a crescendo of pianos.

And to prevent further churn,
I portrayed everyone’s return -
an arrival in the form
of calmness after the storm.

And now, with these clear skies,
a gentle note in this piano
makes me realize life’s like
the last phrase of the Sopranos
#2
It was a little hard to understand the meaning of this, for me. Nevertheless, I really liked the structure of it. I liked it in the fact that it was captivating, it really made me think about what you are trying to say... but maybe I'm thinking too much? Idk, for some reason I just can't figure out what this is about. I don't really have much constructive criticism about this.

Here's mine:
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1249854
#3
really cool , the wording made me smile at parts
Sorry if Ive offended some kind of Punk God I should brush up on my Commandments of Punk maybe copy down the Punk Bible a few thousand times so I don't forget again sorry for my error O Punk Master Of All Things That Are Punk .
#5
It was kindve hard for me to understand at times, but that may be because I don't know what some of the words mean. But I liked it nonetheless. It really sucked me in at the second line. I think the third line could use a bit of rewording, it kinda sounds like it is supposed to be funny or something.

C4C? Mines the one about lazers in my sig.
In diesem Herz hab ich die Macht.

Gear:
Fender MIM HSS Strat (Wine Red)
VOX Valvetronix VT20+
Kay K390 Acoustic
#7
the first two stanzas blew me away and then it kind of faded... the rest is not bad, far from it, it's great, it's just that the first two stanzas are out of this world, and they set a high bar...

really loved your rhyming scheme, and the way you make rhymes with the middle of the sentences...gorgeous

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1248174 would you, please?
#8
Quote by seventh_angel
Thank you. Is there something wrong with the wording ?


actually no, the smile was because its perfectly executed and thats hard to do
Sorry if Ive offended some kind of Punk God I should brush up on my Commandments of Punk maybe copy down the Punk Bible a few thousand times so I don't forget again sorry for my error O Punk Master Of All Things That Are Punk .