#1
crit4crit
YOUTH IN ASIA

Dressed in the emperor's new clothes
I still feel cold and naked
It must be the static snow
Broadcast on all your stations
But in these fuzzy shades of gray
A transmission has cut through
And it's cut straight to the chase
Of what I really need to do

The razor-sharp reality
That the right thing feels wrong
I wish we could play just you and me
But instead I must play God
‘Fore I write this edict girl
Please write me a Magna Carta
‘Cause I’m the king of a world
I shouldn’t even be part of

Love makes you hate yourself
Love makes you want to kill
I only love you so much
‘Cause no one else will

Life must’ve been beautiful
Just a rainbow paradise
When everything they showed to you
Was in simple black and white
But now they overload your vision
And your eyes begin to cry blood
So maybe it’s time to give in
To go ‘head and pull the plug

Love makes you hate yourself
Love makes you want to kill
I only love you so much
‘Cause no one else will

If I’ve shown you true love
Then I wish I was a liar
If this cured my writer’s block
I never want to be inspired
And if this is how it feels
When a wait is lifted off my chest
Then lay your gravestone upon me
And let me be crushed to death
Last edited by themarsvolta at Jan 16, 2010,
#2
This fantastic! The first couple of lines had me kinda confused, which is good, it left me guessing. I loved the connection in words: "Cut straight to the chase" and then "razor-sharp reality" that was very clever and made me smile a little. The last verse was great as well, it was my favorite part of the song. I really have no criticism for you, sorry, this was just great, solid writing. I'm interested to hear the music to this though.

Would mind taking a look at some of mine?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1249017
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1248410
You and I are mortal, but rock n roll will never die.
#3
This is awesome! Way to draw me in with those first couple of lines. I love this kind of writing, its kind of like say anythings writing.

Love makes you hate yourself
Love makes you want to kill
I only love you so much
‘Cause no one else will

I loved these lines! I could relate to them really well and the repetition of the word "love" was great and the flow was perfect. Definately my favorite part.

Sorry to be whoring out my work here haha but would you mind checking the one on my signature? It would be awesome if you would. Great work
Quote by turd_ferguson
[0:17] If my parents knew I was part of a group who celebrated christmas by drinking cough syrup they would probably cry

WEATHERER, the greatest band ever.
#4
Holy.
Sh!t.
These are some of the most powerful lyrics I've seen in a long time. Great flow, great imagery on a really difficult topic. The last verse is incredible.
Also, thanks for the crit.
Quote by dr_shred
FrustratedRocka you are a legend

Quote by littlephil

The man clearly knows his shit.

Quote by Banjocal


one of the best, educated and logical posts I've ever seen on UG in the Pit. Well done good sir.
#5
Some of the most deep, heart felt lyrics I've heard in a long time. Especially the last verse, which I'm sure is something that everyone can relate to. To be able to put your own personal thoughts and feelings into a fairytale reality like this is a wonder in itself, and I applaud you for it, sir.

Thanks for your comments on "I Know Love". Especially appreciated